I just wanted to pass this on to those of us who are struggling with this tremendous challenge of rebuilding our marriages, repairing our broken trust, and broken spirit.<p>Yesterday I had to take my son for a physical and there was a long wait. While in the waiting room, I scanned the room and noticed other couples and wondered what their relationships and marriages were like. (I seem to do this a lot now for some reason. Guess it's just like when you buy a new car you suddenly start noticing all the other cars just like it on the road??) <p>Anyway, after the waiting room cleared out a little bit, I looked up and saw that there was only me and an older couple waiting. The appeared to be in their late 60's or early 70's. They were sitting next to each other, his hand was resting on her arm. They weren't really talking very much, but I could just sense their closeness. Both of them were wearing wedding rings, so I assumed they were married. At any rate, the nurse came out and called the man in, and I was left there sitting with this woman all alone in the waiting room. I looked closely at her and saw worry in her face and her eyes. I don't know why, but I was compelled to talk to her. I moved closer to her and out of the blue, asked her how long she and her husband had been married.<p>She answered," we just had our 52nd wedding anniversary this past October." <p>I said, "Praise God! Congratulations, that is so amazing." Then I said, and this is very rare for me to do as I am very private, "my H and I have been married for almost 16 years, and this past year has been the most difficult time ever. For a while, I didn't see how we could make it through."<p>Then she said, "dear, we've had difficult times. Plenty of them in 52 years." Then she looked right into my eyes and said, (and this is the part that gives me goose bumps and I know was a message from God) "what you two are going through right now, I'm sure we have been through before. You can't be married 52 years and not go through everything a couple can go through. But we just never let go of each other. And during those hard times when it would have been easy to let go, we held on tighter."<p>We talked some more, and later, she told me her H was being seen for prostate cancer follow up. My son came out before her H, so we had to leave, but I told her that I would keep her and her H in my prayers. She told me she would keep us in her prayers too!<p>I know this was a message from God for me and for me to pass on to all of you who are rebuilding. His message, delivered by this woman, "Hold on tighter."<p>God Bless you all!<br>

LaurieC:<p>God bless you! What a great message and what a blessing to me! Even though my husband and I are not going through the "hard times" yet, I know they will come, and I will "hold on tighter!"<p>Thanks for all of your encouragement to everyone on this board. You are a gift form the Lord!<p>Love to you in Christ Jesus,<br>Singer

Laurie:<p>That's a great story! Couples who've reached their 50th anniversary must be doing something right, eh? Wouldn't it be great if there were a website where they could post their stories? It could be called: "GOLDEN RULES: How We Stayed Together For 50 Years." What a tremendous resource for engaged couples, newlyweds, and even us 'old married people' types! <p>[This message has been edited by Doug (edited 02-04-99).]

Laurie, your story brought tears to my eyes. I always thought it would be so romantic to say one day that my H and I were married 50 years or more and fully intended to reach that unless the Lord wanted one of us first. But that may not come to be, as my H seems to have no interest in returning to this family.I guess his idea of going thru hard times is not the same as mine. He is passive, and would rather run than fight. I continue to pray for him and myself whatever the Lord has planned. And I hope many if not all of you will one day look back on many years shared happily together, thru good times and bad.

Thanks so much for posting that story I needed to read it today. I am going to send it to my H too.

Laurie, thanks for sharing this message. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you again.

