We'll see what happens, Sabot.

Unfortunately, you might need to do PLAN B.

With his foggy brain, he seems to want to hold onto the both of you as long as he can.

You want your H back, not a FOGGY ALIEN!

Hi Mimi, I am on pg. 39 of your thread and still reading!
I have a question for you...When WH stops contact with OW does it tend to make them distant?
Its seems odd how his mood swings from one day to the next!
Is it "by the book" with WH's to be all attentive and lovey, dovey towards the BS while in contact with the OW (cakewalking)and when contact stops WH's become withdrawn?
I did ask him if he was okay more than once last night and he said yes he was okay. I dont know how else to drag how he is feeling out of him.
My other question is in reading all these posts, people say how important "exposing" is. OW is divorced and WH has met her mother (does not know he is married) and I have her address. Should I expose this to anyone on OW's side?

When contact stops, WSes go through WITHDRAWAL. That looks like depression, longing for her, needing a fix.

I don't think you need to focus on "dragging feelings out of him".

What has he done about the NC LETTER and stopping the E-MAILS?

The problem with the cake-eating stage is how you can be enabling the A. That's what I think I did. My H got even more comfortable with her because he knew he had me too. He confesses now to wanting to keep up the cake-eating as long as possible. It feels wonderful to have two women meeting all your needs.

I'm not sure what you're asking. During the early stages of withdrawal, he should feel awful and he is vulnerable to resuming contact. Your job is to spend fun time with him and to spend almost all available free time with him. Your job is not to talk about feelings or R. Look at videos, go for walks,etc.

When there is any contact with her at all, withdrawal has to start all over again....

It just seems like he is in NC because he is not so happy acting towards me (sucking up) is what I call it. I know its an oxy-moron but I got more attention when he was feeling guilty I suppose.

What about my exposure question?????

What about the NC letter and blocking E-MAILS then we can talk about whether he is in withdrawal. I wouldn't expect him to be happy for 3 to 6 months after all contact has stopped. He will be highly vulnerable to resuming contact. Minimal R talk. Mainly spending fun time with him.

Oops. I forgot. I would think any EXPOSURE is helpful. Can't hurt.

YELLING OUT TO YOU!!!

Come on out so we can talk. I saw your great post on the other thread. What's going on?

Hi Mimi, your so sweet to check on me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Usually I dont post because I feel like I must be a failure so how can I give advice. Although I can help comfort.
My status seems to be at a lull right now. Nothing major to report, I have not pushed the issue of another NC letter mainly because it would seem like an afterthought to start their contact again! As it looks they are in NC mode! Last night he was in a better mood, told his boss he was taking the next 2 weeks off, had dinner made for me when I got home. Was attentive and affectionate. But it is early so we will see. Yesterday I had a male customer (business man) that pretty much acosted me (touched my butt) and was telling me I was a beautiful woman and he could not stop staring at me! Of course I asked him to leave and on his way out he stated "I will be back, you will get to know me!" Told WH about it and his reply was "I just cant let you out in public, everybody wants you" it was said in a teasing manner, and he also wanted me to call him before I left work! When I got home he told me he was sorry I had a bad day and asked me if I told that man that I already had one Bser at home that I didnt need another one!
This morning he appeared happy and we were joking because he brings me my coffee every morning in bed and he said, last cup of coffee for 2 wks, I dont have to get up early. I said well we better find a replacement for your duty during that time. He said, oh no theres no replacement for me! I gave him some of his own medicine and said "But honey, you do want me to be HAPPY dont you???" I only hope that we can get thru the next 2 wks ok. He tends to get bored when hes by himself and I have to work!

Itwould be PERFECT if you could take some time off of work! Could you squeeze in any time at all?

Hi Mimi, yes taking some time off would prob. be a good thing right now, but unfortunately am not able to do so!
I finished reading your thread and it did give me some insight as to the affects of Plan B. I am one of those who is truly panic stricken when it comes to that thought.
Had not had a chance to look at my spy logs on home computer until this morning and WH was home yesterday so he must of gotten bored...he logged into his "affair" email acct. and guess who now has the acct and password! I was so hurt by this action! But am feeling conflicted because the emails show to be unread, unless he marked them to be unread, but dont know why he would do that? Also, he did not email or send her anything! Seems strange to me...was he just looking for an email from her?? What I am conflicted about is that he promised to tell me about her emails due to being in NC mode but he hasnt, why because he hasnt read them??? I am not good with secrets and I want soo bad to confront him, but if I do, it will tell him I have spyware and then he will just get a new email acct. if he wants to do it, I cannot stop him or the she devil! Her email on the 18th was pretty ugly and full of LB's, but then on the 21st she is tempting him to come meet her for a weekend soon! Then says HA HA. I know better, but couldnt resist asking...since I only got these coupons from the time I spent there with you! Wonderful memories. Take care and have a great day!
God Mimi, this makes me sick! And I dont know how you ever dealt with your H living with the OW!! You must be a saint.
WH just called me stating he was bored, said he was ready to go back to work, I told him to try and just relax and asked him if how he was feeling, he says he's making it, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him, he said I told you the other night I had a panic attack when I came out of the store and thought I saw OW's car and it made you cry, I guess I shouldnt tell you that! I told him that it made me cry but I got over it and was better to be honest with me about your feelings and give me the respect to react to the truth how I need to! I reminded him that WE are in this together and that he would do it for me!
He said well its been a couple of weeks and I havent talked to her. Then he asked me if I had seen the customer who was trying to pick me up last week, and I told him NO, that I would tell him because I dont have any secrets from him and said just like you anymore right? He said yes baby.
It seems he is unsettled and bored! I hope he is not lying to me again!
Mimi, if you want I will share the other email with you and you can tell me what it says to you, just let me know!
I hope all is still good with you and H.

