Five years ago today, two of my children, my dog and I were involved in a horrible accident that totaled my car.<P>There was a full sheet of plywood in the left laid of the freeway on a Friday afternoon at near rush hour. I was moving along keeping pace with the heavy traffic at about 70mph. I could not leave my lane, so I had to take the plywood head on with no time to even break, it locked between my tires, I think and I went careening into the concrete divider and spun along it for quite a ways. I stopped looking at oncoming traffic, but off to the side. My kids were crying as was my dog, but I knew we were all right. I remember being surprised we were alive. I know this sounds corny, but I know there was a presense on the hood that left once we had stopped. No I didn't see anything, but I felt it and I thanked God over and over for sparing us.<P>An EMT unit was returning from a run on the other side of the highway, stopped and jumped over the wall. Nice people stopped, shut down the highway until police and fire trucks got there.<P>We were strapped on boards and taken to the hospital because they feared internal injuries because of the forse of the crash and the condition of the car...accordian. We were all fine....very very sore, but fine. No one could believe we escaped without serious injury, much less as little as we had. I know we were spared. The firemen took my dog to their firehouse and treated a cut on her leg, she was also fine when we picked her up.<P>My point of sharing this is I could not forget the accident and relived it for a long long time. I was so happy I took my youngest daughter home after giving birth on the one year anniversary of the accident. It gave the day a happier memory. I though I could never get in the car and not relive it. Right now I can feel myself tensing up, but it is no long a daily event, just when something triggers it.<P>OK...now my real point. Sometimes I get discouraged about the affair and wonder if I'm going to think about it every day of my life...and I don't want to. Maybe it will be like this horrible accident. Never quite forgotten, but rarely remembered, and less traumatic when remembered as time goes on.<P>Just thought I would share this.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

FHL<BR>Thank you for sharing this. <BR>You are right you know. Eventually this will be very much in the past.<BR>I think this about something I went through in 1990. I thought I would never survive that year. One day I woke up and realized it was just a bad memory that couldn't hurt me any more.

Thank you, WS<P>One other thing about that accident was that people tried to comfort me with...it wasn't your fault. It wasn't. There was not a thing I could have done to avoid it or control the outcome.<P>But I think that was exactly what made me feel more vunerable and why the memory was so traumatic. If it had been my fault, I would have thought I'll never do that again and I would have felt more in control.<P>That is like the aftermath of this affair. Although we made changes in our marriage, I just don't think our marriage had much if anything to do with the affair. I would gladly be at fault for it if I could because once again it would give me some feeling of control.<P>Again, thanks for letting me share, today.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Your right.... If I remembered each pregnancy, labor and delivery, as if it was the very day it occured..... I would NOT have 6 beautiful children....<P>I don't remember the discomfort that totals approxamatly 4 and 1/2 years when its all put together through the 6, but I sure enjoy the babies - children - young adults....<P>Soooooo, Its been 4 and 1/2 years since I started dealing with betrayal with the current OW.... Hmmmm wish I could make this a "Happily Ever After" ending....<P>cozy <<<pondering>>>

FHL<BR>Very good thoughts!<BR>Be careful though. If you say the word "control" too many times you know cl will come running!!!!<BR>All part of the thinking/analyzing thing.<BR>My experiences in '90 were very much the same. I had no control over what was happening. In the end I had to be responsible for decisions. Much like the affair and the decisions I had to make.<BR>It helps to compare it to other situations we've gone through.<BR>You my dear have done a wonderful job with everything!!!!!<BR>I still think you could send me some of that calm peaceful stuff!!!

Hi FHL -<P>What a horrible experience.....except the part of a "presence" on the hood.<P>Those moments of experiencing "presences" are truly awe-inspiring.<P>You will remember that day and you will remember all of this with H, but the memories will file themselves into the proper place and the purpose of the incident(s) itself will be seen from the "another step to self-awareness in my life" perspective. <P>Hugs,<P>Sheba <P>Happy Birthday to your daughter!!

You all were conversing while I was typing!!!!! Boy, Im slow today!!!<P>Just want to say hi to you gals also!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

This reminds me of a Bible verse that Dreamer0707 shared with me last night:<P><BR>Isaiah 41:10<BR>Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victiorious right hand.

ws is baiting me again!! Caughtcha. Let go of the control?! <BR>FHL, the memories do lessen over time. I believe part of the ability we have to forget terrible accidents is linked to the inate ability we have to know this could never happen again! With the affair issues, there is a nagging doubt. I would like to say I don't have it....but it comes up every now and again. Not often and not strong, but it may linger a few minutes. The difference now is I can feel the strength flood in as soon as I think history might repeat itself! <BR>I am so happy that you, dog, and kids are fine.