Good Morning Folks –

Let’s see…..where to start?

Last Friday I had the appointment with my attorney to review the court order. It was written by xW’s attorney, but it is supposed to be what the judge decreed in court. Then, my attorney is to review it, sign it, and send it to the judge for her final signature.

Anyway, apparently xW’s attorney felt compelled to just add a bunch of extra stuff that the judge did not say. So…my attorney and I wrote out the corrections to send back to her and asked her to make the necessary corrections and send it over again.

xW is still avoiding the real estate agent. My attorney plans to ask for a teleconference with the judge and xW’s attorney the first week of January to discuss. I’m having evil thoughts of just stopping alimony payments until she decides that BOTH of us have to follow the judges’ orders, not just me. I’m sure my attorney would not advise such a thing…but I’m really thinking about making the January payment, then nothing else until the house is listed and she is showing cooperation in trying to sell it (ie – letting potential buyers in). My agent tells me she could have already sold that house by now.

Sunday was #1S’s birthday. I had a house full of company Sunday afternoon. Both S’s, DIL’s, my parents, #1DIL’s mother. I had a ham and my mom brought veggies. I baked my very first ever CAKE (Pillsbury mix, frosting in a can). But…it was good (I think).

I hung a piñata (Spiderman) on the deck and had #1S smash it. He had a great time, it was the first time he had ever done the piñata thing. I had stuffed it with candy and all the free trinkets, bags, pens, shirts, and misc. stuff that I brought back from the convention in Orlando last month, as well as some small stuffed animals. He did indeed have a good birthday and thanked me for doing it for him when he left. It was nice for me too, but still sad to be celebrating without his Mom there.

Saturday and Sunday xW called and left me several voice mails. I’ve tried to avoid listening to them at all. In one on my company cell phone, she started telling me that she found the card I gave her for our 28th anniversary (2004). She started reading it to me and crying. I didn’t listen to the rest of the message…I just deleted it. Oh….on Friday she left a message at work saying she was off and asking if I’d like to go to lunch with her.

Monday I sent her an e-mail reiterating that all communication would be, at least for the time being, via e-mail. I also told her, again, that I would no longer be discussing any personal issues with her.

My new job is intense but I’m enjoying it so far. I’ll be doing some traveling in January to at least Dallas (I’ve never been there) and maybe some locations in the mid-west. It seems as though I’m going to need to write my own job description as no one really seems to know what it is. However, the problems that I’m tasked with addressing and fixing are very real, so I know where to start.

Speaking of new jobs…#1S is exploring going to work for a non-profit mission organization. Not to get into too much detail, they send teams of American ophthalmologists to China to perform eye surgery in one of two mobile surgical clinics that this organization operates. #1S would be the director and be responsible for coordinating activities between the governments and funding / budgetary issues. He has already met with the outgoing (retiring) director and is meeting with the Board of Directors in mid January. If he gets the job, they would move their home office here to our town.

As I said yesterday, being off Lexapro is like I’ve got a whole years’ worth of emotions in queue that are now ready to come out all at once. I had to go back and apologize to our company finance director yesterday because I had taken offense at an e-mail she sent out and I fired back a terse (and very non-Georgia like) reply to her and cc’d a bunch of other folks (including her boss). Man…I WAY overreacted!! I’ve got to guard myself against such behavior.

This morning I woke up at 4:00 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. I tried to be still because Jeb was snoring and I didn’t want to disturb him.

Oh, one more thing. I saw a notice that there is going to be an estate sale at a house about 6 blocks from me in mid-January. At the bottom of the LONG list of things to be auctioned off is a 2002 Thunderbird. I’m watching that one……

Georgia

FGG, Have a Merry Christmas and I have a feeling 2006 is going to be a much better year for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey FGG, why stop taking the Lexapro...why make things hard on you? You have reached an arbitrary deadline for yourself that has nothing to do with your emotional well-being, you are going to be dealing with the fallout from the D for the next year (at least) and a new job. Would you consider continuing the use of Lexapro for the next year? Please? After a year things wil settle for you more...right now is probably the WORST time for you to stop taking a medicine that has helped you GREATLY.

