Hello all,

I have been mainly posting on the other board Divorce/divorcing for advice on my situation. It wa suggested to me to also start my own thread on this board as well.

Most of my story is under "Is all hope Lost" and I have received some very good advice from people already. I am always looking for others who may have shared my same experience and would like to offer their advice as well.

My story is basically this: I have been married for 11 years and have two children. I got to a point in my marriage where I felt unhappy and needed more attention. Instead of communicating with my H, I started going out with new "toxic" friends I had made and having girls nights out. It eventually lead to a PA. I was drawn up in the moment and liked the attention I was getting. While I went out, H also seeking more attention started a EA online (although even to this day, he denies it)

I was lifted out of the fog and broke my PA off and decided to come clean and tell H. Of course he took it very hard...left to his parents for the weekend. Came back and we tried to work on M. He continued talking to OW. I confronted him on it and he blew up at me telling me he's had enough he was ending it. He blamed me for everything. I deeply hurt him for what I did to him.

Since then he has moved out to his parents house. When he came and picked the kids up, i would cry and plead with him..only to make him more angry. This last weekend when he dropped off the kids, I held my head up high smiled and talked. No crying, arguing or controlling him to come back. I even was first to say bye..see ya next weekend. It was the official start of my plan A.

Problem is..I'm not sure what else to do. Is there any advice out there?

Have you considered individual counseling and/or have you considered marriage counseling. Displaying a sincere effort to counsel with a professional, even if your H won't join you, would be beneficial to your Plan A.

Nip the LB's, get counseling, be patient.

I think it's good for you to Plan A. I am assuming this is being done in an effort to end his EA. Two wrongs don't make a right. He is as accountable for his actions as you are for yours.

Last night was the second night in a row that H did not call to talk to his kids. My D11 was getting upset and asked me if she could call him. My FIL answered and told her he wasn't home..that he was with a friend. She came back and told me with a worried look on her face. It seems that my kids are on edge about him going out because on his first weekend he told them (I'll never get married again, I might just get a gilrfriend, but not for a long long time")

I'm in shock..now he's going out with a "friend" i go in my bedroom and start to cry. My D11 tries to comfort me, but I shoo her out of the room..she shouldn't see me this way.

H finally calls her at 9pm. I hear her yelling in the phone "daddy who were you with?" "No, tell me..I want to know!" After a few more minutes of talking she hangs up and comes into my room. She tells me that when she asked him who he was with, he got quiet and tried to change the subject. She asked again and he again changed the subject. So she started talking about her dog. She went back to the subject again and he got quiet..she asked him "Daddy, were you with Dave?" He told her yes. She says she doesn't trust him.

I am almost at the end of my rope. Now not only is he lying and breaking my heart, he is now doing it to his kids. In my book that is not OK. He still has not paid me one red cent for child support of his half of the bills when he left. So I have decided with a heavy heart, to file divorce first. At least this was, I can have a court order him to pay. I really don't want to, but I feel I have no other choice. I also thought of just filing Legally Separated, and still have court ordered child support, but I am in CA I don't think we have that option.

Is filing for divorce ending my plan A?