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My young son informed me that his mother, my WW, was coming to town to see him today. So I broke Plan B and called her to tell her that she could not stay at my house, her former home. Just when the wound starts to heal a little bit she picks off the scab. She said she knew that staying here was off limits. I am ready to move on with my life. I don't deserve this. I hate the chaos she brings with her. I don't love her anymore. My love bank is empty.
D-Day 5-22-04
BS(me) 52
WS 49
Divorced 7-26-06
3 adult children (28, 25 &18)
5 year A
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I know exactly how you feel. But this wasn't too bad of a fall off the Plan B wagon. You are just enforcing your boundaries. Hang in there.
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Hi hinc,
I think maybe you picked your own scab off by contacting the WW.I remember how bad I was in times like this myself,when I was in a Plan B and my WH contacted me in a sneaky way and it took me days to recover.
Just get back into that dark place and take care of yourself.No more initiations from you.It does get better.I am almost D'd and I feel so incredibly free.Whether or not you recover your own marriage,you will get a strength that you didn't know was possible.Give it more time.Hang in there.
O
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
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~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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Octobergirl, maybe I did pick my own scab off but I didn't want her here. I made the mistake of inviting her home for T'giving and Christmas and I damn sure wasn't going to make the same mistake again.
D-Day 5-22-04
BS(me) 52
WS 49
Divorced 7-26-06
3 adult children (28, 25 &18)
5 year A
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Hi, I know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.I remember talking to you,with other's,about whether or not to invite her.I said not to.Do you have a mediator in place for future messages instead of you having to feel like contacting her? When I was in Plan B it really upset me just to even e-mail my WH.I stopped altogether because there was no one who could do it for me.Eventually,I was able to cope better with very infrequent e-mails but that took a long time to adjust. O
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
---------------
~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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I totally understand why you don't want contact with your WW but if you are absolutely sure that your LB is totally empty and that there is no more desire on your part to save/rebuild the marriage, then please consider writting her a letter explaining that you no longer want the marriage but that you still do NOT want any contact with her. This will serve her notice that her time is up and that she better prepare herself to be served with divorce papers in the near future.
TMCM
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Are you sure a part of you didn't want to hear her voice? Just because she was coming to town didn't mean that she planned to come over...
Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are finished in order to protect ourselves from further hurt.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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HINC, I am in agreement. Reinforcing your boundaries is not really braking plan B. Since you cannot legally file until Sept(if my memory serves me), there is nothing to do but move on with your life, keep your handicap low <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, and be as good a father as you can to your adult children. You are doing fine. So hang in there. God Bless, JL
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Thank you JL and Mimi and all the others that replied. JL, your memory is pretty good. I can't file until Septemeber so I will bide my time. I am trying my best to be a good father to my children. I speak with them often. She says she was just coming to see young son but I know better. The consequences of actions are hitting her hard now. I can't and won't lessen her burden. This was all her choice. I have grown so much in the last year since D-Day. I am not going back there. It is way to painful. I was doing really good for the last 10 weeks when there was absolutely no contact. But the contact seems to have un-nerved me. I am an enginner by training and my info comes from facts and what I observe not my emotions. So this roller coaster, I don't like roller coasters anyway, has me all twisted up inside.
D-Day 5-22-04
BS(me) 52
WS 49
Divorced 7-26-06
3 adult children (28, 25 &18)
5 year A
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HINC,
don't worry you will always be a bit messed up with contact. However, I suspect you calling her, or having contact with her, messes her up as well. It will until the affair ends. You are right to look at the data, and the data says the affair continues, so Plan B continues.
Hope things go well for you and that your W eventually figures this out.
God Bless,
JL
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Hopeful - Things can only get better for you. Hang in there. Did you happen to read Ron's story? He and his wife were married for 35 years. She took chances and ended up dying from AIDS. Now the whole family is hurting terribly.
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