I think that one of the basic issues here is that I have not read the post. So when, for example, you say: "Suggesting to others how they should post and lecturing them on their posting styles is controlling behavior." I read that, and 'others' to me, means a general, non-specific others. To you, 'others' refers to a specific group of people who you feel were publicly disrespected.

Here too, top rope, "I tend to think that statements such as the one you just quoted by JM.....are basically telling others (that he DOES NOT agree with, mind you)......"what" THE problem is (In his opinion) ....and what THEY should do to correct it."

Same thing. I had no idea who 'they' where until this turned into a flame war. I understand why some people might have been offended by some of the posts on this thread, but for me the discussion was never ever about Jimmy, or Mel, or anyone... it's about the principles involved.

I still haven't read the post that sparked this. I don't know who said what in what context. Jimmy didn't name names in his original post, so to me, AT THAT TIME it was a generalized statement that he was making, not a deliberate jab at specific people.

My arguments, throughout this thread, have been based on that perception. Yours have been based on another. Hence our agreement in principle, but not in practice.

Communication is a wonderful thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for equating Jimmy with Jesus, well, that certainly wasn't my intent. I was actually trying to point out the similarity in our reactions. I guess I could've picked a better example. Sorry to have offended.


I see why it would seem that way.

But remember, I haven't read the original post. My posting and position is based on the things I quoted in my last post. These are issues that have been raised repeatedly here on MB.

I feel very strongly about them because 6 years ago I came to MB as a wayward.

I was welcomed wholeheartedly and made to feel cared about by the people that were posting here. It was a caring environment. Somehow, over the years, that has changed and while I don't start preachy threads on this subject, I certainly won't back down from a discussion in progress. I am not a behaviour cop, but certainly have a right to express my opinions.

Especially if I can do it in a way that is respectful.

John

I wasn’t around yesterday but after I’ve catch up on the thread this morning, I was deeply saddened and disappointed to see how this thread turned out... However, I’m glad to see the moderators stepped in…

Blessed TIME, I hope you are still lurking and will see this message… I want to say, I for one, also enjoyed your posts and I’m also disappointing to see you being treated this way by ‘veterans’. Please remember, ALL people make mistakes and NO ONE is perfect, and therefore NO ONE in this world have the right to point fingers to you and keep your past mistakes against you…especially not if you have acknowledged that you were wrong, seek forgiveness for it from the person you’ve hurt with your words, learned from your mistakes and improved & better yourself as a result thereof... And Blessed Time, the fact is, you have take all the necessary steps above. If people still want to keep those things against you and dig up things from the past which is not relevant anymore, it’s their problem, not yours… I hope you will stay and keep contributing to these boards. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Blessings,
Suzet

Suzet
If people still want to keep those things against you and dig up things from the past which is not relevant anymore, it’s their problem, not yours

Do you REALLY not see why BTs vicious post to me was relevent when she was lecturing posters on how to post nicely ? Do you not see her hypocrisy ?

Bob, I specifically went back and reread that quote. And yep, you were right, that post crossed the line.

However, a) that was one post, a year ago.
And b) BT has apologized.

It may be relevent, but I certainly don't believe that it justifies the treatment dealt out to BlessedTime. She's here, participating in a (somewhat haggard) discussion and bringing up good points and has been flamed right off the boards.

You may have had a point in quoting her post, but it was a stale point, and the way BT has been treated overshadows and drowns any point you were trying to make.

I'm seeing astounding levels of hypocracy. BT's post is a very very small example. Nearly insignificant when compared to the other overwhelming, blatant hypocricies that fill this thread.

dewt

Bob, I see BT’s past post to you not as relevant anymore since she has acknowledged her mistake and seek your forgiveness long ago… And since she has learned from her mistake and the hurt she has caused you, I don’t see her posts on this thread has hypocritical… The fact that BT had made mistakes in the past don’t meant that she can’t point out that same behavior in others if she recognize it now… If she would still post vicious & insensitive posts to members and not practice what she preach then yes, I would view it as hypocrisy…but this is clearly not the case with her here.

To make my point clearer to you: The fact that I’m a FWW doesn’t mean that I can’t point out infidelity/betraying behavior in other WS’s now… I’m also not a hypocrite if I recognize and preach/lecture about such behavior now. It would be hypocritical if I would still continue betraying my H and preach/lecture to others about infidelity at the same time…

Can you see what I mean?

BT has persistently attacked me on these boards, the only reason I couldn't repost THOSE is because they violated site terms and conditions so were deleted. Most recent one was a few weeks ago.

Whatever lesson she learned from her "mistake" evidently did not lead to her stopping personal attacks on me.

If BT had said 'treat posters nicely except Bob because I have taken an active dislike to him" that would have been fine, but to coo about niceness to posters when she has repeatedly attacked me on the boards is hypocrasy IMO.

Bob, I wasn’t aware of this and I’m sorry to hear this… I understand your feelings now... I really thought it was over a long time ago… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Suzet

I wasn't aware of it either. I too have a better understanding of your feelings.

And please understand Bob, I'm not defending nor attacking anyone in particular, just the concepts.

I do understand your feelings, and wanna use them to further illustrate my point... using a disrespectful judgement to convey a message is not only ineffective but often enough will have the opposite effect of what you're looking for.

Also, in light of the above, using DJ will eventually come back and bite ya in the....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

John

I guess it helps to practice what you preach, huh? Bob, I know you aren't looking for sympathy, but I am so terribly sorry that you had to endure that abuse from her. My blood boils just remembering the mindless attacks you endured at the most despairing moments of your crisis. It's a testament to your strength that you didn't leave and a shame on her.

Mel

I've endured a lot worse, and the recent attacks were easily repelled. Its no big deal, except that BT offered herself up as some bucolic gardenin' "grammaw" when in truth she was either THAT ( Blessed Time) OR an unapologetic infidel (Sarie) and in any case an unrestrained deliberately hurtful poster ( my sit).

It reinforces teh wider topic nicely IMO.

To deliberately and knowing say sonmething that can only hurt is a bad thing to do particularly when posters here may be very low.

But to WITHOLD strong words when strong words are due is not a kindness. YOU know you ( and others) kicked my [censored] back in the day Mel and I was no fan at teh time, but I did what was needed.

Somedays you have to turn the other cheek and some days you have to physically THROW the moneylenders out of the temple.

If its done with love and is appropriate I see no problem with giving or receiving firm words. And the only peron who can judge appropriateness is the receiver of the words.

I would die in a heartbeat to defend my kids but that doesn't spare them firm correcting words from me if they are needed.