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Hi again Hosea,
I guess I am not clear on why you would be Plan A'ing your WW at this point.You are right around the corner from Divorce Alley.It's ok to be cordial,etc but Plan A? I would not be doing that if my WH was with the homewrecker.The Divorce 180,yes.
As for your WW's statement about "Well,we'll see" Don't read anything into it.I have learned,over time,to tune out most of what my WH says because it's warped and usually untruthful(fog talk).
I think,even though your WW is all wrong about what she is doing,your kids see this all differently.All they want is for their parents to be happy.You know they cannot fully comprehend what it is to be unfaithful,not in the context we know.So they focus on how they can please their parents,at least some do.My youngest does for sure.She is the model child a lot,trying not to make waves.I fear for how this is going to affect the way she has relationships in her future.The damage is already taking roots.What will "bloom" later remains to be seen.
Anyway,if I were you,I would just keep those lines of comm.open and keep their feelings as the priority.I have made my WH promise that he will not force my girls into ANY situation they do not feel good about.I will keep him to that promise come he** or high water.
O
<small>[ February 12, 2005, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>
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DS called me from the cell phone to tell me that OM will not be with them tonight, he asked why & WW told him, "I just told him that I am going to be alone with my kids tonight & that is the end of it"
I hope that she told them the truth, I also hope this means she & OM are not getting along too well.
When she brings them home, I pray that she will come inside for a few minutes, maybe we can try to open some dialog.
I kind of think the "we'll see" comment means she will hinge it on what happens in our mediation session on Monday. But I cannot give in there, I cannot let her have an opportunity to hurt my kids.
Prayer, prayer, & more prayer is on the menu for me tonight.
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Still jacking your thread, Hosea. I'd take Orchid's advice. The threat of a D might be the 180 you need. I pray everything is falling apart for your WW.
I'm so angry and upset right now about my WW that I can't even think straight, but her advice sounds really good. Girl scouts just showed up at my dooor with a huge order that I never made. THANK YOU SO MUCH B**....er....WW. Now I'm short of cash and can't get to the bank till Monday. At least we have food and all we need.
Ever felt totally unloved for nothing you ever did? Guess that's how God feels.
David
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Hosea, That scum OM will never replace you in your kids eyes. I guarentee that!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> You WW is probably learning her lesson with this guy already. Let her learn it herself. I tried telling my WW what she was doing is wrong (and so did all her friends) but she would not listen. Keith
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I am glad,very glad to hear that your WW decided against the OM being with her and the children.I hope that was the truth! Thank heavens.
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If what was just told to you is true, and OM wont be there...then I have two thoughts.
1. The Lord answered your prayers. He is protecting those kids. He allowed your wife to at least briefly see the truth and do the right thing.
2. If He can get thru to her on this one occasion, then she isnt beyond hope. it may be a small crack, but that may just be enough. No guarantees, but you keep sticking to your guns. And that crack may just widen until the whole thing falls apart.
In His arms.
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Not sure if the comments she told DS are true, but I am sure that OM is not there. I had to run to the store, so I decided to go past their apartment. I could see OM through the window. I had to get out of there, I started to have strong feelings & desires to go over and give him some pain of his own. I am home now, just had some chicken, and am watching the race. Yes MM, God is SOOOOOO GOOOOD to me. and I am trusting Him to continue His work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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So is OM with them or not?
L.
