OK as a few of you asked, here is what happenned yesterday to start this WONDERFUL chain of events.

PRAISE THE LORD

WW & I were scheduled to have our court ordered mediation regarding the custody of the kids. this was scheduled at 2:00PM. WW called me a little after 10:00AM, asked me if I wanted to meet & talk before the mediation. I said "sure, let's meet for lunch."

She was late getting there because she had a late morning meeting, I was a nervous wreck. when she arrived, she sat down, and immediately started crying. here is the conversation:

ME: "What's wrong"

HER: I'm afraid of what's going to happen today, I'm in trouble and I don't know how I can get out of it.

ME: WW I can help you get out of it if you will let me.

HER: I don't want a D, I don't want to ruin our family, and now I'm afraid I am going to hurt 2 families.

ME: WW, you know I never wanted this, and I still don't. If you are really ready to commit to our marriage, then we can do this.

HER: (still through the tears) I want to come home!

ME: I want you to know that I have no interest in regaining the marriage that we had, it sucked for you, and it sucked for me. WW, this is not going to be easy, there will be times when you are going to feel like leaving again, and there may be times that I will feel like telling you to leave, but if we both will commit to this, and really work together with Jesus help, we can have the marriage that God intended us to have. It means we are going to have to be totally honest with each other, stop all contact with OM immediately and take this one day at a time. we will need to find a pro-marriage MC. are you willing to do this?

HER: Yes, I can't do this to my family, my kids are being left behind, and I don't want to hurt them anymore.

ME: WW, I want to make sure that if we do this, we are not "trying to save our M" We are iether going to do this, or not. I cannot go through the hell I've been living for the last 2.5 months again.

HER: I want to do it.

TO BE CONTINUED (I have to get ready for work)

Great news Hosea!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Now, you need to come up with a plan for rebuilding your M... Her words sound great, but it's her actions that count.

Two things that come to mind for starters are
1) Have her write a NC letter to the OM and let you proof read it before you send it to him together. and
2) Marriage Counseling with a pro-marriage MC. (for me, this one was not negotiable)

Semper Fi,
RIF

It is wonderful Hosea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

'bout brought tears to my eyes.

(CONTINUED)

After more conversation in which She was saying all the right things, and I was able to see the sincerity I tried to cancel the mediation set up for 2:00PM. Since it was almost that time, we had to go there, it could not be cancelled.

When we got there, we informed our lawyers & the mediator that we wanted to put everything on hold. So we drafted an agreement that stops the D process for 3 months, and at that time we can cancel (or if needed re-file, but that won't be needed).

The attorneys, and the mediator all said that they had never had this happen before, and were a little dumbfounded by it. They all expressed that they were happy for us, and wanted us to succeed. In fact it was the mediators 24th anniversary.

We came home, drafted the following NC letter, and I delivered it to the apartment.

Now the real work begins. If anyone knows a real good MC in the Tampa area please email me: chuckwwl@tampabay.rr.com

Thank You to everyone for your prayers, and support. I will post more later.

NC Letter:

OM,

I know after all the things we have talked about that what I have to say will come as a shock, but I want you to know that out of respect and love for my husband and kids, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that Chuck and the kids did not deserve.

While I cannot completely repay Chuck for the pain I have caused him, we have committed to become the husband and wife we both had been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I realized there was no way I could go through with the divorce and see my family and home torn in half. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

I realize that allowing you to move here was wrong; I also realize that destroying my family is a far greater wrong. I deeply regret the pain and suffering my family and now you and yours will go through. It was a very selfish thing for me to do. Please let the kids know I never wanted to hurt them, they are precious.

Chuck will make arrangements to get my things from the apartment, and we will pay the rent through the end of the lease (June 30 2005). I want you to take time to decide to either stay in Florida or go back to Nevada while the kids finish up the school year here if you desire. The Nextel phone will be active for the remainder of this month at which time I will need the phone back. I will leave the home phone on and you can get it switched over to your name along with the electric. The cable and internet will be disconnected at the end of the month so you can get the cable/internet service you prefer. I will want to keep the living room furniture, and we have a tan sleeper sofa and recliner, end tables, lamps and coffee table that Chuck will have delivered when we pick up the furniture. You can email him at ######### or call his cell at ### ###-#### to let us know the best time to come by to collect my personal items. Please keep whatever is left in your account to take care of you and your kids needs until you begin receiving a regular pay.

Please understand that this is the only course of action that is acceptable in order to stop the pain and suffering to my family.

Sincerely,

W

I typed most of this, and agreed to the final copy, it was delivered to his door, but nobody was home so I wedged it in the jamb.

He called her cell phone & left a voice mail when he got home last night, acting like he never got the letter, so this morning I am hand delivering another copy.

