I am the betrayed spouse (male). I feel like i want to destroy/throw-away the gifts from the lover to my spouse; remove them from my home. My wayward spouse also had sex in our bed with her lover. Is it wrong for me to want to get rid of the bed, blankets...? My wife thinks i'm over reacting.

I would to. Then take her out shopping for a new set.

i tossed it all----told him the car had to go too---if it was in the driveway the next day i was gonna test out my truck on it....a big arssed ford 4 wheel drive 8 passenger suv!!! lol if i coulda ripped the skin off his body i woulda!!lol

I'm sorry, I should have put more thought into my answer. Yes tell her in a nice way that these things are a wedge between the two of you. As long as those reminders are there it hurts your feelings and your feelings toward her. Let her know you want to start the recovery and you need to get those triggers out of the way. I hope this helps.

Looking back from my own perspective. Anything that causes the mental triggers of my FWW's A I wanted gone. The less your thinking about it, the less depressed you are, the better your R will be and should also help recovery. Good Luck!

"gifts from the lover to my spouse" Those should definitely be thrown away immediately.


The other stuff like your bed and sheets could be replaced if you can afford to replace them. If you can not afford to replace them then just wash everythign real good.

***I am the betrayed spouse (male). I feel like i want to destroy/throw-away the gifts from the lover to my spouse; remove them from my home.***

Of course you do. That stuff should be out of there YESTERDAY -- give it away, trash it, or burn it. If your wife does not want to do this, that should be a HUGE red flag to you.

***My wayward spouse also had sex in our bed with her lover. Is it wrong for me to want to get rid of the bed, blankets...?***

I think you would be crazy if you didn't want to haul the damn bed to the city dump and burn it. Get the entire thing out of your house TODAY and buy a new one.

Your wife had sex with another man in YOUR bed. That is the *ultimate* rejection and the *ultimate* humilation for any husband (or wife, if it's reversed.)

The whole house is going to stink until you get EVERYTHING from the affair out of it -- ESPECIALLY that bed.

***My wife thinks i'm over reacting.***

My first thought was, "Your wife is insane."

My second thought was, "Your wife is clueless and unrepentant. She has not one ounce of understanding or empathy for what she has really done to you. Be very, very careful."

Now go get rid of that bed!
Mulan

Thank you all for your unanimus opinion and support. There is strengh (and confort) in numbers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RHM:
<strong> I'm sorry, I should have put more thought into my answer. Yes tell her in a nice way that these things are a wedge between the two of you. As long as those reminders are there it hurts your feelings and your feelings toward her. Let her know you want to start the recovery and you need to get those triggers out of the way. I hope this helps. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

It is hard for me to get/understand how she could think it would be okay to keep gifts from the X lover. I

I wonder how often a plan B is effective. Our stats. on this available anywhere on this site?

Thanks,
Stormy

Sorry posted reply on the wrong one.

My WH and OW had sex in our truck, which we only bought a few months before. I hate riding in there. Think about it every time I climb in. We can't really get rid of it though. Can't afford to get a new one. I just avoid it whenever I can. I remember one time I got in and the seat was pushed WWWAAAyYY back and tilted. He mumbled something about one of his co-workers sitting in that seat. Ya right. The guy isn't very tall and his co-workers never would have a reason to ride in our truck, since WH has a company truck and the co-workers have probably never even SEEN our truck. WH drives the company truck to work every single day.
Caught him in that lie, among others that I've never mentioned that I've figured out.

I often wonder what gifts and cards they bought each other. My WH always got me these sickening "humorous" type cards. Bet he got her romantic ones. Funny how sex and love is so much more intense with the person you are having the affair with. So blinding.

I wonder if they ever got to see each other in the morning with stinky breath and messy hair and OW's makeup all over her face, would it still be so great then? Not to mention living together every day and having to put up with each other's crabby moments? I know OW would crap her pants if she knew the way my WH really is on a day to day basis.

Cain,
You are definitely not overreacting.

I have gone threw all of our photos and old Christmas cards and irradicated all of & from OM.

Our wedding album has a missing photo of him and W.

The only thing I can't get rid of is the tape from the wedding. He is in background dancing next to my wife. Ironically his wife and I aren't visible in the crowd of people. I laughed when I saw this recently.

Mac

OW also had sex in my bed. I was incredulous that my husband had brought her there. I immediately bought new bedding once I found out but it wasn't good enough. I moved house and got a new bed.

The marital bed is something sacred; like the wedding ring. Both of these things have so little meaning for me now. My WH really was possessed in the height of the affair. How I stayed so calm, when I look back on the things he said and did, I don't know. Thank God for the children. I'm sure having to care for them stopped me wallowing in self-pity and gave me a purpose.

I think your WS should respect any reasonable request from you in your recovery. If the gifts are a trigger, they should go. TT

Your post just got me thinking. This would make a terrific "Business" idea.

Selling "gifts" and "beds" and "Cars" etc. where infidelity was involved.

I'm sure we could fill a mall!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Anyways, I too got rid of everything that reminded me of my husbands affair.
We sold his car + trailer and the gifts were thrown into a bag and I brought them to OW house personally and hung it on her door-nob.

I sold my horse...OW had touched him many times and I couldn't "take it" it was a constant reminder.
We are now selling our other horses and everything concerning horses.

We're getting into "new" hobbies altogether.

We both have agreed to take a break from this and try out "new" things but who knows maybe we'll make a "new" start someday only with different horses and equipment.

So again "infidelity" could become a great "business" with lots of different things to buy. So sad and yet true............. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

BTW: You are NOT overacting!!!! "Let your WS read this! All "reminders" have to be gotten rid of in order to "move forward" otherwise you as a BS will never find peace!

take care
bb

The only good thing is that my WW didn't bring him to our house.
I took all the cloths she wore that night and slashed them to pieces and then burned them - including her favorite boots. I pounded the earrings she was wearing into nothing with a hammer and then threw what was left on the fire with her cloths. When the fire burned out I used gasoline to burn the ashes.

You are NOT over reacting.