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No OM is at the apartment, WW & kids are at restaurant & then mall.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">watching the race. I am trusting Him to continue His work</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well then, that must mean Kenny Schrader is gonna win next week, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Hosea, Hope you have a good night. You deserve some rest. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Kids came home about 10:00PM. They went to dinner & the mall with WW ONLY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> DS & DD both told me that WW is now re-considering her situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> WW said that she wants to hold off on the D, and told OM that she is putting a hold on their plans for M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> She admitted to the kids that she is realizing that OM is not the night in shining armor she thought he was. Apparantly I have been able to Plan A even though I never knew if she was seeing it. While I realize that her & I haven't taqlked about our M since she walked out, I think that we have a chance now. I need to continue to Plan A for a bit longer, I guess how the mediation turns out will be the first test. Hopefully then I can entice her to end the A, & we can then work on our M. KEEP PRAYING FOR US PLEASE
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004: <strong>Apparantly I have been able to Plan A even though I never knew if she was seeing it.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I always say You only need to convinced WSthat you could/are changed ... words from kids and people that WS's trust about you travel to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Be careful and hang in there. -rh-
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Hosea, Don't settle for crumbs. She c/b using the children to plant ideas into both your minds and their's that keeps both doors open. Don't fall for it. It c/b a setup. Wait to see her actions and several actions at that before you make a move. 'Til then, work on your self improvements, be supportive to your family and work as a team (you and the children). Let her wonder if her words even made it to your ears. The more she wonders the less she is dwelling on the A and OM. Be low key. Let the hearing on Monday take place as if the A is going full strength. Don't give her any benefit of the doubt. If you do and if she is setting you up, she will sweep up at the hearing and you c/b back to square -1. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Be careful. L.
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TY Orchid,
That is the challenge I have before me, I WILL PROTECT MY KIDS but I also need to try to let her see that I don't hate her, and am not trying to punish her.
I am feeling very good right now, and I will wait to see actions, and more than just one.
I also know that if I can get her to come home, we can make it. OM can have all of the stuff in their apartment, all I want out of there is my wife.
If I can go to lunch with her and we can really have a chance to talk, I need to make sure she knows that I am NOT INTERSTED in having my old marriage back. I will only accept the marriage that God had intended for us, the shell of a M we had before will not do.
I know it seems like I am putting a lot of hope into this, but I have seen absolutely NO glimmer of hope since Thanksgiving, and I am so thankful to the Lord right now, I could just explode.
OK, Now here is where you fine folks are supposed to bring me down to earth, and help me to see things clearly if I am not. I don't want any BS fog to overtake me.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong>
....That is the challenge I have before me, I WILL PROTECT MY KIDS but I also need to try to let her see that I don't hate her, and am not trying to punish her......
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In the paragraph quoted above, the only part germane to your hearing is "I WILL PROTECT MY KIDS ". How your wife, thinks, feels or perceives you, during the hearing, is of no consequence. Your children are the issue during the hearing. You must be made of steel for their sakes.
All the best,
Gimble
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Hosea,
You need to take a few deep cleansing breathes and not use your valuable time trying to help the WS back to the family.
Why? In reality, not only do you not want your old m back, you definitely don't want a WS back. You want your W back.
Think about it and work from that angle. Practice how you will treat if you are in the presence of your W vs the WS. You should have 2 different method of operations since they are 2 distinct personalities.
L.
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time to extend a plan A gift...take her something from the house..that is small...that she likes...that has a memory attached...
a bauble you two bought on a vacation...nothing blatantly over the top...
leave it for...
just leave..
passed this in the living room...thought of you...thought you might want it...
NO conversation
no relationship talk...
leave it..
drop it off at her work...
take her a coffee or special treat at her lunchtime.....and leave it...
leave her thinking
leave her wondering...
leave her guessing...
ARK
ooops when is the hearing...
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Ark, I did the Plan A gift last week with a photo of her, her mom, & DD from Glamour shots, wrapped in a gift bag with a note: "Every time I see this I think of you, thought you would like to have it."
I think it did a good job.
Mediation is tomorrow, if we cannot agree on custody, then a hearing will be scheduled.
I am NOT trying to get WW back home, I am trying to get W to come home.
She told the kids that she wants to take them to the fair next Saturday, DS told her how I was all alone with them today, and asked her to invite me to join them next week. She told him "we'll see"
Continuing to PRAY & THANK THE LORD
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