Sabot:

Let me be sure that I have this right. Did he have to give her this E-Mail address in order for her to E-Mail him? When did he give her the address?

I would continue to watch this if I were you. DON'T CONFRONT HIM about this. See if he E-Mails her back or if she E-Mails him back. Why would he log into the account and not read the E-Mails? Like you have indicated, he is probably initially being careful to see if you are onto him.

He is really vulnerable right now.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEW NC LETTER?? That would ease your anxiety some.That's a reasonable thing to ask him about rather than confronting him about the E-Mail account. Can she reach him on a cellphone?

Try not to do the R talk or ask him how he is feeling. He should be feeling awful, going through withdrawal. Isn't there some stuff around the house that he could be doing? Do you need his help with anything? Keep him busy, helping you, doing HUSBAND activities. YOU NEED HIM!!! YOU NEED YOUR HUSBAND!!!!

Let me be sure that I have this right. Did he have to give her this E-Mail address in order for her to E-Mail him? When did he give her the address?

This must be an old email acct that she made for him, because she has the password, and get this its sickenly named "just4afix" and the password is OW's name!!!! gag!

I would continue to watch this if I were you. DON'T CONFRONT HIM about this. See if he E-Mails her back or if she E-Mails him back. Why would he log into the account and not read the E-Mails? Like you have indicated, he is probably initially being careful to see if you are onto him.

Or marked them unread because one email from 4/05/05 from OW from same acct to his work email says "I was just checking to see if you are reading your emails, and much to my surprise you are not, so I deleted them and I will not be emailing you anymore! What a lying s...! So he might be playing a game with her also!!
Seems she wont give up!

He is really vulnerable right now.

I know this. Just dont know what to do about it.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEW NC LETTER?? That would ease your anxiety some.That's a reasonable thing to ask him about rather than confronting him about the E-Mail account. Can she reach him on a cellphone?

Again, we have done the NC letter before! Didnt matter!
Yes, she can reach him on work cell phone and work phone!
He says he cannot change these!!

Try not to do the R talk or ask him how he is feeling. He should be feeling awful, going through withdrawal. Isn't there some stuff around the house that he could be doing? Do you need his help with anything? Keep him busy, helping you, doing HUSBAND activities. YOU NEED HIM!!! YOU NEED YOUR HUSBAND!!!! [/quote] [color:"purple"] [/color]

Then how do I help him to feel safe enough to be honest with me?? If I dont ask him and we dont talk about it?? I dont ask everyday but if I dont ask he wont tell me anything!!
Mimi, I am soooo tired of this madness and tired of living with and doing things for a man that doesnt love me!!

It's just not time yet, SABOT. He's going through withdrawal for 3 to 6 months remember. This is not going to be a fast process. I'm 2 years out and still recovering.

Hang in there and remain watchful. This is to prevent another FALSE RECOVERY.

Take a few deep breaths and HAVE FUN NO MATTER WHAT!!!

I just started following your thread, but here's my thoughts.

If he's waffled in the past about blocking her emails, then ask him to delete his email account...in front of you. He can create a new one, and share it with the people he's SUPPOSED to share it with. Ask him for logins and passwords to ALL of his email accounts.

She can't email him if she doesn't know his address. That puts the onus back on HIM...and again, make it very clear to him that it is on HIM. This is how you take all the responsibility from her and give it to HIM.

Have you talked about WHAT it was he was getting from her that he should be getting from you? What EN's she met, and how you can start to meet them?

Hope this gives you some ideas on how to move forward friend.

Thanks for your response Owl!
We went this route! He deleted his "affair" email accts., sent NC letter, and blocked her from his work email (he says he cannot delete his work email as he is a dept. head and it is listed as public contact info.) So I said to Block her emails! He said he did but then upon last confrontation, admitted to unblocking! SHE keeps making up new email accts for him!!!!! So it doesnt matter if he deletes them and gives me passwords!! The only reason I know what I know now is because of lets just say technology! He does not know I know that #1 she is still emailing his work, and #2 "They" share another acct.
Yes, I have asked him what EN's she meets for him that I dont? His only response is "you have done everything right and I could not ask for anything more" and also said "You are better than I am for being so understanding!" You see Owl, this isnt about EN's because I am a beautiful, sexy, passionate woman and have always been with my WH. He has had this track record before with exwife and girlfriends, I am now learning!
He just got another email from OW today, read it, and deleted it... she will not stop, and I asked him if he had heard from her because we were talking about honesty. He said No. I will check the time, it may have been after we talked. I hope so because I just cant take the lies anymore. He has not responded. Your thoughts now?

Mimi, how do I deal with her continueing to send him these love emails and him reading them when he states he has blocked her and is lying to me?????
I want to think positive and say, at least he is not responding...but that doesnt take away that he is not telling me!!!
I am just about ready to give up on this crap and pack MY bags!!
Now I have to go home and act "lovingly" towards a liar!!