</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greergan:
<strong> Hello my name is greergan and I am an Eeyorelover addict.

Why is the after math of the affair so hard?
Why do I melt when I look at her?
Why can't she let OM go completely?
Why do I want to divorce?
Why do I want to hold her all the time?
Why do I want this marriage to work?
Why does she insist on a secret life?
Why does she get so upset to think I will check up on her?
Why is she so ready to throw the towel in instead of fight for us?
Why does she calm down when I don't get angry?
Why does she calm down when I turn the fighting into play time?
Why does she miss my arms around her at night when we are on opposite ends of the bed?
Why does she curl her foot around my leg when we sit next to each other?

Why won't she show some positive passion?

Anyone? Anyone at all? Don't let her scare you off.

Anyone? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, that's exactly how I feel at the present moment.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by b0b pure*:
<strong> greergan, I just saw U want my email. I'll delete this off once you acknowledge it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">got it bob

thanks

quite a roller coaster isn't it MIF?

D-Day 10/8/04 was a Friday, she was served 2 weeks later to the day (an accident on the timing).

Been about 2-3 weeks since I dismissed the actions. Of course I found out about false recovery the next day. LOL.

Since then it has been up and down of course. But after yesterday I am happier with our M. I got some positive response from core relationship type questions about communication and family. This was great to hear since "I don't know" has almost always been the standard answer since way before the A.

So we will see I suppose.

Wow, that's exactly how I feel at the present moment.

Hey, I just realized what you said...you are addicted to my EL? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />


Just kidding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Greergan, I posted too. *Waving frantically*

Jen

Jen, your words just stick with me awhile before I can say anything. <rubs back of head wher small 2x4 hit me>...

I feel like we have almost come full circle and I am feeling again that if EL would talk to you that things would move along a little faster. But at the same time I know there is know way I can anything to help that to happen. <shrug>

Well thats me EL, very hard headed. But I love her and she loves me, so I am pretty sure we will be ok.

I have to believe that. The alternatives are feeling so much less possible that they would be pretty darn devistating if they were to happen.

Thanks for keeping things real for me in respect to NC.

<even I am starting to hate that word LOL>

Wow my EL makes me a crazy man.

She is so opposite me that I am always excited by her. Just a few things that still hurt though.

me: <has a lost puppy dog look>
her: what is wrong
me: nothing
her: come on tell me
<kiss and a hug>
me: nothing
her: just tell me
me: I am just a little insecure <thinks to self I really don't want to say because I assume that my feelings will be discounted>
her: are you going to be insecure everyday? blah, blah, blah
me: <snips> just go to work

I really hate this cycle. I find it so hard to just keep my mouth shut or even try to discuss the issue with her.

I will be insecure:
1) for some amount of time, my marriage is not what I thought it was. I am always wondering what exactly went wrong so that I can do my part to keep things alive.

2) until I get a promise/commitment for NC. As of our last conversation on the matter she still does not understand my need for this.

3) a little more action on her part to show that she does love me enough to keep things alive. I won't mention that 'one thing' since she reads my posts, but...other than that problem being resolved it would be nice to get pinch on the butt more often or her taking my hand when we walk or her putting her hand on my leg when we watch tv or an ILY wisphered in my ear.

4) less time for her on the computer and more time with me, and me and the kids.

For the love of...I wish she could stop worring about the rest of the stuff she worries about and put that time to use in participating more in rebuilding....

But of course it has only been for the month of Feb on the latest NC stretch.

I am sure I am still to impatient and need to work on creating the miracle instead of expecting it just happen over night.

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: greergan ]</small>

G, Why do you not discuss it when you feel bad ?

I always do this with Squid.

I'll say " I feel sad today, I need as many hugs as you got". Squid HATED that at first and would withdraw and sulk, but now she holds me and attends to me. She sometimes instigates an R talk at these times, but ends up upset by it.

She has started to be far more verbal, and recently said " I hate it when you're sad, because I know I made it, and I can't unmake it".

So my gentle but insistent emotional honesty with Squid has worked well I think, fro both of us.

I get to let Squid know when I am sad about her affair,and she gets to know that I value her support at these times more than anything, even though she caused it.

"the only one to dry my eyes,
is the one who made them cry"

Amongst the many things I have learned, PORH has been the most important IMO.

I need to re-read your sitch, I dunno about the seeming NC violations.

Jus' thought I'd say !

G, Why do you not discuss it when you feel bad ?

I tend to not want to push discussion because EL's first reaction to anything less that perfect emotion from me is to discount my feelings.

We did end up having a nice but short conversation (which she initiated) a short while after the initial encounter.

We both still have a long way to go with the emotional literacy.

I still have a long way to go with patience. I know she is doing what needs to be done for us but "I want what I want and I want it now".

Practice makes perfect, right?

I just feel like that when she can make the NC promise and mean it then we will be able to really get over the invisible wall that (in my head) slows us down.

Usually when I get in the lost puppy mood the primary reason is because of a lack of NC commitment, other day to day things and past avoidment of R problems don't help either. <shrug>

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: greergan ]</small>

It was a pretty good weekend. No major differences, although we had encounters that once would have sent us into a hissy fit.

Thanks to Mr. Pure for voicing the term "emotional literacy"...I have been thinking about that all weekend. It would appear that EL and myself are getting better at that as well.

NC has lasted a week so far. EL tells me that this is the longest that he has not called or emailed.

Told me that she thinks I scared 'em away with my anttics of last weekend. I wonder if that was a good thing or not....

The biggest revelation that I am not sure how to feel about is that EL told me she felt that she had found the "one" for her during the months of the EA. I guess that is not that big a deal all things considered especially since she has mentioned to me that she feels like "we" were ment to be more every day.

She is just goregeous and is starting to be the women I married again.