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 06:27 AM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

Hosea -

That is wonderful..I'm so happy for you.

Georgia

Hosea -tried e-mailing you it just came back so I will try here -I see Dr. Domenick J. Magilio, Ph.D., L.M.H.C. in Spring Hill 352-686-1934 -he is wonderful.

Hosea, I am thrilled that your wife seems to be beginning to come out of the fog. I do want to caution you, though, that withdrawal WILL set in, so be prepared for a bumpy ride for a while.

Also, do NOT expect the OM to "just go away quietly." He may, but it is unlikely. So continue to be vigilant for contacts and attempted contacts. This is just the start, of the "off road" course and it WILL have bumps and twists along the way. YOU are going to have to be stronger than you have been for quite a while, so stay with the Lord in obedience and patience.

You asked about counselors in the Tampa area, so I'll "go you one better" and give you a listing of ALL the National Association Nouthetic Counselors in the State of Florida. You can pick and choose those you may wish to contact.

NANC Referral Network Search Results for the state of: FL
------------
Lakeside Community Chapel
Harry Nichols
Clearwater
727-441-1714 hnichols@lakesidechapel.com
------------
Lakeside Community Chapel
Steven McInerney
Clearwater Beach
727-674-0063 macsjz@hotmai.com
------------
1st Baptist of Dayton Beach
Del Ritz
Daytona Beach
386-756-1147 dboxer@cfl.rr.com
------------
Royal Palm Ministries Inc.
Marianne Dedeug
Ft. Myers
941-939-0707 Readiread@aol.com
------------
HOPE Biblical Counseling Center
Virginia Stewart
Ft. Myers
239-481-0777 ginny@wpcapca.org
------------
McGregor Baptist
Faith Heise
Ft. Myers
239-992-1211 faithful@execpc.com
------------
Heritage Center for Biblical Counseling
Patricia Thompson
Ft. Myers
239-561-8824 heritagegbc@earthlink.net
------------
The Heritage Center For Biblical Counseling
Scott Menard
Ft. Myers
239-561-5322 drscottmenard@aol.com
------------
First Assembly of God
Mary Abraham
Ft. Myers
239-267-4685 maryaabraham@hot.mail
------------
Sharon Orthodox Presbyterian Church
Jeffrey K. Boer
Hialeah
305-821-5761 DrBoer@aol.com
------------
Orange Park Bible Church
Richard McRae
Jacksonville
904-272-7517 richmcrae@comcast.net
------------
First Baptist Church
Ronald Fort
Jasper
904-792-2122 dmfort@autel.net
------------
Covenant Presbyterian Church
Ruth Ann Bruce
Naples
239-597-3464 ext 211 kwra126@naples.net
------------
Faith Covenant Church
Paul Stone
Seminole
727-525-1699 paulndrema@att.net
------------
Chinese Christian Alliance Church of Tampa Bay Area
Geoffrey Fui-Khiong Yong
Tampa
813-935-8369 geof_yong@hotmail.com
------------

Hosea, you and your wife are in my prayers.

If you'd like a couple of pamphlets to "get you started" I can email them to you. They were given to my wife and I when we began counseling. If you'd like them, drop me a note at mbforeverhers@yahoo.com and I'll send them to you.

This will be a time of spiritual growth and understanding for the two of you. YOUR forgiveness may be tested from time to time, so rememeber the threefold promise you made in saying "I forgive you."

God bless and guide you both to a closer walk with Him in the building of new and better marriage.

H

Great news!! Your wife seems really sincere in that conversation. I remember my wife and I's conversation. Happy and scared as hell at the same time. virtual high-5 for you.

The counselor we saw is in St. Pete. I saw her individually for almost a year and she really helped. Her name is Jane Draughon. She also happens to be our Pastor's wife.

Her website is www.janedraughon.com.

Phone # is 727-895-5600

God Bless

Doug

Hosea,

I have to admit to crying as I read all of this. It is so wonderful to see a WS go home and a family be reunited. I echo the words of the others....this will not be easy, but it all sounds incredibly encouraging. Best wishes and blessings to you!!!

You have done well Hosea. Plese make sure you sit down and pray and thank the Lord for what He has done here. there are so many lessons I learned thru all of this about Him andm y relationship with Him. he drew you nearer to Him during all of this. As you rebuild yoru family and your marriage, do not lose sight of the relationship you have with Him. It is the most important one in your life.

Now the hard work begins. But instead of it being hard and hurting, this hard work should be inspiring, even in the tough times. Because you are building something here! Make sure the foundation is on the Lord. give her a break...she is going to go thru withdrawal...and you are goingto have issues you never thought you had (anger, resentment). Commitment...and cutting each other a break. those two things, while following Christ's lead...will get you thru.

