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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
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Finally had our "big" talk after wife asked about coming home last Thurs and her subsequent backing off. I found out from d that w had not cancelled appointment with couselor as she said she would do so we could all go to counseling together. W said she doesn't like my counselor and that counselor took my side so she won't be going back there. At least my d will be going somewhere.<BR>W said she want's to be absolute about why she would come back, but she is still living with om, hows that going to work ? What am I just supposed to wait around till she tires of om and maybe she will look my way ? She has already chosen him over me and children 5 times ! Thats 5 times she could have come home !<BR>At this point I'm ready to go file. I said I wouldn't but I don't see the use. I don't have the same feelings for her and she has none for me. I still don't think she wants the full time responsibility of children.<BR>I asked her what she was doing was doing with our son when she and daughter are at counselors tommorrow and she had no idea. She thought I would be home, she forgets I do work, even though that been a struggle lately. So now I'm trying to find someone to watch him tommorrow morning, she said he could wait in the waiting room, that would be fun for him !<BR>I truly don't know what to do, part of me says file and get it over with , part of me says wait, there are cracks in her armor. But she seems desparate to find happiness with this guy and repairs the cracks as fast as she can.

Joined: May 1999
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Hi RWD -<P>I'm sorry you're hurting!!!<P>A big HUG and Strength to you.<P>Now, please go back and read your "She wants to come home" and your "Backtracking Again" threads.<P>Reread the replies of encouragement and caution about the flipflopping of her emotions. These will give you strength and help you understand things.<P>Remember, RWD - TIME!!!!! Don't let her waffling emotions control yours!!!!<P>You can only decide what you can be doing for yourself and the kids. This should not be based on what SHE is doing or feeling at the moment.<P>She is still in the fantasy. You are in the reality.....two different worlds.<P>Keep your feet as firmly planted on the ground as you can. Keep working on you!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Joined: Jun 1999
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RWD Offline OP
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Thanks Sheba for the encouragement. I guess I'm past the hurting stage now. I wasn't hurt too bad by this because I didn't really believe her in the first place. Now I feel she is just looking at options. Right now I don't care if she comes home or stays away, i tired of her flip flopping on everything. <BR>As you said all I care about is the kids. I want them to be brought up in a happy stable home. I'm not sure they can have that now if she does come home, there is so much work to do and I'm not sure if both of us are up to it. But i also don't want my kids to have a step father. I started to read a book on children of divorce and couldn't get thru the intro because they started talking about step fathers and it broke my heart.

Joined: Jul 1999
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That must be a common sentiment, about step fathers. My H is very upset with the idea of it, yet it was not enough to motivate him to keep us together. He never really woke up to the reality of it till i threatened to leave him. <BR>What book are you reading? I need all the kicks in the pants i can get right now to keep me wanting to try to stay together....<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

Joined: Apr 1999
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She's still jerking you around. All of these silly excuses: doesen't like the counselor, want's to be absolute. She's putting you off because you're letting he get away with it. Her time is not the right time. If you are worried about the children and them ending up with the OM, file first to gain custody.Most states will take how she is living into consideration.<BR>RWD, you need to decide what is right for you and your kids and take steps to protect what is left of your family. Sometimes, when they see you getting on with life filing for divorce and taking steps to exclude them, They come running back pounding on the door to get back in. It worked for me....


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