I can't stand being this pissed off right now.

WW has decided that when she sees the kids tonight she is going to try to take them to the fair with OM.

I'm SO MAD I want to call her and tell her what a piece of $hit she really is being. She just won't see whta she is doing, she is using any opportunity to stick OM in my kids faces.

I want to drive over to her apartment, tell her & him exactly what I think of them.

I won't though. I think the only reason is if I see him I might not be able to keep myself from seriously injuring him. I want so badly to help him experience breathing through a tube.

We have our custody mediation on monday, I am not giving a single inch, and as soon as it's over I'm telling my lawyer to get us in front of the judge as soon as possible, I don't care what it costs.

I don't erven think I will see plan B, I'm seriously getting to the point of no return, and to be quite honest, I think part of the reason I still want to reconcile is my fear of being alone.

But being alone has to be better than the hell I am currently living through, and I read about the hell of recovery, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to deal with that iether.

I've been thinking all this time that I caused this, but then I realized that WW has always been one of the most selfish people I have ever known, we always went on the vacation she wanted, bought only the houses SHE wanted (built not bought, she refused to buy used) only ever went to restaurants SHE chose, and I think I am now reaching that realization point and I am SICK & TIRED of feeling like hell for her, and letting her make my life a living hell.

SO, How do I move on from here???

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

Do you have to let them go tonight? What if you didn't?

Why don't you take the kids and go do soemthing fun with them. Just be gone when she shoes up tonight and have a good time. Its time to protect the kids from this guy. My H ex-wife always ran away with his kids when he was supposed to get them and she never ever got into trouble. She even took them out of state on Christmas and her lawyer called he and she told him to F **K off. No problem they just were not seen till later after the holidays . I would go out with children -pizza -movie what ever. and save them the problems. Also if kids say they do not want to go you can not make them go. Ok just some thoughts for you.

Oh yeah one other thing I was told by my lawyer and this was years ago - if I let the kids go to a situation that I did not feel was healthy for them then I could be held at fault for allowing it.

well my lawyer says the opposite, if I keep them from her, I will lose them.

I learned from the phone recorder, that she is planning on coming into the house to see the cat when she picks them up. she thinks DD doesn't love her anymore, and DS told her to see that I changed, and to come home. she told him that they will have a nice talk just the 3 of them tonight about that.

Do I risk getting my hopes up???

Right now I am cleaning the house, she always wanted that, so I am going to give her a clean house to see.

Hosea,

Buddy, take a deep breath.

Do what is best for YOU and the KIDS. The turd she is with will end making her life miserable or vice-versa.

I know what you mean about punching him out. I have so many times wanted to do the same. I have been a weightlifter/bodybuilder all my life and my WS "special friend" would last maybe 5 seconds with me? Maybe 10? But, I am not going down that route. But it doesn't hurt to think about it.

Do the right thing for you and the kids. Take the kids tonight and say to hell with her.

Keith

One more thing Hosea...

The road your WS is taking is her choosing. No relationship is perfect but it never justifies what she is doing.

I have had 4 chances in my life to have an affair with married women. 2 of the oppurtunites were when I was married to my WS. I NEVER DID IT and I will always be proud of myself. Yes, the temptation was there but I thought of the ramifications (broken marraiges, kids, love for my spouse, my family, my life). It just wasn't an option.

So, I walked away from those oppurtunites and NEVER regretted it. I wish my WS had the same respect for herself and familiy.

You know what really ticks me off about my WS? I have always known when she is in a EA or PA and always offered to help her get out via counseling or whatever it takes. Answer is always no and riddled with fog excuses.

You have a right to be mad with your WS. But, vent here to all of us. If you want to swear, email me at bhinwi@hotmail.com

Keith

I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you during this tough time. I have had to face WH bringing the kids to see OW ONCE, and that was the worst thing I have gone through yet. He hasn't tried it again...
I can only begin to imagine what you are going through. You will prove to be the stable parent in the end.

Bless you
Danielle

Hosea,

At this point, prepare your chidlren. Let them know they are going to be going with their mom today and there is a chance that a strange man will be with their mom. If so, tell them how to act. Let them know this is important that they stay safe. If you can give them a cell phone to use so they can call you if they need. You will come and pick them up at anytime.

Let them know they maybe going to a fair. For that part wish them well and hope they have fun. Remind them your policy on not talking to strangers and if this strange man with their mom behaves in a way that makes them not feel safe, to let you know immediately. He may try to be their friend but in reality he is not a friend of the family. That one is for sure. You s/b safe to say that. Your W maybe mad but he isn't.

Then sit tight and keep busy until they come home. She is trying to buy their friendship and get them to approve of her A. Let the children know this also.

It is sad they are being used as pawns. The WS' are ruthless.

take care,
L.

Orchids advice is wonderful, as always! Prepare them and let them know what is going on the best that you can.
Danielle

Hosea,

1 more thingy: Reassure your children of you love and commitment to them. Let them know these are tough times for your family but you are a 1 pkg deal. You and they will weather through all this junk together.

take care,
L.

Orchid, & others,

This is not the first exposure to OM they have had, in fact if you read my saga (link in signature) you will see the CRAP she has pulled with them.

They do have a cell phone, and they also know I will come get them ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.

DS has already said she doesn't want to go to the fair with WW, and DS said he is going to tell her he will only go IF OM does NOT.

I love my kids more than life itself, and I will do everything I can think of, even thought aqbout going to fair myself tonight, but don't want to be a stalker, or do I???

I am probably setting myself up here, but I hope that she decides to come inside the house tonight when she picks up the kids, and maybe we can try for a spark of hope.

I was thinking of having a Plan B letter ready to hand her if I don't see any sign of a chance for our M tonight. Maybe when she brings them back home.