You guys are most welcome. I had to share what happened because it really moved me as well. I think God sent me that message because lately I have had this tremendous urge to go up to almost every older married couple that I come in contact with and ask them to give me some wisdom. Unfortunately, I do not have any elderly relatives who still have marriages intact. Some are widowed, some are divorced. The closest thing I have are my inlaws (H's parents) who have been married for 43 years, but their marriage has always been very dysfunctional (the effects of which my H unfortunately brought into ours!!! ). They never talk to each other, they physically abused their sons, and they are all conflict avoiders. So, I don't really have any other elderly couples to talk to.<p>But yesterday God put me in a comfortable and safe environment in which to reach out to one of these couples. It was the chance I had been waiting for. I'm so glad I did it, and I'm so glad the message touched some of you. It touched me too.<p>Doug,<br>Oh how I wish there was a site like that! Especially if they really spoke candidly about their experiences. I am sincerely interested in hearing insight from elderly couples who have weathered all kinds of storms, including infidelity, and have not only survived, but flourished. And guess what? They would have done it without Dr. Harley, without Plan A, Plan B, Surviving an Affair, or any of the books that are out right now. Those are the people who can teach us so much about love and life because they would have triumphed the good old fashioned way: with God leading them. <p>God Bless!<p>[This message has been edited by LaurieC (edited 02-04-99).]

Wow, that was a really nice story. Thanks for posting it. Makes you wonder how many senior citizens have gone through this. I bet lots. I guess hardly any marriages can escape this. That's sad.

I do have a very good, wise friend of 70 years, Marie. Still married , many years now.<p>She is one of the first people I went to when this happened to me. She had alluded to this problem but never, never gave me any detail. It is very painful and private to her. <p>When she was 33 her H had an affair. She confronted him and he left to live with the OW (single). She was in bed for six weeks and unable to do much of anything but she never contacted him. Then she went on a very public date to their special restaurant. She didn't like the guy, he got drunk and her heart was NOT in it at all. Her H was told by many of her activities. Two days later he was back. He had been drinking all the time with the other woman and woke up in alley one nite. He missed clean clothes and home cooked meals. He's never strayed since.<p>I think this shows several things. Her six weeks in bed gave him the time he needed to have his fun with the OW and see some reality. Her dating and appearing to have moved on was the final snap for him.<br>(Plan A because no love busting, Plan B because she moved on)<p>She also states that she has forgiven, will never forget that pain, and to this day does not trust in him. The affair changed their marriage forever. They have never been to therapy.<p>Sad, but this IS an age old story.

Laurie,<br>This was very encouraging to me and Andrew. I seldom post but read MB daily. I look for your posts because of your godly input. You have been a light to me through this dark stage in our marriage. I am thankful for you and putting Christ first in your life. It is evident in your writings. God Bless

Dear SweetP,<br>Thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad you can see my dedication to Jesus Christ in my posts because it is the most important thing to me. I think in this day of doing the PC thing, Christians are often reluctant to stand up and declare our conviction. So, I am always happy to hear if a post has touched someone or made them think. Sometimes (like HGB and Ginny) I almost feel likeI, too, do not belong on this board as I have some strong reservations and concerns about Dr. Harley's methods and concepts. But as long as there is someone I can touch, reach, console or help in whatever way, it's worth it, right?<p>God Bless you and thanks again for the encouraging words.

Laurie - I always said this happened to my H and I about 4 years ago. We were going through times no tougher than now, but we stuck together. We were both depressed and had little to give each other - but we stuck together.<p>This time, when he was depressed, he turned to others. What made the difference? I wish I knew!!

Dear Laurie<br>I am also thankful for your email address you gave me a while back. I will email you soon. Our family is on our way to Myrtle Beach for the weekend. Thanks again. God Bless.

SweetP,<br>You and Andrew be sure to have a wonderful weekend!!!! Many blesings to you!! <p>NoraP-<br>What happened this time? He screwed up big time, that's what happened!! No mystery there. Good people do make poor decisions and do bad things sometimes. We're all human and everyone makes mistakes. This time, he made a very, very big mistake. But......... I think the message from God here is that it is how we handle the aftermath that counts. Ok, mistakes and transgressions have been made..... now what? Do we run and head for the hills, or do we keep on keepin' on? For me, the message is clear, hold on tighter. Things will get better Nora. Keep the faith.<p>God Bless.

