Why isn't it on your web site?

cerri: I've never posted to you, but I've seen where you've helped so many. May you get the help and support you need. Your family will be in my prayers!

{{{{{cerri}}}}}

Cerri,
I have not ever posted to you before, but I did join **edit** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I am sorry for everything that you are going through right now.
I have had evil thoughts about my WH and OW at times. I have pictures of her and her vechile, and I thought about posting them with wanted signs, etc. BUT, I realize that those things would have been done out of anger. Is that okay? Maybe yes, maybe no. The answer for me was NO, for the simple fact that one day, I will more then likely be faced with a custody battle. I don't want my WH to have anything against me that proves that I made irrational decisions when I am using that method against him. For ME that was my inspiration to keep my anger inside, and on this board (well 90% of the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I don't think the exposure is bad, for me it was just something I had to REALLY think about before I did it.
I have just rambled on and on....I am sorry.
I do wish the best for you and your children.
Danielle

i think what alot of people are missing here is she stated very clearly(or so it seems) that this would happen if he did it again. he knew it and agreed. she is following through on what she said she would. boundries.....and consequences for crossing them. i dont think she is doing it maliciously-----come on, with her experience she could come up with way better than this if it was just malicious.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

is there hurt and pain...heck yeah...but i dont think this is pure vendetta.....

I have all of the OW's personal information, right down to her SS#, and it's everything I can do not to write it on a whole pack of post it notes and stick them all over the place....public library by the computers...etc.

I haven't done it, but I think about it all the time, and I'm just keeping it on the back burner, she really has no idea who she's dealing with.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll let the mods decide. I have to say that I find it somewhat humorous that I could get modded for following Harley's advice but not for ****.] </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">cerri - (((((Penny))))) - "Allowance" for the mental aberrations that result from "d-days," etc.

You and I both know that "potty mouth" may "feel good," but it accomplishes little and solves nothing. Still, it's one way to blow off some of the pressure and a way to give a tiny voice to the depth of the hurt feelings.

Personally, I think that at a minumum, a separation is in order. There simply is NO valid excuse for his DECISION. No blame shifting, no transference of responsibility, no "childhood past" causitive agent. We each have FREE WILL. We CHOOSE. We base those choices on whatever WE ourselves think is most important to ourselves.

That brings us to the idea of a "moral compass." The issue for both you and your husband is "what, or who's, moral compass, if any, should be embraced and applied to your individual lives?" What ARE the "black and white" issues irrespective of "societal acceptability?"

Your husband seems to be of the humanistic moral relativistic school of thought; "If it feels good, do it." No "right or wrong," only feelings are important, and then, ONLY your own feelings, not anyone else's.

Conviction, remorse, confession, repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, change.....to what purpose if "sin" does not exist? If "this time on earth" is all there is, what point is there in following ANY "moral code" other than "what's in it for me?"

Cerri, your husband seems to be "of this school." Since anything remotely touching on "obey God" has no meaning or relevance, "obey whom" becomes the question. Or perhaps even more basic, why even "obey" anyone or anything other than our own selfish desires?

There are fundamental issues that both you and Steve need to think about and address. Right now it is quite obvious that you have two different "ships" and two different "captains" who are charting two different "courses" for your lives with two different "destinations." One would say this is very representative of being "unevenly yoked," even without Christ as the common yoke.

"For better or for worse...in sickness and in health...until death do us part." I don't know if any such words comprised part of the commitment ceremony between you and Steve, but if so, or something similar, then the question remaining is how YOU value YOUR commitment....or has it been replaced with "until I am hurt and no longer feeling loving, then we part."

It is a hard time. You know that you are reacting emotionally to a lot of things right now. Take that proverbial "deep breath" and THINK before speaking or acting.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

<small>[ January 30, 2005, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nikko:
<strong> i think what alot of people are missing here is she stated very clearly(or so it seems) that this would happen if he did it again. he knew it and agreed. she is following through on what she said she would. boundries.....and consequences for crossing them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not saying it was bad, in fact I WISH that I could make my WH and OW exposure nasty. I wish I could post it in the paper. I can't for the kids sake, but I would love to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He knew what his consequences would be, and he tested to see if she would actually follow through. Looks like he got his answer..
Bless you and the children Cerri!
Danielle

I can understand the feeling to get a little revenge. A mutual friend of mine and the OM told him if he had done that to his wife he would have knocked the OM out. That started to get the OM attention. I still haven't decided what all to do. To much to lose over it I guess. Good for you Cerri for making a stand we are here to give support.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 03:30 AM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

Cerri did you get any sleep? How is it going with getting it off your chest? Hope it is helping relieve some stress.

Cerri-

I just visited your website, never been to **edit** before....I just wanted to say I love the way you define marriage.

I also love this statement: "Marriage is not supposed to make you happy. It’s supposed to make you married....." by Frank Pittman

-Caren

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 03:31 AM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

That great that you are protecting you and the kids. I understand the no sleeping and no eating thing. My WW couldn't understand why I was losing weight not that I have much to lose. It was great for the spare tire. LOL

♥ ♥ ♥

Cerri,
Can you e-mail me off the board?
I have a question for you
Danielle

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

OMG! Penny, I am soooo incredibly sorry about this! When I first read the thread header I thought surely, this is an OLD thread...then I saw the date and my heart dropped.

Just know that I am thinking of you hun! {{{PENNY}}}

Cerri... I never post on MB any more but Nikko put a call out on MBL so here I am. I was in similar shoes in November when after 3 1/2 years of recovery my H. did something I considered the "last straw." Like Steve, my H. is a troubled person for whom MB principles do not seem to apply. Nor did the help of two MCs.

The good news is I immediately started feeling better after he left the house, and two months later I am still feeling wonderful. I no longer have to focus so much of my energy on "fixing" someone who does not really want to be fixed. I can focus on myself, my children, my friends, hobbies, new career options, etc. with such an incredibly posititve energy.

I had planned not to date for a year, but I was at the same NYE party as a former neighbor, widowed one year, and we both felt this incredible spark. Last night was our first official get together and I couldn't believe how great it felt to be really appreciated for who I am. Whether this turns out to be a short fling or a long-term relationship, I know in my heart I have a lot to offer the right person and do not have to spend the rest of my life waiting to step on the next land mine.

The best part of the separation has been that my life is now under my control. If I get involved with a man who is toxic or troubled, the red flags will alert me to run as fast as I can. As the book says, "Co-dependent no more!"

So, all I can say is what my DV (and happily remarried) friends said to encourage me after the separation, "There will be a brighter day." Believe it or not, I am thankful to my H. for his "last straw" because it freed me to live a better life.

As for the exposure... I am not one to judge. I did a lot of "crazy" things post D-Days. We all have. One of my friends even brought a fire extinguisher to her H.'s girlfriend's house to "extinguish the flame of love." We laugh about that now. So do whatever feels right... even if you regret it later. Not very PC advice here, but I am one of those unsaveable secular moral relativists.

Cerri,

Lots of hugs to you. I for one agree with your exposure. He knew this would be the consequence and did it anyways. If nothing else, at least he knows that you're serious.

I prescribe some Billie Holliday, a pedicure, and chamomile tea.

Dobie

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 03:29 AM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

Check your emails. I've sent only about three.

Tons of hugs.