Thoughts on Plan B???

Hosea.

Calm down. Stop reacting to your wife. Distance yourself mentally. This is a battle.

Soldiers that go running in, screaming and blood thirsty, are the first to die.

Back off and stick to your plan.

Let your kids know that if the other man makes them feel uncomfortable in any way, to scream for the police. There will be plenty of them at the fair. Make sure each of your children have a card with emergency contact numbers, including yours. Be calm with your kids.

Next you need to ask the Lord to intervene on you and your kids behalf.

Are your children feeling well enough to go out this evening? I think that a judge would not appreciate a child being forced into an activity with an adulterer when they are not feeling well.

You must also realize that the other man would probably not want your kids around either. He is going along with your wife's wishes. I bet he does not like it. You don't want to ever use your kids. You do need to be aware that unpleasantness in an adulterous relationship has a greater impact than it does in a marriage.

I want to convey to you, as strongly as I can, use your mind for strategy, rather than rage and strong emotion. God gave you a perfectly good mind. Use it to the benefit of you and your children.

All the best,
Gimble

Hosea, I hope you don't mind if I threadjack for a second. I SECOND YOUR THREAD TITLE.

WW just walked into the house, I'm sound asleep from working all night, and she walks into the bedroom and starts in on me without any introduction about how messy the house is and that she can't stand how I could raise the kids in this fashion.

1) The stuff piled in the living room is HER stuff that needs to be taken away.

2) The kids made pizza last night while I was working, and as usual, DS17 won't clean the mess till I get him in there to do it.

3) I was sound asleep. Getting DJd accompanied by an angry outburst that didn't make any sense wakes you up in a BAD MOOD.

4) I work till 6 in the danged morning and do housework when I get up. Why jump on me in my sleep about the chores I have for the day? Dangit!

Ok, venting over. Thread is yours again, Hosea.

I feel for you. WW had my daughter out last night, have yet to find out if OM was there. Need to ask DD. Warned WW to keep him away, I'm mad enough now to pound him into law student paste.

David

Thanks, Gimble,

Om probably does want my kids there, because it gives him a chance to be seen as a father figure to them, and his 2 kids aqre the same ages as mine, so they out the kids together, and WW & OM don't have to really be with the kids that much.

I am trying to not be the screaming soldier, that is why I am venting in here.

I have been praying for the Lord's intervention for almos 3 months now, I am not about to stop.

I know He is just, and will make a path for His will to be done, I just wish I could see his timeline, so I could have some comfort.

David,

CHANGE THE LOCKS

I told WW, after she moved out, that she needed my permission to re-enter the house, unless she wants to call the sheriff for an escort. I told her, that while I prefer she not do that, I was perfectly fine with explaining to the neighbors why she needed them.

no problems since.

I wouldn't worry much about your kids seeing other man as a father figure. Kids aren't dumb.

I can't tell you about God's timeline, but he has had me praying for you since the first day you posted here.

Be sure to tell your kids to get the police should they find themselves in a bad situation. For obvious reasons, your wife doesn't have their best interest at heart right now.

You are doing well.

All the best,
Gimble

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong> David,

CHANGE THE LOCKS

I told WW, after she moved out, that she needed my permission to re-enter the house, unless she wants to call the sheriff for an escort. I told her, that while I prefer she not do that, I was perfectly fine with explaining to the neighbors why she needed them.

no problems since. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am going to change them as soon as she finishes moving her crap out. Just wish she'd hurry. I want to go thru what's left and get rid of as much as possible. Can't do it while she may want some of it....

Grrrrr

David

Hosea,

This was asked before but you didn't answer.

*How do your kids feel about going?

Plain and simple,if they are uncomfortable,they don't go.It's sickening that they are being dragged along with the OM and his kids but I would make a call based on how the kids are doing.They are old enough to tell you if they are feeling ok or not.Of course,in my situation,the kids go absolutely nowhere near my WH's homewrecker.She will never,as far as I am concerned,be a part of my children's lives.

Just be sure to tell your kids how YOU feel too.That you don't condone their(WW,OM) behavior.You aren't D,yet.

It's too soon to even be suggesting this integration of both families and I have to say it makes me upset that your WW is doing this just so she and OM can feel better.I know it's not in the best interest of the kids.If they drag along the kids out to dinners,parks,movies,etc this will most certainly "normalize" their current behavior in their own demented minds."Look at us,the "new family". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> yuk

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> *How do your kids feel about going? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To tell you the truth, I asked them & they are more concerned with not hurting WW's feelings, they have said they don't like OM, & don't want to be around him, but they know that WW is a very stubborn person & they are young conflict avoiders.

When DS said tonight that he didn't want to hurt WW's feelings, I kinda got a little upset and told him, "I'm getting a little sick of everyone being so concerned about WW's feelings, she doesn't give a rat's a$$ about anyone else's feelings, so why is everyone so darned worried about hers?"

I apologized to DS after that, and told him I really did understand why he felt the way he did.

They left a few minutes ago, DD told her she didn't want to go to the fair, I don't know how that will play out.

WW asked me how much her 1/2 of DD's orthodontics set up was, & wrote me a check, I told her that I still very much wanted to sit down and talk with her, her reply was, "Well, we'll see"

What is that supposed to mean? I think that secretly she is not as happy as she thought she would be, she has been spending more time away from OM on the weekends, and I see that as a sign of unhappiness, but then I could be wrong.

I just don't know what to make of anything anymore, and I'm getting so sick & tired of trying to find ways to Plan A with her living with OM. I just want this to all be over.

One way or the other, I wish this hellish ride would end soon. preferably with my family intact, but if it's not God's will then so be it.