Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 158
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 158 |
I've been thinking about this. I love my wife very much and the idea of her having sex with OM is repulsive (nothing I can do to change the past so I just have to learn to live with it). So the question is:
How did you (FWS) feel about your lover having SF with his/her S?
EDIT: I followed BP suggestion to change the WS to FWS. Still if there is a WS who can answer this question it would be very interesting.
<small>[ March 11, 2005, 06:09 PM: Message edited by: notsosadman28 ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
NSSM maybe it would be better to address this post to FWS, rather than WS.
WS usually aren't thinking very straight as they are in active affairs, and probably lie to each other about their home sexual activities. And I think we only have a couple of WS on here right now.
Maybe some of our FWS may be able to shed som elight on this for you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297 |
Thanks BP, I don't answer threads that have WS in the title.
Well, Notsosadman, this question did come up both with OM and me.
I felt it was not my right or my place to question his s/f with his w but he told me that s/f with his w was wonderful and meaningful. I told him that s/f with my H was exceptionally good. All true.
As I point out here over and over and over again the really, really dangerous thing with A's is the emotional attachment.
Jen
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 158
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 158 |
KiwiJ, Sorry for the title <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and thanks for the reply/ I agree with you about the emmotional link to OP being the relevant thing in the end and that is what I'm trying to understand. As I mentioned I love my FWW very much and the idea of her being with OM is devastating, so I ask myself if she loved OM then how could she live with the idea of him going back to his W everyday. So the logical conclusion is that she didn't really love him (I do believe that people in A can really love each other but they are the exceptions). But again maybe logic doesn't apply to the WS mind. You see what I'm trying to say?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 895
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 895 |
I am in agreement with Kiwi - The emotional attachment is the most dangerous part. (Except or STDs)...
My affair was an EA, never advanced to PA, but she was always talking about her sexual escapades with her husband. I didn't mind it much, because I was in some sort of mode (the fog) that justified just about any action. I was always curious why she would have sex with the guy - he was a drug addict, abusive (she was always covered with bruises), but I figured it wasn't my business.
I can't say what would have happened had my A advanced to a PA - so I can't fully answer your question....
David
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 515
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 515 |
I didn't have a PA but it was headed that way that's for sure.
I have to agree with Kiwi and others - the emotional attachment is much more serious and harder to get over.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297 |
Hi Carol, thanks for the nice words on the other thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Notsosadman, this takes me back to stuff I don't like talking about but if it helps I'll keep going.
To be honest, I couldn't stand that his w got him 24/7. At the time I wished she'd just fall off the face of the earth. But it was just something I had to accept. OM made it very, very clear from the start that I was an "add on" to his m. That was not the way I felt about the A. I wanted more.
And, as usual, when I've written a post like this I need to put the disclaimer - that was then, this is now.
Jen
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 15
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 15 |
NSSM-
I have to agree that the emotional aspect of the A is much stronger than the physical part. However, it's because of the emotional part that made it difficult for me to think of the OM have SF with his W. I know it's a stupid thing, but I guess it is all a part of the fog. I always had a very hard time with his intimate relationship with his W, so I told him that I never wanted to know about it. I know it sounds crazy, but I just wanted to be honest with you.
KMT
|
|
|
|
1 members (1 invisible),
230
guests, and
64
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