I too remember the words and the look on my wife's face when she gave up and the fog cleared. Such pain! Protect your wife now Hosea. Take care of her. As I am sure you will agree, I never want to see that kind of pain on my wife's face ever again.

In His arms.

hosea...

be prepared for withdrawal
be prepared for false no contact recoveries...
be prepared for imtimacy issues on both sides..
AND
be prepared for your own emotional reactions

be upfront with how any see-sawing will affect the children...

be honest about that damage that HE and SHE suffered upon your children and HIS>....

make firm firm firm boundaries.....with limits and plans on what YOUR actions will be when and if crossed....

recovery waters can be in my opinion more trecherous than active affair waters...
batten down the hatches my friend....
this may just be beginning....

ARK

Hosea, I'm very happy for you.

But now the wet rag comes out. I said similar things and My STBX said similar things.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ME: I want you to know that I have no interest in regaining the marriage that we had, it sucked for you, and it sucked for me. WW, this is not going to be easy, there will be times when you are going to feel like leaving again, and there may be times that I will feel like telling you to leave, but if we both will commit to this, and really work together

HER: Yes, I can't do this to my family, my kids are being left behind, and I don't want to hurt them anymore.

ME: WW, I want to make sure that if we do this, we are not "trying to save our M" We are iether going to do this, or not. I cannot go through the hell I've been living for the last 2.5 months again.

HER: I want to do it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, needless to say. I committed. My STBX "tried" and lied.

I don't have any advice. You can't make somebody commit, and you can't tell somebody that they said they were going to do it, whatever it takes to get the job done.

My STBX committed to me 15 years ago. Meant nothing to her. It meant nothing when I reminded her of our vows. She took vows of convenience.

Hosea, you two have taken the first necessary step. I have so much hope for you and your kids. You nor them deserved what happened. The recovery path has to start with that first step. But remember that the path is sometimes slippery, sometimes uphill, sometimes muddy.

I envy you right now, but am fearful too. Protect your heart.

I walk that recovery path too, but I walk alone.

TJ

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

hosea,

I am so happy to read of the recent occurences with your WW. I am a little bit concerned about the following.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I typed most of this, and agreed to the final copy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you just type the letter or were you the main architect? If you are the main architect, I worry about the ease that a lot of WS have in disowning these words when challenged by an OM contact. And you can bet the farm that there will be an attempt by the OM.

I also share ark's concern as to the danger of the recovery phase. Try not to fix this yourself. Let your WW take charge. As coach350 put it so wisely "if she was smart enough to start and continue with the A she is definitley smart enough to figure out a way to repair your M"

Best of luck and you are both in my prayers.

Good luck Hosea!!!

Hosea, you have heard such wonderful advice that I am only going to say congratulations and pray, pray, pray with your W and alone. Be vigilant and be proud of the man you are. {{Hosea}}

TY everyone for the support.

A few of you have commented about the extent that I had in the NC letter. I typed out the one from SAA, I got up, she sat down, and revised it to make it fit our situation. I then proofed it, agreed and printed it.

I then delivered it.

Since then he has attempted contact, by calling her cell last night and leaving a message, in his message he tried to get her to think he didn't get the letter. SO this morning, I printed another copy, went to the apartment with a co-worker, and knocked on the door. after a few minutes I knocked again, and he opened the door, all wet as if he was in the shower. I handed him a new copy of the letter and said, "This is for you."

I was at the property for business, and standing near the entry about 45 minutes later when he drove up, aksed me if I intended to go into the apartment right now. I said "No, I'm here on business." he informed me that his son was in there, home sick. So I said I would meet him this afternoon, and get W's stuff.

He tried to call W again after the second letter delivery, and said in VM that he got the first letter, and that he didn't need the second. SO when I see him this afternoon, I will inform him, that if he cannot read, or understand the letter, maybe the public library across the street will help him. Otherwise I can only assume that he needs a new copy.

I will not go alone to the apartment, because I am fearful that I will smack him if he gets mouthy. But I will make sure he knows thatevery time he attempts to contact W, he will get a response from ME.

I think that will help him get the picture.

Hosea,

I'm so happy for you. I really hope it all works out.

Very smart about just postponing the divorce for 3 months, not cancelling it altogether.

Talk is cheap, you need actions. That gives her some time to prove that she is really is committed to reconciliation.

Sounds like you did all the right things. Keep on doing them and good luck!

Miker

{{Hosea}}

Good move to make sure that he hears from you whenever he tries to contact your W. He'll know that she's telling you when he calls. I wish you the best.

C

Congats,

Talk about taking it to the wire. Best of luck