The stress and anxiety and overflowing emotions are felt in your body and in your brain...Your brain is in protection mode (something like shock) where it is falling back and punting...it is not operating at normal capacity, it is saving itself...but in so doing, it doesn't give you what you need to cope with this very emotional time. The Lexapro, like many SSRI, do not drug your brain, do not give you happiness in a chemical, but work with your own brain chemicals...it plugs up the Seratonin obsorption, so that means you have MORE of your OWN Seratonin available for use in your brain...to think things through, to help you cope. This is not a tranquilizer, a numbing drug, it offers you MORE available naturally occuring brain chemicals for you to use to help out...

PLEASE reconsider????

BTW, I take Lexapro and am likely to take it for a long time. It has helped my mood swings which I suspect are hormonal...so until I go through menopause, I'm on it for the long haul...

It has helped me control my rages, and able to talk honestly about my sadness, grief, anger, etc. Before I would get so overwhelmed I couldn't even talk about why I was angry, I was just ANGRY....

Hey FGG,

Stopped in to check on you. I agree with SHMI about the Lexapro. I haven't personally taken that one, but maybe you should consider staying on it for awhile.

I'm not surpised to hear what you're saying about FWW, it doesn't sound like she's totally accepting the reality of your divorce. I feel such compassion for her for some reason, mixed with amazement. Whew, when reality hits - it won't be pretty.

Statement of the obvious here, but now that the divorce is final the grieving process can move forward. It will be tough for awhile, but I suspect when spring comes you'll be feeling much better. Glad to hear you're protecting yourself from talking to FWW. I ended up moving to another state just to get away from the memories.

Not that everyone has to do that, but peace came quicker as a result.

Merry Christmas!!!

It is interesting that your XW is reminising and starting to feel a bit sentimental about you and your marriage. At some point one would think a light would go on and she would realize that she has, in fact, brought all this on herself and she'd get a clue as to what she would need to do to fix this....ie: get rid of all OM for good and express remorse and commitment to the restoration of your marriage.

It could still take a while for her to hit bottom. She may possess too much pride (or mental illness) to ever get there. You do not need to wait for her and you may not be willing to even if the light goes on at some future point. You may have met someone else or have moved on too far to go back.

You are a great guy and are doing the right thing by not falling for any of her manipulating e-mails or engaging in any conversation with her. No doubt, at this point, if you were to meet her for lunch you would just be subject to more of the same old, same old, blame game of hers. She would just get her fix of abusing you.

My H is working a temporary job 2 hours away. I go to visit him most weekends. He will be here for two days at Christmas. We are looking forward to that. He calls me several times a day and doing everything he needs to reassure me of his commitment to us.

My daughter and I brought our 15 yr old beloved cat to the vet to have him put to sleep last Sat. He had an awful salivary gland tumor which had matastisized. It was difficult and sad but he seemed to go peacefully.
It sounds like your son's B-day was so enjoyable.

You were pretty creative in making your son's B-day special. I wish I had that kind of creativity. We usually just take our kids (similar ages as yours) out to eat or something like that. That is exciting news about your son's potential new job.

Merry Christmas to you, Jeb, and your family.

Thank you all....

Trix - sorry to hear about your cat. I know that must be hard after 15 years.

Perhaps I should rethink the Lexapro thing. I was down to 1/2 dose for several weeks and then quit about a week or so ago.

Off to lunch (a little early), then I've got a busy afternoon.

Also, I have to go back to court for CASA tomorrow morning.

Georgia

A treat for you all !! (just kidding)

Here's some photos of #1S birthday stuff.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mb_georgiaguy/album?.dir=/7cc7

The spread of food is lunch (I always serve buffet style in my kitchen).

