We're having lunch today. Face 2 Face is a good thing.

Heheheh.... does SHE know that? :P

DL
why not just call her. You are fully aware of your weaknesses so why not just tAKE THINGS SLOWLY.
Dont jump into anythng and ENJOY it for a change.
Slow & careful is not unattractive you know.

Anyway even just gaining a friendship is a positive thing right?

Couselor, hehehe, indeed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

We'll have our convo in person b/c she wants a face 2 face and talking on the phone at work is problematic for her. Sure friend ship is great, it's the foundation of all great relationships. I value that most of all I hate it when folks use the term 'just friends' as if it is a lesser calling. Only a friend can have the patience commitment--and courage to work through the caveats of partnerships...

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I hope you DO get to talk, even if it's only on the phone. As Aussie said, ain't nuthin wrong with slow....

DL -

You know, if your intuition is holding you back, there's probably a really good reason for it. Listen to it. Sure, be open and honest and all that jazz. But follow what your intuition tells you.

Hi dleigh,

Just checking up on you. How did your weekend go? Any closure with your lady?

The last few days have been intense. I did meet with my new lady friend the other day. In fact, we spent half a day talking, and clearing. I let her know three basis things 1) I DO care for her 2) I’m still grieving/healing and 3) I’m overburdened with rebuilding my life to feel able to pursue her (or anyone) in the way they deserve. In short I told her if she wants to be with me now, she’ll have to be my friend and even then, it’ll be a rocky ride. I made it plain that I didn’t wasn’t even in the place where I felt physical desire, even though I’m attracted to her (I’m too depressed) and that I don’t know when I’ll be that kind of emotionally available.

She, to her credit, took it in (her coaching background probably helped) and said that she wants to be in my life. She’d want to be my partner build a family with me, etc. She sees that I’m not in that place so she’ll do one better—she’ll be my unconditional friend. She says has to cut off the physical desire thing (I that possible) and the romantic feelings (ditto) but she can do it. That’s a choice she must make. I don’t think I could have benn more honest.

Right now I have a new job to find and a head to clear. I’m still so anxious and angry that I’m in this place because someone else (xW) decides to checkout on the family and life she built with me. I have to deal with the feeling that she jumped off the cliff, but I’m having the hard, hard landing.

Suspicions confirmed.

Am I the only person that suspected that Counselor1 was the person you were dating? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Susan:

Your post reads very differently on my email w/o the gremlins. You almost gave me a heart attack! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> However having been raised by nurses, been married to a doctor and having been involved of late with a psychologist and a coach…you may be on to something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

This is no big surprise .... this was very obvious from the start that Counselor1 was zero-ing in on one particular poster ... why not simply state your intention and be up front?

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Susan, Pep:

I don't think so, though I might have early on.

-ol' 2long

Now that would be complicated and... a little strange. Sometime I wonder if anyone I know personally does lurk here. One thing's for sure, my xW isn't one of them. This site would disintergrate her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It sure makes lots of sense that counselor1 could be one in the same.

That would fit since she was advising your moving toward relationship a bit prematurely...IMO. I thought that odd for a counselor.

I would find that very dishonest if it is her, and another red flag. Manipulating game playing. Did you tell her about the MB forum? Does she know your moniker?

I don't think it likely that you would be able to sustain maintaining 'just a friendship' with this woman especially since the attraction exists on both sides.

This site would disintergrate her.

dlc, that's what you think.

WS have a perspective that's so different from ours, they seem able to take this stuff in and get a totally different message from it.

I thought for sure counselor1 was your female friend!

C1, SHOW YOURSELF! Haw haw.

Not to get too personal, dlc (wait, what am I talking about?), but what you said about a lack of sexual desire surprises me. Are you sure this isn't a side effect of your meds?

GC

I did not tell her about the forum, nor did I share any info. I told her I've been a part of a grwat support group of similarly experienced people. You are corrrect that if C1 was my my lady friend, it would be the apex (or nadir if you like) of manipulation. Frankly, I found C1's perspective both challenging and refreshing (reminds me of my IC).

No, my state of desire is a function of my present state of mind. I've been off meds for a month now. Even with the triggers, I haven't felt as bad as when I started them last year, but when I'm having a rough emotional time, the last thing I want is SF. That seems to surprise folks, including my IC and lady friend. (Yes ladies, guys can focus on more than SF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />)

Well, I am certainly amused y’all have found such colorful things to assume about me than what is actually going on. I said in an earlier thread that I was here as a regular human being and my being a counselor was an extension of who I am, not the other way around. So, counselor hat off:

I find it interesting, Susan, that you would inquire and accuse about some supposed undercover motive, while you started a new entire thread altogether, not being upfront about YOUR undercover motive of confirming some self-generated suspicion. Who’s the underhanded one here?

I will say again, I’m 36, married with kids. I live in Boston with my family and came to Florida for vacation. So, Dleigh, if you’re dating a 36 year old woman who herself has a husband and children and lives in Boston, then we need to talk <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I’ve offered my two cents to several people, not just Dleigh, (Squiggle, 2long, etc.) and it’s a shame (albeit understandable, given that we’re talking to and about betrayed people) that someone’s contribution is invalidated or downplayed because some mistrusting person is looking for the other shoe to drop.

I do, however, have a friend who is dating someone similar to Dleigh, and hearing your perspective on things has helped me be a better friend to her. So again, the blessings abound.

Thank you Susan, for bringing this up and getting a chuckle out of me before heading back home. I hope to continue to contribute my two cents to other MB’ers, although not as often as this past work-free week.

Hi, counselor1.

My curiosity was peaked with your email address - yourbestlife@bellsouth.net

I was unaware that BellSouth offered service in Boston.

It may be that there is a logical explanation, but that caught my attention, as well as a number of other things.

I certainly hope that you are not playing at anything with DL, he certainly deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and kindness.

Gimble

My lady in question? 29 y/o, divorced life coach born in Latin America but raised in...you guessed it...Boston! Came here to Fl to attend...you'll love this...UM! (two degrees there).

Maybe our commonalities are what allows our dialogues to be fruitful. This community has more in common than betrayal. "All truths are parallel", as they say. I for one, am thankful for the common threads (no pun intended) we ALL share. Conselor1, you're A-OK with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

p.s. what'd you think of my pow wow with lady friend?