I've been lurking on this board for quite a while, now I find I need some advice.

Long story short: Me WW 46, DH 47, two SS 10 & 12. Been together for 7 years, married for (a rocky) 3.5 years. I had a one month internet affair (no physical contact) with an ex lover. I stopped all contact with him. The affair was a symptom of a 7 year problem. I have always been last on my husbands list.

When the boys are at our house it is disney land. It's all fun and cames and no responsibilities. They are NEVER disciplined. It's not that they are bad kids. But they have become self indulgent, lazy, and selfish. I blame the parents (my husband suffers from guilt)not the kids.

When the kids are at our house, I cease to exist. So I keep to myself and read or watch TV and do not interact with the three of them very much.

We had a big blow up on Easter. It was our turn to have Easter at our house for my family. I had a really hard week at work and was already exhausted. Everyone knew things had to be done to prepare but my husband and ss's did not lift a finger until noon on Sunday and guests were arriving at 2PM. That included the three of them taking showers.

The blow up continues on Monday when my husband gets back from taking the boys home. I had found receipts from the liquor store......he has been buying and secretly drinking ALOT. I mean one of those large bottles of Myers Rum with a handle, I think they are a litre? He went thru one in less than a week and that is in addition to beer....lots and lots of beer. Of course he blamed it on me and my affair. Things get nasty and I called his kids lazy and stupid. Pretty mean, I know. But this is what my husband says to me:

"Why don't you put everyone out of their misery and commit sucicide? Oh, but wait to make sure you have life insurance in order" He said it over and over and each time he said it I slapped him......I was crying and in disbelief........when I was 16 my 18 year old brother committed suicide. When I asked him how he could say that to me knowing this he said that maybe he killed himself because of me.

In my almost 47 years on this planet no one has ever even come close to saying anything this awful to me. When I think of it I start to cry again.........how could he? And how can I ever forgive him? This may be the last straw....I don't know who this man is anymore..........

He's hurt. An affair will do that to a person...Although, "Why don't you put everyone out of their misery and commit suicide?" is real bad.

The fallout of an affair whether emotional or physical will make any partner do and say things you would never think they would say, but that does in any way, shape or form justify the cruelty of it. I know where your coming from been there done that. I don't know exactly what advice you are needing?? If you are asking whether or not you should stay in this marriage? You will have to make that decision for yourself and do what is best for you. I relate when you say he is drinking and he blames you for it. My STBX tells me the same thing, you know you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't change it. Only he can decide that for himself. I do suggest you get the book Love must be tough because it does give you some insight on tough love.