#1S is about to build a privacy fence around their back yard. I gave him various tools for that endeavor for his birthday. The plastic hammer on the cake is from a "Bob the Builder" book entitled "If I Had a Hammer". Inside it has directions on how to use a hammer. (i.e. - hold the hammer by the handle, remember to move your fingers before you hit the nail, etc.). I included the book, along with a new (real) hammer and other tools, inside his gift box.

Their outside dog (not the DIVA DOG) likes to dig, hence the dog with the "hole" on the birthday cake.

Georgia

Cool cake! I love your kitchen too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am very impressed by your first attempt at a cake. Even more creativity! Wow. The dog digging a hole...chocolate dirt....wow, neat.

I also like your kitchen. You have made a nice home for yourself. If your XW doesn't wake up...I just know some lovely lady is going to snatch you up...that is, when you are ready. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks f.f. & Trix....

If you look really, really closely....you can also find some hidden objects of "art" that are my creation. (Hint: the butter dish and lime cup are good places to look, as well as the napkin holder and other misc. things on the counter. Oh...the dog on the cake is something I made one night just kinda' "doodlin'").

And....there is the back end of a Mini Schnauzer hidden in one of the pictures, too!!

Georgia

you made those in your ceramics class? Yes, now I see the back end of..is that Jeb?

Well, I couldn't really get a good look at them. Maybe you should put your pottery creations alone on a table for a photo. Then we'd get a better look.

When my H and I were first together in Maine we had a wheel at home and used to belong to a crafts center where we took classes. We haven't really done much pottery since then but I still have one or two simple things I made.

I didn't think that was Jeb in the picture...I didn't think that he is so lightly colored.

Yep...that's Jeb in picture #1. Loafing around in the kitchen, seeing what might get dropped.

Great cake! and it's even more impressive if it's your first!

Perhaps the Judge will let you drop alimony until the house is sold. That might do the trick.

If not totally, then only pay 20% or something.

You won't know unless you ask.

I hope your lawyer has a hard ball speach for the judge, because I bet her lawyer will.

I have never been where you are emotionally, and I hope I never go there. I do believe you will make it through though and have a happy life though, not just survive it.

I think the job change is probably good for you, a challange can help you focus on something else while you work through your feelings the next few months.

Merry Christmas, and may this next year be a good one for you.

SS

Let me leave you all with my parting thoughts:

This has been the biggest year of change EVER in my life. It seems like I've lived a whole life time in the last 12 months.

The new year will be a year of new beginnings (Phoenix?)for me. There are others here who have already traveled down the road I'm on and they understand well what I've been through.

There are, unfortunately, some here who will have 2006 as their year of turmoil. I hurt for them.

And...there will be more success stories (like Blondblossom, Mimi, others) whose names we are yet to know.

But....I would be sorely remiss if I didn't thank ALL of you for standing by me through this mess. I am amazed that we are a diverse group:

young / not so young
conservative / liberal
Christian / atheist
Pro-life / pro-choice
whatever....

But, we've all CHOSEN to come together at a common point for a common purpose, and we've (most of the time, at least) not allowed our differences to override our empathy and desire to see one another through what has to surely be life's greatest tragedy, the treacherous, traitorous, and shameful behavior of a Wayward and Unfaithful Spouse (hereafter known as a "WUS" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />). This after standing before God and man and committing their lives to us.

I hope that in some small way I have at least demonstrated that a new life can be accomplished, and it can be fulfilling, without our WS's in tow if that is the way it must be. Not to minimize the pain (which is indescribable at times).

Thank you all for being there for me and caring about me ....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Georgia & Jeb.

(A NEW MAN, AN OLD HOUSE, AND THE DOG WHO LOVES THEM BOTH)

Oh my, Georgia!

What a wonderful post!!

And now you are going to add WRITER to your list of gifts?

WHO ARE YOU REALLY?

ARE YOU SUPERMAN??


OH, MY GOODNESS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ah yes,a writer too...yes in deed.

LOL - thanks Mimi & Trix....

Edited to say....I'm going home and sit by my pond...

Georgia

(okay, I'm got my humility jacket back on....)