I fear that my WH is at it again. This time it is not with the trashy OW from work. No, this time it's much different.

Seems that my dear MIL has facilitated him meeting up with his "first love" ex-girlfriend from 20 years ago. This girl was his high school sweetheart. Since she was two years younger than him, she stayed behind when he graduated and went into the navy. Within a few months, she told him that she was pregnant and it was his. She wanted an abortion. Long story short, he gave her the $$$, but learned soon after that the baby was not even his. She just knew he would giver her the money. They broke up and she would have nothing to do with my husband no matter how much he tried to reconcile with her. Over the years, she messed around with everyone that would have her and apparently had a significant drug problem. My husband saw her sister a few years ago and the sister told him that his ex said she made a huge mistake ever letting him go. During our prior rough times, he told me he would have like to rehabilite her (gag... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Recently, she had a baby with a guy that deals drugs. Yup...this just gets better. As luck would have it they are now staying with the drug dealers mom who lives directly across the alley from my MIL.

MIL could not resist letting my husband know his exgirlfriends comings and goings. When he was visiting MIL (without me) he just HAD to go back out to the alley to see ex and her baby.

How did I find all of this out? Well, ironically I had a dream that WH left me for this ex!! A few days after I had this dream, I thought I saw her standing at a bus stop. I have only seen pictures of her, but the woman at the bus stop looked like her, but much, much older.

When WH and I were watching TV, I asked him if he had seen ex lately. He looked like he had seen a ghost and then he explained that he did talk to her a few weeks ago and told me the story. I was livid. After all we have been through with the EA and perhaps PA with the tramp at work, I could not believe that he would go out of his way to talk to an exgirlfriend. He told me he kept it from me only because of the dream I had. Said he didn't want to upset me. Told me he saw nothing wrong with talking with ex.

Am I going crazy. I just feel it was so sneaky and inappropriate when we are trying to heal from his first indiscretion. Don't even get me started on my MIL's involvement!

PS....I know this all sounds really Jerry Springer trashy. I'm not like that--I'm educated and I work as an administrator at a college <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

Renee

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 11:57 AM: Message edited by: ReneeStephanie ]</small>

Your intuition is right on the money. I don't have any real advice for you other than to trust your gut and don't let hubby question yourself.

Renee,

I agree. Listen to your instincts. You had the dream and saw the bus station girl for a reason. Your H has to understand that by not telling you, you will now always question if there's another question you should be asking... Do you know what I mean?

If he doesn't understand about being open and honest, maybe the two of you could make a list about the things that each of you would want to know (i.e. contact with an ex, a flirty server at a restaurant, your boss hitting on you, etc.). If you spell it out that you would want to know about this type of conversation, and he wants to make the M work, he'll tell you.

C

Renee,

I agree with Charla - a list would be a good idea.

Funny about your dream. I had one, too. Before I ever met OW, before I even thought my H was cheating, I dreamt that I was at a restaurant with my H. We were talking about something serious and I felt so much love for him. Another woman walks into the restaurant and sits at a table nearby. My H leaves our table to go sit with the other woman. In my dream I was mortified. I tried to call him back over, but he kept his back to me and ignored me. I woke up crying. My H was out "partying with friends" and wasn't there to comfort me.

Come to find out later, I had this dream the very first night my H slept with OW!

Thank you for your replies. This is all such a mess and I am such an emotional and physical wreck. Our problems and sagas have been going on for almost four years. We did the marriage counseling thing, but he lied during the sessions and admitted it when we got home. Lot of good that did! I have just about given up. The problem is that I went to see an attorney this week to figure out what I would need to do regarding a divorce and custody of our two year old son.

We live in Pittsburgh, but I am from a town called Erie which is about 2 1/2 hours north of Pittsburgh. If we divorce, I would like to move with our son back to Erie where I could work and have the support of family. I have no family or friends in Pittsburgh. The only way this could happen is if he signs off permission for me to remove our son from Pittsburgh. He will NEVER do this! Without the financial and emotional support of my family, I cannot afford a divorce. I fall into that wonderful bracket of making too much money for assistance, but not enough to pay for the divorce and start out on my own with my baby.

I feel so alone and defeated. I just want peace.