Laurie<br>Thank you for such an inspiring story. We have much to learn from our elders. If nothing else, we can learn from their mistakes. I'm glad you come to this forum, despite your qualms. You bring a ray of sunshine to dark, dreary times of our lives. You give hope to those who need it, and I for one say HOORAY for you to give to us who have and still do need it. Your wisdom has helped me before. Thank you so much!

Pooh, thank you so much for those encouraging words. How are you doing these days? I hope that you are finding your way to some peace and happiness (with God's help of course!! ). Continue to seek and find hope and encouragement anywhere that you can. <p>God Bless!

Laurie, thank you for the encouraging words. I to have put my faith in God to fix my marriage. I don't often post here but always read what is going on in others lives. You said some things in your last few posts that struck a chord in my heart. I would like to talk with you about them via e-mail. Either leave me your e-mail address here or you can give it to me via my e-mail address. Mine is <br>Lefty26@execpc.com. Thanks again and talk to you soon.

Laurie, I was about to give up, but thanks to your story I will try even harder. Almost 6 years ago I said the vows and meant them, now I pray to God to help us rebuild in this time of need.

Critmom,<br>Yes, lean on God and He will deliver His blessings unto you in your time of need. It's one of His promises, and God is faithful and fulfills His promises. Bless you!

For Wasstubborn and Whodat. <P>------------------<BR>No one said this (life) was going to be easy.<P><BR>

Laurie,<BR>My parents were also married many years,,54, when my father died 7 years ago. My mom has been lost without him and mentions every once in a while about the day when they can be together again. I have always looked upon their marriage as my goal.<BR>They married young, both 19 and had kids right away. They "held tight" (my moms words too) to each other through poverty, a draft and a war, a childs extended illness and death, a move halfway across the US away from all family, new jobs, layoffs, teenage children, retirement and cancer. When my dad was weeks away from dying, he and my mom sat in the backyard on the swing, and he told her "Honey, we have had a wonderful life together. I love you and I'd do it all over again if I could." <BR>Was their marriage perfect? No,,but they rea;lly loved one another and clung to each other tighter when times were tough. I asked my mom once about infidelity. She said she didn't know what he may have done when he was overseas but he came home to her! And, in her mind, that was enough proof for her that he loved her. She has had many uplifting and inspiring stories to help me through my difficulties (some I can't put on this forum ) but if you'd like to email,,I'll share them with you. My parents marriage was my example and my goal. My H and I are on our way after 30 years. A few setbacks,,,like ALL marriages,,but we'll make it!!

Glad this was pulled back up, I missed it the first time. It gave me goosebumps too... all the more so because my folks have been married 53 years, & my dad has been treated for prostate cancer. Could have been them!<P>When we entered the "Misery Olympics" years ago with my affair, Dunc & I visited my parents only weeks after it had started... obviously things were tense & unhappy between us (tho Dunc didn't "know"); and I mentioned privately to my parents that Dunc & I were having some "large marital problems"... their faces were sad & sympathetic (and I suspect that this was a hurdle their own marriage had endured), and my dad said: "sometimes, in a marriage, you just have to put your head down and *get through it*". In other words, hold on tight. I've never forgotten those words, and they've served both of us well.<P>Bless my parents' hearts - they probably assumed Dunc was cheating on ME, but they never pried, they never treated Dunc with anything but love and respect, they never encouraged either of us to whine or blame. The older I get, the more I realize how wise THEY are. (But one of these days, I guess I ought to set the record straight for Dunc, huh? )<P>My mom just had a heart bypass on Sept. 15th & is doing fine. Laurie, thanks for a wonderful thread. I second the notion that a "Golden" website would be wonderful. Anyone got ideas how to do it?<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

Oppssss,,sorry, double post,,I'd like to blame it on the computer or the forum,,,but I"m afraid it's ME!!!v<p>[This message has been edited by Nerlycrzy (edited September 26, 1999).]

Beautiful! 'Nuff said!<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.