Hi Guys

Please find attached my story

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=005087

Should I tell my wife about this site to try and steer her out of thr fog.Maybe she will just laugh at me and use this to better improve her future relationhip with the current lover. Alternatively, I let her become statistic with me and with him!! 3% success of affairs as long term relationships.

What do you think?

No. Don't send her here until you are well into recovery. Trying to educate her is a lovebuster and you will no longer be able to use this forum as a support forum for yourself. You will lose this as a resource for yourself.

What works to steer her out of the fog will be things like no contact with OP and exposure.

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 11:33 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Hi Melody,

Thanks .. that was close!! Me thinking of others before myself again .. did not know it was a lovebuster!

I have had no contact and I have done the exposure .. No result !!

No do not show her. It's our ace in the hole. You need to also try the MB approach. I noticed you said you did NC but also exposed.

Sounds like somebody (you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> needs to contact guys like redhat and bob pure and learn all there is to know about a killer plan A with lots of love!

Miguel-

You said "I have had NC and have done exposure", when did you do the exposure? Have you done plan A? You have to do an astronomical Plan A before you just don't talk to your WS, if saving your marriage is your goal.

I agree with Melody on not showing your WW this site, I've done a lot of stupid crap, but my WH has NO CLUE that I come to this board, or that I've read the books, in my opinion it would be tantamount to revealing your plan to the enemy just before you go into battle.

Maybe I'll tell him when we're in recovery I came to MB for help, but I will not do so until that time. He has no computer, but I can't risk him coming to this site, I can't risk losing the support I receive here.

Also, on your comment .. No result !! As far as I know the only *result* from exposure, at least in the short term is getting your WS really, really mad at you LOL. The long term result *hopefully* is that it will be the beginning of the end of the A.

-Caren

Hay Caren,

I did exposure long before doing or knowing what a Plan A was or even .. knowing this site. Like many of us here .. I have made alot of mistakes.

#Exposure .. When .. 1st week that she told me.. I contacted te OM's wife and she was already aware .. also very blazay about the whole thing.

## More Exposure When .. After 5 moinths .. I sent an e-mail to top executives at her company putting down afew nice words . Oh yeh . the e-mail account was in her name .. so looked as if the e-mail came directly from her and lover (OM) .. that must have turned the heat up for them !!

Talk to my WW ... that is a laugh .. she wants no contact with me and it is here who has done the dirty deed.She is rushing for a divorce instead .. so that OM and her can run off into sunset together .. girlish dream !! It also assures OM's low self esteem that she wants him and not me.

Yes, I also agree not to share the site.

I made the mistake of leaving myself logged in, and my wifey read everything I had said. I'm not hiding anything, but it created issues when others would say things she disagreed with - and I didn't take up for her.

She thinks this board is full of a bunch of wackos. Everywhere you go there'll be some good advice and bad. Just take it all in and make your own judgements.

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: Extropy ]</small>

miguel

When they are in the fog, you cannot teach them anything nor should you try. Remember, you cannot teach if you don't have a student.

Miguel hon,

You're desperate, I can tell, and I can relate. CALM down, now isn't the time to be hasty. Your WW may say she wants no contact, but that isn't necessarily the case, they ALL say that, they almost ALL immediately request a divorce...they think that's the answer.

Read up on plan A, start doing it....fill whatever EN's she'll let you fill, you have to make yourself an attractive alternative to OM.

If you knew me you'd know I've done crazier things than you've even thought about, I won't go into it, because I don't want to give you any ideas you haven't thought of yet, suffice to say it was a BAD idea. I believe it pushed my WS farther away.....and that's not the result we're going for, is it?!?!?

Slow down.....breathe.......think. Start thinking of ways you can show your love for her....and do them. You should NOT be in NC right now, you need to be in contact with her in order to show her that you've changed or are changing whatever it was that she didn't like....see what I mean??? I am the master @ plan A...it's Plan B I seem to have difficulty with.

Hang in there, and read....you'll get it.

-Caren

Hey Miguel !

I told you this in email - you can't change your missus - you can only change YOU and INFLUENCE your missus.

Fix YOU and all goodness flows from there. A broken BS never won their M back. This is a hard gig, you need to be as strong and confident as you can be.

Your Missus doesn;t know shes fogged up, she thinks the world is a dodgy soap opera right now. Its all a bit exciting and dramatic to her, its only fould and rank with the stench of betrayal to everyone else.

All blessings mucker.

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: b0b pure* ]</small>

Bob-

Sorry this is a bit O/T but your words CRACK ME UP.....lol.

For example: didgy and mucker

Sorry, just had to comment on that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You're advice is excellent, btw

-Caren

Caren, Miguel is a Englishman from just up the road from me. We can use English words ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LOL Bob, just because you're both in England does not give you the right to say words that I don't know the definitions of LOL!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

-Caren

"dodgy" is suspicious, unreliable or specious. "mucker" is 'friend' or "pal".

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You didn't really have to define them, but thanks for doing it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-Caren

Hey Bob,

Nice to speak to you again ..Looks like weve got these yanks (Sorry) on the run with the old english code. Reminds me of the film .. ''windtalkers''.

Any chance of some bromy slang ..so that I can through in some geordie humour.? An englishman .. not quite ..

Let me introduce myself ..:-
''A geordie living south of the borders of (Iraqi/English/Scotch/Irish/Italian/French) ancestry'' .. married to an Italian/french WW... It'no wonder I am in such a pickle !!

I am starting to change little me already .. took a hard look at myself and don't recognise myself anymore. I have started reading up on anger management and I am starting to look after myself a little more!! I am trying not to blame myself .. but wake up every morning with the shakes and a dream excerpt from my children.

Ok Mate .. I hear your words of wisdom and thanks for sticking by me... Pull it together mig .. before you go up in flames.

P.S .. I read your history and tough days ..sorry that it ahppened to you. I am happy that you pulled it up.

A wing and payer Hay

Thats the spirit Mig !

U saw the cr@p I was in and well, my baby's here now beside me convincing me to make her a sandwich by showing me her boobs ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anything is possible !

KiwiJs Husband Rob is a Geordie ! And a real star.

Hay,

Lucky Bugger .. that brings a tear to my eyes.

I am so proud to be with a group of friends like you guys.. we are reaching out and supporting each other across oceans and continents.. Of only my WW could see how hard I am trying!! Love is blind I guess.

I yearn tonight and every night for the warm touch of my children, the smile on their face and just to know that they are safe. I love them so!

Mig, there are people on here who are supernaturally skilled and insightful I SWEAR.

I would certainly be a divorced man today if not for Harley's books and the folks on here. I mean it.

Easy matey.

Mig-

Okay I read your first 2 entries of the thread you had on the "Just Found Out" board. I scanned the rest of the post.

I still don't really see where you've done much of a Plan A. I realize that it would be difficult to do since your WW has been away for so long. Is there anything you can do legally to get at least visitation with the children?

I'm thinking since you only have limited contact with her, that you should be pleasant with her on the phone, even if she is being a heinous b*tch to you. They have to act that way so they can justify to themselves what they are doing, if not they would see that they are being deplorable human beings.

In any event, you have to remember that you can't change your WW, you can only change you. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's the God's honest truth.

You seem to have calmed down a little....that's good. I could sense the urgency in your posts. We all panic like that every now and then.

I am mostly concerned about your children at this juncture, you need to see them. I think this would also give you plan A opportunities when you pick them up...etc.

Has your wife suggested that the baby isn't yours?? I just don't know if this is the best time to go after that.

-Caren

P.S. what on earth is a geordie??