rjr...was wanting to touch base with you...saw your post on the "creeps"...check mine out..and let me hear from you.

Tman,<P>Hi! It is good to see you here. I have thought about you several times while visiting the board for one reason or other...<P>I was wondering as school started up how you were doing, and hoping that you are still fighting what I know is a battle. Things are going ok??<P>Fill me in if you can.<P>My H and I are doing better all the time. The summer brought a couple of unexpected contacts with the OM, but we got through it. (just coincidental sightings)<P>But things changed for the better a few weeks ago when one of the people I know from my old job said the OM was 'let go'. Now, there is virtually no chance I will ever 'run into' him again. (He lives 40 minutes away from here at least) I can't express the sense of freedom I feel from this. I don't worry when I go to lunch, nor do I have to worry about doing business with the old work place. It's a good thing. On a very human level I wish him happiness in life, and I won't deny that. I am just thrilled, and so is my H that he had this sudden turn of events. All-in-all just another big step away from the most tragic and painful mistake I ever made.<P>I know you don't need me to tell you..and I sensed from your post you've crossed no lines outwardly, but try Tman, to see that this friend of yours would be better off not talking with you at all. Maybe you should tell me more about where you are at, but in this case perhaps it's best to be cruel (stop talking altogether) to be kind...you know what I mean? <P>I have in months past had a thought or two about talking to the OM...to say that I just hope he is well. All I needed to do was think of my H and I realize that the OM doesn't NEED ANYTHING FROM ME. If he needs anything he needs it from God. I would be getting in the way. I WAS GETTING IN THE WAY. I am my H's and he is mine. Why I allowed myself to forget that it will always be difficult to say.<P>Sorry, I guess I just remember from past conversation with you, and sense even now that you are like me in that you want to 'help'...(seeing your professions I know it's true ) I wanted to help. BUT I only hurt my H, I only hurt the OM, I only hurt myself...<P>Sorry, kind of sad today but it's the weekend and my H is out of town...he'll be calling here at work any minute I hope...I miss him!!<P>I'll check back with you again later... or tommorow. <P>-janet

Tman,also - do you mind if I butt in?<P>I'm glad to see you back. Just wondering how you are doing in your teaching arrangement. Did you get through the summer okay?<P>Thought about you much - and Pilot's wife had another post on the soul-mate issue, and I wished you were here then.<P>Regards and Blessings!<BR>TNT

Hi guys...am at home now...started a lengthy post earlier at school..then computers shut down...was able to save it but will post it on Monday....be sure to check in for an update...

Hi Janet,Trusttruth<BR>Nice to hear from you.Summer was OK...helped some...but not a day went by when I<BR>didn't think of her. Only ran into her once time at Walmart. School started back up...was<BR>a bit apprehensive...and after seeing her...the war started back up for me. Yes...we took<BR>opportunities to visit when we could. Found myself in a cycle...thought I would be doing<BR>OK...little contact...then...thought I was over it...we would see each other...visit...and<BR>boom...there it goes again. I would begin to wrestle with feelings, perplexed by it all. And<BR>I could sense she was being drawn into this as well. She did express about a week or so<BR>ago...that she "liked me and being able to have a male friend to talk to". I know, I<BR>know...red flags...yet...it was not in a suggestive manner at all. I think we have both been<BR>scared to acknowledge that there might be something more under the surface. I did see<BR>her yesterday...and asked her how she thought her husband would feel her having a guy at<BR>work that she had a "kindred spirit" with...she admitted to feeling guilty about it<BR>lately...and that she would not like it if he was in the reverse role. I shared that things like<BR>this can get dangerous as I have seen before.She expressed that she "wished I was a<BR>woman" so it would not be such a threatening situation...because she likes my company. I<BR>expressed to her that I enjoyed hers as well. I know.... but I did. It kind of ended on a<BR>ackward note... because we don't know what to do with it. Your advice about cutting off<BR>conversation with her all together...possible...but to be honest... something in my heart<BR>doesn't want to. It's like...I want to handle it in a safe way...but not sure like I can. Sort of<BR>like the alcolholic who says "I can handle one beer"....RIGHT! Anyway...still feeling the<BR>tearing pains of withdrawl inside...guilt about letting myself get in this<BR>place...double-minded....Oddly...sometime last year...after hearing about some minister<BR>"who fell"...I begin to wonder about myself...always felt vulnerable in this area...but not<BR>sure how I would stand up under the temptation. Guess I was always looking for that<BR>blatant, forward approach...and not looking for the gradual road I ended up on. Jury still<BR>out on how I do...but don't think I have done as I probably needed to.Glad you are doing<BR>better...I had to get off the boards for awhile...seemed to rehash to much...hard to move<BR>on... Then...here I am again. Oh well...<BR>Spent the weekend just baring my heart to God...asking for his help. I even heard about<BR>another guy in the community who was cheating on his wife...but has moved back in but<BR>“can’t forget this other woman” I used to shake my head in disgust at this guy...but<BR>now...I understand him much better. Hopefully...this ordeal will not only strengthen my<BR>walk with God, my marriage with my wife...but also enable me to minister more<BR>effectively to men who find them selves in this place. I’ll stay in touch....<P>[This message has been edited by Tman (edited September 27, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Tman (edited September 27, 1999).]

