I just wanted to thank everyone for their opinions, and to let you know I'm going to be lurking for a while.

My wife is a smart cookie and I was a sloppy web browser - she found my posts and now my inner thoughts and the harsh opinions of others are part of our discussion. I realize that at some point we'll be able to talk about this and laugh, but for now I need to keep this part of my life to myself.

Some things I've learned so far:
- Even though I've said it, I don't really want our old marriage back. I want a new, honest, exciting marriage with this great lady. We can take this experience and grow from it - instead of letting it split us apart.
- I've done a bad job at meeting her ENs. The needs I met were not the ones she was looking for (and she found the missing ones in the OM). Given time, I know I will meet them again.
- It's hard, but I've slowed down and taken a look at myself and found many things to change. Whether or not the M works, I'll be a better person.
- My situation is stereotypical. She says the same things that many of you have said. 'im out of love', 'why don't you want me to be happy', 'I'm done. I want a D.', 'We're just friends', etc. It gives me comfort to see that many/most of you made it through that.
- My wife is unbelievably hurt, and I'm an idiot not to have seen it happening.


And most importantly...
I'm going to fight for our marriage. The love I feel for her and the kids is something I can't put into words.


Thanks again, everyone. I'll go back to lurking now, and pop back up in a few weeks.

Hi Extropy,

Sorry to see you leave.You know, I have two thoughts about this: you could change your screen name to rejoin us again.

And you could request that your WW stay off this site since it's your personal forum right now for exploring and seeking help.Maybe one day she could join you here in Marriage Building.

In any event,don't forget: your WW is the one acting inapproporiately here.Yes you may not have filled some needs but many people don't even know what they are themselves so don't take blame for your WW's contact with OM.That is wrong and should stop.If she values your marriage and time with you most,she will do what it takes to make you feel safe,secure and loved.

Take care now~

O

Hi Justin.
I am sorry to hear that this place that you felt as a SAFE HAVEN to share your inner thoughts and hurts, is no longer safe for you.

I guess your wife now knows who your friend JULIE is!~lol~

Maybe in the long run, it will be for the best that she knows the grief that is in your heart and the true and enduring love you have for her and how you so desperately desire to have your marriage be the best it can be.

Even though you won't be posting often, you can still learn so very much, just from reading here.
And feel free to pop in and post a message so we know you are still around.

Sincerely, Julie Jo Johnson <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It sounds like your visit here was competely worthwhile. I think you're on the right track. Personally, I think it's great that she visits here. Perhaps she has learned also. Good luck to you both.