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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 820
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 820 |
From an emotional/acceptance/closure perspective...
Is there anyone out there who filed (Plan D) first, and are glad you did? Or, you filed first, and regretted it?
On the other side of the coin... your WS filed first, and you wish YOU did?
Thanks... signed,
Looking at the most-probable outcome right between the eyes, and wondering how to handle this one and only and last choice I have in the whole mess.
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 56
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 56 |
I filed on her b/c I couldnt take it any more. My Story I sometimes felt like regretting it though. My thought was that if I had waited to let her file...then I could have contested it. Then we would have to go to court & she would have to say a lot of hurtful things about me. It would be a drawn out process. But after 2 months of separation I gave up. I dont think I could have handled a long drawn out situation such as that. I think her strategy was to wait as long as she could...... until she would not feel guilty for filing on me. But after I filed on her, she mentions thru a letter to me that I beat her by one day on filing. She is such a loser.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 944
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 944 |
I filed and I don't regret filing.
I know in my heart that I need to move on with my life and unless she does something drastic to halt the proceedings we will be divorced soon. Everyone has a breaking point, please dont file to file or to prove a point. I filed for my own sanity and mental well-being. There are times I miss her, but missing her is NOT a reason to stay married to her (IMHO) IF
she was home and we were working on our marriage both committed, now that's a reason to stay married.
So to answer your question,
I filed and I'm the BS...
do I regret it?
No, not the filing, but THE NEED TO FILE ....
Take Care,
Family Matters
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 608
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 608 |
I filed first. My WW/STBXW is a fence-sitting, cake-eater and I couldn't take it any longer. The whole situation was bringing out the worst in me, I did not like what I was becoming. I filed because... </font> - <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did not like what I was becoming - filled with anger</font></li>
- <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was hoping the WW would see I was serious and knock her off her fence - didn't work</font></li>
- <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Didn't want to drag out the current situation any longer than it had to be since she wouldn't drop her OM - glad I did because WW hasn't given up OM and now I am a month into the process where I wouldn't have been had I not filed</font></li>
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I agree with FamilyMatters in that I do not regret filing, but do regret the need to file.I still wish it could be worked out, but really don't see that happening for me.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 709
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 709 |
I will file end of my deadline which is suppose to be somewhere in May. Its preferably not to file because you're angry etc...its best to wait out as long as you can....only then maybe you wont feel regret after that. I am glad i took the long road. I am glad i did not file earlier. Now i know in my heart that i waited and is giving WS a chance more than he deserve. This way i hope i wont regret when the time comes but it is hard not to regret when you have kids. I feel sad whenever i think about my DD and having to make this decision means i played a part in breaking the family as WS if i file to D. This is the way i feel now. Ask me again when the time comes.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 820
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 820 |
What a fun thing to talk about, huh?
Thanks, you guys, for giving me your perspective.
Yep... while I can see what the end of this thing is going to be, I'm just trying to figure out if -- 1 or 2 or 10 years from now -- I'm going to wish I played my last card differently.
And then there's what zizzy said... regardless of how I wanted things to be, if I file first, then I'll be the one to actually end the M. And WW will remember it that way, even though it's the last thing in the world I ever thought I'd do.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 470
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 470 |
In my case, we both filed together, twice... The first time we were both ready to end it and move on out of anger and whatever else we were feeling at the time. After the DV hearing, we both felt we made a mistake. Pulled the paperwork. WW never tried working on the marriage and a few months later we refiled for DV. Sure, its not what I really wanted, who does? I had to move on and she did also. I still think we made a mistake, but no matter what I felt, I could not change her feelings for me and I couldn't keep putting my life on hold for her... We are DV'd as of Dec 17th...
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