Daisy,

I am a former IG in the Army. I am also a former 1SG with an infantry company that is now attached to your husband's unit in Afghanistan (I recently retired).

That being said, do not go to the commander and withdraw anything. Your husband has broken the law..he has broken the UCMJ. Your commander cannot back off, no matter what you request from him. If he does, then an IG can go after the commander!

You must let this play out. The great thing about the Army is that it can make WSs stop seeing their OPs. Sure, they arent going to monitor his every move. But if you send them evidence of hiscontinued contact, or they find him contacting her...then he is in severe trouble...disobeying a direct order!

I investigated a lot of adultery charges while I was an IG. I had to handle a few as 1SG with my soldiers also. Let the Army do what it needs to do. We are very good on rehabilitating good soldiers...and of course, getting rid of bad ones.

I wish society would adopt these ways also. A lot less adultery would go on and a lot less broken families if that adultery was gainst the law (it is against the law here in Virginia) and judges had the ability to order a WS not to see OP.

The Army is built on men and women of honor and good character. Right now, your husband isnt one of them. And he doesnt deserve to wear the uniform while he is being dishonorable. So, let the commander try to pull him back into the fold. Or, if he is that devoid of honor that he wont do the righ thing...then every honorable soldier out there will agree with me when I say...I wouldnt want him in a foxhole next to me.

In His arms.

Mortarman
I really and truely don't want to see my husband get in trouble.With that being said I chose not to call the captain anyway.A few reasons came up as to wht I'm not going to do it but the main reason is that in the back of my mind I think he may still be calling her.I checked her profile today on yahoo and her maritial status is listed as no answer when yesterday it said single.This makes me think he is still calling her.I'm not positive yet and I hope I'm just being crazy over this little fact.Well that's all right now but I'll update as soon as he calls.

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: daisey_marie2002 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am sure he don't have access to it but if he does he will know the email from my friend is a joke </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Daisey, your last conversation with your H was somewhat positive...what if he does get access to the computer to check emails? Please don't do stupid stuff like this, especially if he knows this is from YOUR friend.

Even if he never sees it, it doesn't put you in a positive light. It isn't marriage building.

Being nonlovebusting and positive need to be your focus.

Don't try to interact with the OW. Don't expect her to care about you or your child. If she did, she'd already have bowed out.

You don't want to get in some sort of pi$$ing contest through email with her.

And, the bottom line is, she isn't your problem. She's merely a symptom of how badly your H manages stress and his role in your marriage.

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: daisey_marie2002 ]</small>

Daisey,
Thanks for explaining in more detail. I must operate on a different wavelength than you do. I don't seem to get some of your posts or I'm reading into them or something.

Anyway, if there is any possibility of your H seeing something that makes you look bad, avoid it.

Really, humor is fine, it can save your sanity...

Daisy,

You are playing with fire and be burned in time. This back and forth stuff is nothing more than childish.

Your Ws is already in trouble. Don't play games. Report what needs t/b reported. You play games with the command, then when you need them to execute their orders, they won't have the ammo needed because you were too busy playing games with the OW, your friend and your WS.

I am not sure how much more I can help you if you are going to go in this direction. MM gave you some good info that if you don't heed it, could backfire.

You need to see past these games. Really.

L.

I'm not trying to play silly games.I never wrote her or did anything wrong.My friend wrote the email and sent it to him before I even seen it,I just told her she could write one.My profile only says that my husband and I are trying to work things out.The joke my friend was refering to is between him and her,he does not even know she emailed me thier conversation.I told her that the girl has his password so she took it upon herself to write the email.Like I said I saw it after it was sent.I would not contact her because she was told to leave me alone so why would I start trouble with her?The email I sent him said nothing bad about her and all good things about him and I.It was also sent to him not her..He told my girlfriend everything after she confronted him about his profile on yahoo so ho knows that she knows everything.The command is on my side and I wouldn't do anything stupid to mess that up.I never called them like I was so sure I would do last night.I took everyone's advice.Not too sure what to say to my husband if he asks if I did but that is another story.I'm not even sure if his CO contacted the captain like he was going to do.

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: daisey_marie2002 ]</small>

Good to see you aren't playing games. Let others do that. It will just irritate the WS with no benefit to you. Sometimes I recommend reverse babble which c/b construed as playing games. The difference is that RB is designed to deflect the WS' blows and give them back to the WS, thus providing some relief for the BS and family. Games usually just irritate.

Well let the command do what they need to do. Just give them the facts and let them do their job. Don't expect them to fix everything but if they took away his internet privileges, they probably are trying to make a point with this alien living in an adult's body. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Well I thought about this and I see that I made some people here mad.I never contacted her or did anything that can be reguared as playing silly games.She does not belong in my husbands account in the first place.These emails were sent to my husband and the one I wrote did not even mention her.The one my friend wrote did however but all she asked was if he was still seeing her.She did do it to piss her off but again these emails were sent to him not her.I didn't read the one she sent till she already sent it.I never said anything that would make the command take his side since I didn't talk about her,just us.I am editing my earlier posts because I have upset some people who have misunderstood them.

daisy,

You don't have to edit anything. You wrote what you wrote. Your explanation helps us see you are not playing games.

In this confused A world it is easy for the BS to get caught up in the games of the A. You just saw how close and easy it is t/b pulled into it.

Don't edit it. Just move forward with caution. BEtter t/b safe than sorry. Don't worry about our thoughts. That's why you can post here for your help. My personal thoughts are not what will fix your M. It w/b your actions and your H's (whenever your H returns back to earth). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

Daisey, I'm not mad or upset, just urging you to look at the big picture and to avoid behavior you wouldn't want everyone to read.

And, it was good you clarified your friend did this without your knowing. Any of us realize you may not be able to keep your friends from confronting, though it's ok to ask to to confront or not to, whichever way seems more proactive.

Daisey-Marie,

How are you doing? Haven't seen or heard from you in a few days.

Hope you are doing ok. Please let us know.

Aloha,
L.

I'm still here doing okay I guess.He tells me he is not allowed any contact with her so I guess I believe him.Not too sure.Says he is still going home to see his family after he gets back.I wish he wouldn't but I'm perpared to let him go if I have to so we can save this relationship.I'm trying to be good to him,not mentioning her even though it's there in the back of my mind.She has changed her profile to say long term relationship again and I asked my husband about it last night and he told me again he wasn't allowed to contact her.I told him why I thought so and he said she found someone fast.Iasked if this bothered him,he said kind of.Not sure what to think on that.She may have changed it to piss me off cause i changed mine.Just so i would think he is still calling her.He has been real good to me the last couple days.Doesn't say i love you but he says he is going to try to call every day.Told me he wouldn't be able to call tomorrow just letting me know why.Think he feels bad about this because of our daughter.I asked if he wanted pictures next time I sent a package he said no.I didn't presure him but I plan to send a couple just to make him really think about things.I go to the MC on thursday,I'll see what they say about all this then.Well I'll give updates as he calls.

<small>[ February 13, 2005, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: daisey_marie2002 ]</small>

Daisy,

Good to see you posting. Well, as you know the BS can't control the WS. So it w/b best when he does call to just acknowledge what he is saying. If he wants to know what you are up to, let him ask. That way you are more assured he is listening to what you are saying vs scheming a hurtful response.

It is a tool that you can use in the favor of your family. As a WS he is not a family member. In name only but not in spirit. So don't take him into the confides of your feelings. He will only want to tear your heart out. Don't give him that opportunity.

In my case, the less info I gave the WS, the less he would hurt me. Then when I went to plan B, it was much easier.

take care and keep in touch.

L.

Daisy,

How r u doing?

L.