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Read his story from the link starting the thread. He already has confronted his wife about it and they are in the limbo of her deciding between the 2 of them. If you read his story it becomes evident why he is wondering about exposing it at their work.
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Melody Lane
You really do have some issues...the need on your part to quote my earlier post...very childish indeed.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> Melody Lane
You really do have some issues...the need on your part to quote my earlier post...very childish indeed. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you have an issue with that?
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down but trying
Ok...thanks...I will try to read the whole thread.
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M&S
I've seen some awesome advice from MelodyLane.
As a side note, why is a WH in love with the OW and still involved in the A trying to give advice on what a BS should do about the affair? If you read a little more on the site you might start to understand what your wife is going through.
I congratulate you for coming here. I wish my WW would get involved in the forums.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by down but trying:
<strong> Read his story from the link starting the thread. He already has confronted his wife about it and they are in the limbo of her deciding between the 2 of them. If you read his story it becomes evident why he is wondering about exposing it at their work. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">down, I don't think she really cares about that. She is overreacting as a resentful WS who is still in "love" with the OP and feels very threatened by exposure herself.
M&S, you need to take this off of Squiggles thread and start up your own thread if you want to condemn Marriage Builders program. This man is here for help in using this program to save his marriage. He has enough on his plate without you attacking him for using MB principles.
You are doing Squiggles no favors by bringing this hatred and conflict into his thread. I have notified the mods about this and would apprecite it if you would just start your own thread and leave this man alone.
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Melody Lane
No...I have no issue with that, doesn't bother me, as you don't know my situation. I just don't see the point in why you quoted.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> Melody Lane
No...I have no issue with that, doesn't bother me, as you don't know my situation. I just don't see the point in why you quoted. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I explained my point quite well.
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MelodyLane
No, I do not feel threatened by my own exposure, if you read my post, I already was.
And no, I am not bitter, not at all.
I think you are over reacting to my posts, it is my opinion, in my experience from both sides of the fence, in this exposure issue. "You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink".
People are resonsible for their own behaviour, and calling everyone else out for them to own up to it that behaviour is not everyone elses responsibility. Envolving an employer is WAY out of bounds.
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MelodyLane
Hatred???....what hatred?....notifying the mod's...what the heck? Opinions stated as I did?...isn't that what forums are all about for crying out loud? Otherwise, why have them???
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">People are resonsible for their own behaviour, and calling everyone else out for them to own up to it that behaviour is not everyone elses responsibility. Envolving an employer is WAY out of bounds.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MoonandStars, and it is Dr. Willard Harley's opinion, as a reknowned, successful psychologist with a solid track record of salvaged marriages, that exposure is very effective.
As I mentioned before, depending on the circumstance, it may be very appropriate to expose an affair at the workplace. It isn't always necessary, but it can be very useful in ending an affair. So you are out of bounds to say that at workplace exposure is out of bounds, it most certainly is not.
Exposure isn't asking others to "be responsible" for the affair; that isn't the point. The point is to embarrass the WS and create pressure on the affair to end. It is very effective!
<small>[ March 16, 2005, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane
Hatred???....what hatred?....notifying the mod's...what the heck? Opinions stated as I did?...isn't that what forums are all about for crying out loud? Otherwise, why have them??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, the mods have been notified. It is very shabby to come to Marriage Builders and hijack this desperate man's thread with your hateful bashing of this program. He came here to learn about this program and save his marriage, not listen to some WS bash the very principles he is trying to learn..
<small>[ March 16, 2005, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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MelodyLane
Exposure at the work place can be VERY detrimental to the exposed person. It can lead to demotions, failure to rise in workplace, and even firings. Even in this day and age, not all work places are covered by federal employment rights (some are soverign nations).
I am not condeming, nor did I condem the workings of Marriage Builders
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane
Exposure at the work place can be VERY detrimental to the exposed person. It can lead to demotions, failure to rise in workplace, and even firings. Even in this day and age, not all work places are covered by federal employment rights (some are soverign nations).
I am not condeming, nor did I condem the workings of Marriage Builders </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">M&S, I think when you call exposure "sick" that would probably be construed as condemnation. Why not take this off of Squiggles thread and start your own thread? He doesn't need this nonsense here and you are doing him no favors. He came here for help in the Marriage Builders program, let us help the man.
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MelodyLane
Not sure what your are speaking of, but I did no "hateful bashing".
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane
Not sure what your are speaking of, but I did no "hateful bashing". </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Go start your own thread, please.
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MelodyLane
And you Miss Melody are doing more harm than good in your hatred.
Yeah, exposing the WS to family may get them to admit. Then what do you have, if you can salvage your marriage? A mother-in-law/father-in-law that will never forgive the sorry so and so for what you did? The relationship will never be the same again between all. Mothers/fathers never forget the wrong done to their child, especially in regards to this.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane
And you Miss Melody are doing more harm than good in your hatred.
Yeah, exposing the WS to family may get them to admit. Then what do you have, if you can salvage your marriage? A mother-in-law/father-in-law that will never forgive the sorry so and so for what you did? The relationship will never be the same again between all. Mothers/fathers never forget the wrong done to their child, especially in regards to this. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course the relationships will never be the same, as they shouldn't. This kind of betrayal [affair] changes EVERYTHING. But it is the AFFAIR that causes the damage, not the exposure.
And yes, families do resent the WS for their affair, that is a consequence of the affair that the WS has to face. Affairs cause great pain to family members also. Which is why truly remorseful WS's apologize to the family members as well as their spouse.
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Of course the relationships will never be the same, as they shouldn't. This kind of betrayal [affair] changes EVERYTHING. But it is the AFFAIR that causes the damage, not the exposure.
And yes, families do resent the WS for their affair, that is a consequence of the affair that the WS has to face. Affairs cause great pain to family members also. Which is why truly remorseful WS's apologize to the family members as well as their spouse.
MelodyLane
Of course it is the affair that causes the damage. But is doesn't mean all family members should be "damaged" by the affair. It doesn't involve mom/dad anymore than if you were to tell mom/dad over coffee the next morning details of your explicit sex the night before with spouse. SOME things in relationships/family are private and should remain as such for the well being of all involved...ALL involved. Parents DO NOT want to know this, nor do they need to.
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Guys,
I have to add my $0.50 here:
I owe my M to MB. I am a FBS who has completely embraced he program, and we are in Recovery. Thank God.
Except for one thing: Exposure. I am not for it.
I am not talking about exposing to OP'sS. I am TOTALLY for that. But, I chose not to expose to my ILs, or my F, or our friends. I just didn't want everyone we knew looking at my H as a CHEATER for the rest of his life. I felt that I would forgive him long, long before anyone else would.
I then went to IC, who agreed, saying that exposure to friends/family was only revenge, and served no useful purpose.
However, that being said, I think that this is a very difficult situation. His WW has done some pretty extreme things - moving out, carrying on openly w/OM after DDay, refusing to break it off,. So, here it is probably good to expose to her family. It appears the added pressure is needed.
The job? No way. If she were to be fired over this, the fall-out would be awful.
OK, I've donned my flame-retardant PJs. Goood night and good luck to all.
------------------------------------------
me-50-FBS FWH-44 M-20 yrs 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD-5/04-9/04 NCltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
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