[color:"purple"] [/color] I was wondering how many people out there have actually told OP they loved them when deep down they knew what they were saying was a lie? (More like infatuation, etc.) And if so, what were the reasons? Just curious. And did you also love OP and BS at the same time?

Yup, I told the OP I loved him. I thought I did.

I thought I couldn't stand my H. at the time! Far from the truth now.

And OP told me that he loved me. I'm sure he did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> coz anyone that knows me loves me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Susan

I'm not sure I'm in a place where I should be giving my two cents (I have my own post going) but I have told the OW I love her and really believe I do. The hard part is I don't think I love my wife. As horrible as it sounds what does it mean when you could care less whether you see them again. When you look forward to them leaving and dreading when they come home. When you would just as soon be single and come home to no one. These are the emotions I'm battling as I'm trying to gain enough courage to pull the plug on the OW and make a go of it with my wife. Even though you didn't feel you really loved the OM did you always feel you still loved your BS??

Well, believe it or not...I had those same emotions. Even to the point, ugh, I hate to admit this, but I sometimes just wished he would die. I thought it would make things so much easier.

But, now, I CANNOT wait for him to get home from work every day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So...those feeling CAN and will pass!

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] ?courage ??? Try integrity .... your current dilemma is a direct result of your lack of integrity.

If you want out of this miserable mess ... be openly honest with OW's husband and your own wife ... see where the cards fall when you make the decision to life by your integrity.

Why not tell OW's husband? Why not tell your very own wife?

Living a lie is not a loving act. If you love a woman, you do not ask her to dismember her own integrity in order to be with you.

I think enough of you to say this .... I trust that you want to do the right thing.

It's not courage, it is integrity you lack.

Do it.

Confess to both betrayed spouses ... it will be your first step toward living an authentic life.

Pep [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

This is right on target.

I paid a counselor trying to "get that courage"...but I really just had to make the decision to do what I knew was right. (The counseling WAS helpful, only after I took a stand for my marriage.)

I had to be able to respect myself for my choices at the end of the day.

Susan

Thank you Susan and Pepperband. Susan what you said is a real encouragement. I so hope we can get back there like you did. Pepperband and Susan you are right it is not courage it is integrity. Thanks for the reality check...
So instead of being scared (lack of courage) I guess I just don't have alot of integrity.....I know that, If I had integrity I would not have alowed myself to get here in the first place I suppose. It is a matter of doing what is right. What is right is obvious. It will happen and I know sooner is better than later. Thank you.

Dear One,

I am a huge advocate of dealing in the pragmatic reality of life ... what is and not make believe .

If your love for married woman ... also known as another man's wife ... is going to be anything but a fantasy ... your must open yourselves up to the scrutiny of the world.

Life is short.
If you cannot stand the company of the woman to whom you have pledged your devotion and love ... it is far FAR kinder to set this woman free.

It is humiliating beyond comprehention to wake up an old woman and have the realization that ... the man to whom she has been so long yoked ... cannot stand the sight of her ! I am certain she would rather know this than not know this ... thereby having the advantage of either chosing this or rejecting this (your distain) as her life.

Integrity stands up no matter what the world thinks and proclaims it's self to be a truth.

If you reall really love other man's wife .... then you live accordingly, and stop skulking in the shadows like some criminal.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />