Is it normal for my anxiety levels to skyrocket every time I have a conversation regarding WW, the A, or my custody battle.

I just recieved a call from my attorney's office saying that we should have a quicker date for mediation, and possibly the custody hearing.

I find myself near break down each instance of contact, I even have anxiety when my email beeps, thinking it might be an email from WW.

Part of me is forever hopeful that her emails might be a good sign, but then I am fearful that it is another sign of doom for our M. Sadly it is usually the latter.

Am I going nuts?

How do other BS's handle this, if I am not alone???

Yes, it is normal. Happens to me all the time and everyone here at some point. I am 6 months into this mess and I still have anxiety over ANYTHING related to my WW or attorney. My cell phone goes off, I jump, my email beeps, I jump.

You are human, not crazy.

Tell me more... How are you doing?

To be honest I don't know how I am.

I work, and then take care of my kids, no social life, and no real time for it. I am planning a small Super Bowl party (at my son's urging) but mostly will be folks from work.

I am afraid to contact WW, for the fear of rejection, or of making her mad and driving her closer to OM.

I have to drive by her apartment at least daily, and I can't keep from looking at her balcony, partly hoping for a peek of her.

Then when I see her, part of me sees flaws, and another part sees the wonderful woman I married.

I am hoping to be able to Plan A more effectively (if I have even done so this far)by following the advice Ark gave me, but then the fear and anxiety of rejection, and loss of my M jumps back on me like a vengance.

I post here, hoping to find the silver bullet, but knowing that it will not be here like that. then I get discouraged when my posts aren't answered quickly. I know that is selfish, I just need this to be over, and I constantly PRAY that I will have my M when it is all over.

Hosea, sorry you are having such a hard time. {{Hosea}} It is very difficult and I understand your anxiety. Just keep doing what you are doing and follow ARK's advice. On you on AD's? That helped my anxiety a lot.

“To be honest I don't know how I am.”

- You are a hurting human being. That is how you are and that is how I am and most of us here. You are not alone.

I work, and then take care of my kids, no social life, and no real time for it. I am planning a small Super Bowl party (at my son's urging) but mostly will be folks from work.

- Good, have a Super Bowl party. Treat everyone that comes like royalty and show them what a good person you are. Don’t partake in ANY alcohol consumption, it will depress you later.
- Make your kids part of your social life. Take them to movies, dinner, the park. Also make time for yourself. You have to force yourself to do this.

I am afraid to contact WW, for the fear of rejection, or of making her mad and driving her closer to OM.

- I am the same way but show her you are strong. The OM is her choice.

I have to drive by her apartment at least daily, and I can't keep from looking at her balcony, partly hoping for a peek of her.

- Don’t do it. My WW moved a block away! I drive out of my way just to get the mail. I will not drive by her new place.

Then when I see her, part of me sees flaws, and another part sees the wonderful woman I married.

- So do I buddy… So do I.

I am hoping to be able to Plan A more effectively (if I have even done so this far)by following the advice Ark gave me, but then the fear and anxiety of rejection, and loss of my M jumps back on me like a vengance.

I post here, hoping to find the silver bullet, but knowing that it will not be here like that. then I get discouraged when my posts aren't answered quickly. I know that is selfish, I just need this to be over, and I constantly PRAY that I will have my M when it is all over.

- I am always looking for the silver bullet. I also feel insecure that my friends and family will get sick of my misery and abandon me. But they haven’t, they have rallied around me.

- I pray also that my wife will come back. This is the 3rd time this has happened so I am not even sure if I want her back. If she would just go to MC with me! We both are going to IC but we need MC also. (You may want to read some of my threads, my WW has some issues going on.)

Hosea,

YES, it's very normal! I did the same thing for a long time. AD's can help but don't expect miracles.

You have to take one day at a time and keep reminding yourself that things will get better. I know how LAME that sounds to you right now. I thought the same thing when people would say it to me. But it is said because it is TRUE. Time will calm you like nothing else can.

I still remember my six month, and especially my one year anniv. of D-day. I was so happy! Not because everything was wonderful but because I could look back and see how much better off I was emotionally than when I had started. Take as much control of your situation as you can and stay BUSY. I got into the habit of going as hard as I could all day (doing productive things)until I literally fell into bed at night. It helped get me through the toughest parts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong> Am I going nuts?

How do other BS's handle this, if I am not alone??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Loud music... lots of physical exercise... and a lot of patience...

It'll take time Hosea but you'll get stronger. Just remember : What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...

Miker

Thanks everyone for the support, to answer a few of the questions, I am NOT on any meds. I am afraid that doing so could have an effect on the custody battle if WW finds out.

I do have a social life with my kids, but that cannot continue at the current pace until WW is forced to pay CS. My finances are dwindling fast (also adding to anxiety).

I couldn't even read your wonderful responses without crying <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I know to expect this roller coaster, but I never imagined it could be such a wild ride, and last this long (I know 2-3 months isn't long to some, but it is a lifetime of hell to me).

Keeping busy isn't a problem, I do that as much as I can, I am changing for me, and I know WW sees it. I also know she get's bothered by that fact, so I should be happy about that, but then the fear that her being bothered is going to keep her in OM's arms longer.

I also have the reality that OM moved across the country for no other reason than to be with WW. I can't see him leaving her, and moving away (He started a new job today).

I guess I'm just having one of those really bad times, and I just needed to know I had some support.

THANK YOU EVERYONE

Keep posting if you want, I am trying to soak up everything I can to help.

I will post more later tonight for you buddy. Take it a day at a time.

Please read the following:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=036263

Maybe you can give me some advice?

Hosea,

How are you doing?

I'm doing better today, actually started to feel better last night when I had my kids with me. I love them so much, I would die if I lost them.

WW called last night to talk to the kids, I answered the phone (I wanted to hear her voice, and hopefully have a chance to Plan A). She sounded bad, and the kids said she was ill, so I sent her a "get well" e-card this morning.

I hope it is well recieved, but I will likely never know. She said she wants to see the kids this evening, I am going to let her pick them up if she wants, I will not even mention keeping them away from OM. She already knows my position on this, no need to LB by pushing it.

There is a picture on our dresser of WW, MIL, & DD that they had made at Glamour Shots several years ago. I think WW would like it, so I am putting it in a gift bag, and going to have the kids give it to her. I will put a little note in there. Hope & pray it helps.

BHINWI,

I read you post, and situation. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. I am praying for you.

THANKS

Hosea