Oh Tman,<P>I know where you are. You need God's help there is no doubt. My friend, I am not judgeing you. Keep that in mind while you read this. I am only here standing next to you as a friend who has already walked down the road. You are in too deep already. Might not sound believable but it is true. I thought last Oct. that I was in control, my heart didn't want to let go of the good feeling it was getting.<P>It's now or later. That's what it boilded down to for me. I choose to let it go on. I walked right into more involvement Tman, walked right into it. I know the pain you feel is valid. But hear me when I tell you the pain is 100 fold if you don't stop now - stop the friendship. I only say it to help you. <P>You've both expressed that you like each others company. I did this too with the OM. It seems innocent enough, but yet it is not. We are adults. The message has been delivered. You MUST pull back. Forgive me for been so direct but I again, only say it to spare you pain, not to judge you in where you are..<P> It is interesting to me that she told you ".she admitted to feeling guilty about it lately...and that she would not like it if he was in the reverse role." I SAID THIS EXACT SAME THING TO THE OM !!!! She loves her husband or she would not be able to say this. Tman if you really care for her stop talking with her. She needs to go to her H with her cares it is his place in every way!! Don't worry if it 'hurts' her. This is what I meant about being seemingly cruel to be kind. IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE. Chose to KILL it. <P>You must turn only to your W. You have to think over and over of her. Your marriage. Deny yourself what you think you are gaining with this friend, because satan would have you believe you 'deserve' to have it. He is right. You deserve a friend, but NOT THIS ONE. Your W is the woman - help her to be who you need her to be. <P>You know better than most that evil comes as an angel dressed in white sometimes. I am not saying that this woman is evil - no not at all. But satan is setting BOTH of you up to act that part. The OM in my case is worthy of love and kindness (everyone is) but I was NOT the one to give it to him!! <P>You WILL eventually see this for what it is. The WRONG thing. You must decide that you will not allow your W, your Friend, your friend's H, and even you (not to mention any children) to go through the pain that awaits if you allow this to continue.<P>Friendship is not bad, caring is not bad. The reason it is wrong is because you are vunerable to eachother - that's it. <P>God is ALWAYS right. You and I both know that. I know that in a new way now, and I wish I never had to learn it this way. He is your father wanting both you and your friend not to put your hand on the 'red hot stove' Tman, the pain is excruciating. If I could show you the counts hours of crying (sobbing) and if I may say -wailing -that my H and I have spent. Those nights laying on the floor wishing I could physically tear my heart out. Wishing I were dead, in a very litteral sense. I can't change it now, my God how I wish I could. These words will never express that to the degree I feel it. NEVER.<P>Yes I hated people who did this stuff. Weak, sick individuals and I know you understand now how easily it can happen. Worse yet I became one. Your understanding will help you to have greater compasion for those who are trapped. But you must free yourself from the trap to be able to help.<P>The 'withdraw' pain fades and the love built in the marriage burns bright again. It happened to me. <P>Please don't see me as tearing you apart, telling you what you already know. I don't mean it like that. I mean to share only the truth with you, even if it hurts.<P>Please come here and talk when you need to. Read offen the pain you see here. It will help to keep you 'sober'...<P>Also feel free to write e-mail also if you need to... janetrjr@yahoo.com... <P>Keep in touch.<P>Janet<p>[This message has been edited by rjr #2 (edited September 27, 1999).]

Janet...check your email...<p>[This message has been edited by Tman (edited September 27, 1999).]