Has anyone else experienced a mean spirited EX? My STBXH has a order of protection against him which is good for 2 years. He is not supposed to call me, come to the house, come to my work...none of this. It's been a week since the OP was extended and he's called at least 3 times a day from payphones. When I hear his voice I immediately hang up. He's not supposed to be calling me. So when he can't reach me he calls my son and tells him things like "I'm going to shut off your cell, your sister's cell and your mom's cell" They are in his name, which he has every right to do, however, he's picking this week to do it because my son comes home from college friday, it's a 400+mile drive. He's trying to make sure I worry about car trouble or whatever with my son driving that distance. So he has since disabled our cell phones, that was supposed to happen at midnight tonight, however, they were dead by 5:00 p.m. (CST). Next he has suspended phone service to the house. I called and tried to have it switched to my name, but couldn't since he didn't disconnec the service, he just suspended it which means if I want a new phone number I have to have the house rewired with a new phone line, new phone jacks & everything which is very expensive. What happens if there is an emergency? With phone service suspended I cannot even call 911. I've tried to get a cell phone in my name, but he knows that because of a bankruptcy I filed 12+ years ago before he and I got married, I'd have to put down a large deposit for the phone. That's why they were in his name to begin with.

Anyone else go thru this? If you did how did you get things back in your name? No phone service is tough to swallow, not that I talk on the phone all the time, but to be on-line for anything, including my daughter doing homework, we have a dial up modem which requies a phone line. Since we cannot speak, all he would have had to do is have his attorney contact my attorney and put the home phone in my name. He could have done the same thing with the cell phones but he chose to be vindictive.

I'd appreciate any feedback as to how i should deal with this.

Hold on a minute - I'm confused. If all your phones have been disconnected, how are you getting online to post this?

Can you get the phone service un-suspended and put into your name? I'd try that if I were you. I would explain that you had no way to contact anyone without that phone service and see if they can give you permission to have a new line there.

What about having cable or DSL installed and then adding Voice Over IP (Internet phone service)? That would give you Internet access and phone service. When I got my cable I did not have to provide any credit checks.

Now, re: bankrupcy - I thought that disappeared from your record after 7 years. Did you try to get a cell phone? I'd try this again too.


Assuming none of the above work, I have no clue. Other than ask your lawyer to intervene immediately.

Sorry for all the trouble but I can suggest a couple things I did that fixed it...

First for the cell phone....

Go to T-Mobile, you can get a $39.99 a month plan with 600 minutes, unlimited long distance, nights and weekends free. The best part? No deposit no matter how bad your credit is. Go to a T-Mobile store, you'll be happy you did.

For the Utilities....

I called customer service and believe it or not, they can be VERY helpful. Pour it on and next thing you know...Bing, Bang, Boom...Utilities switched over to my name and old bills sent to the WWXW. She had been threatening to turn them off so I did it for her.

Home Phone and Internet service.....

This was where I couldn't get the phone company to switch over to me. No way, No how....not without the bill being paid (and I wasn't going to pay it) Soooooo....I let it go, it is in her name so she can turn it off or pay the bill or let it get shut off(what do I care?) , in your case he has suspended, either way is OK. Do you have cable TV? If not call your local company (adelphia, wide open west, whatever...I use wide open west) and they have packages where you get High Speed Internet, Cable TV and, Phone service for a very reasonable price.

I have 112 channels cable, 6mb per second Cable Internet (smokin'!), and Unlimited long distance, voice mail, 3-way calling, call forwarding, call waiting, and a bunch of other stuff I don't use for a grand total of.....Ta Da!

$104.99 a month!

Hope this helps in some way Dana

RebornMan

ps- if you decide to use wide open west let me know because I'll get $50 off my bill if you use me as a reference.....hey I like to save whenever I can <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I didn't think the bankruptcy would still be on your record either. Can you contact your attorney about this? I know it costs a gazillion dollars an hour but he shouldn't, morally - which is altogether different from legally, be able to get away with all of this.

In my support order during my legal separation, my then stbx was required to pay half of my local telephone service in as much as he moved out yet he wanted to talk to the children daily.

Deja VU is right - Bankruptcy drops off completely after 10 years - like you never filed. Plus, after 2 years, you can get all the credit you want - mortgage, credit cards, you name it you get it. I know - I've been there.
Now as for the phone - simple you do NOT have to have all that crap put into the house. Just call the phone company and have them run another line to your house - a second line sort of, but it will be in your name and explain you're going thru a divorce. When the phone tech gets to your house, just have him DISCONNECT outside (a simple phone jack on the outside box) the old phone line and he will plug your NEW line into it - no need for new jacks and all that crap. We've had a second phone line put in before and it's pretty simple. The Cable Modem VOIP (voice over internet) is a good idea, the only drawback is, you can't dial 911 in an emergency - don't know why but that's how it is with internet phone. And cable modem or dsl is like $29 a month - we have cable modem and it's $29 a month but you have to also pay for basic broadcast channels - usually an additional $15 but if you already have cable, you would not have to pay the extra channels since you already would get them.
Vindictive EX? Yep. Still as hateful, stoopit, vindictive, ugly, mean, revengeful, and NASTY as she ever was... nearly 7 years later. Will she ever change? Nope. Do I care? Nope. Let me say that feelings such as hers only EAT HER UP and damage her health, not mine - I could not care any less about her than I do now. Peeps like her (and your ex) live their lives in misery coz they spend so much time trying to 'get back' at the ones they 'think' have wronged them.
Hope this helps.
Harold

I would also be letting the police know how he is still abusing you in spite of the OP. This will not stand with the judge well at all. He could find his fine little fanny in the slammer for a while while he considers all possible meanings of the phrase NO CONTACT!

I agree, call the police. In Minnesota, the no contact order is taken both literally and very seriously. How do i know? My XWW is mean spirited. You see, in MN (and I would suspect most states) anyone can go in and apply for and OFP. If the allegations are bad enough most judges will approve a temp order and sort the details out at a hearing... which is usually up to the respondant (person being served) to request. Generally that leaves a period of time when a temp order is active... usually about a week or so before a hearing can be scheduled. So here is what happened to me. XWW claimed I was repeatadly harrassing her and that she felt threatened. Judge signed off on temp order and I got served in the middle of my sons 5th birthday party. Both the order and the Sherrif's deputy serving the order stated that in this particular order, all that was prohibited was harrassing contact. The only box the judge checked was no harrassing behaviour. Which was fine with me as I have never hasrrassed her anyway! None of the no contact boxes were checked. Fastforward to 9:00 that night and the kids want to call mom to say goodnight. I dial and happen to be reading the order when she answers. I say hello, how was your day... she says fine, how was yours. Then I gave the phone to the kids. No kidding... it was literally 10 seconds of contact.. non threatening and non harrassing. What did it get me? 12 hours in jail. The DA dropped the charges the next morning, but the cops let XW come and get the kids in the middle of the night and I got hauled to jail.

Point being two fold:

1) If he is ignoring the order, call the police... that's what the order was supposed to prevent. He is not above the law.

2) To answer your opening question, YES! I have experienced a mean spirited STBX. Phsyco too.

One other quick thing...

Go to Wal-Mart and get a $35.00 pre paid cell phone. No credit issues and you have phone service in minutes. You don't even have to wait until tomorrow morning if you don't want. Problem solved.

If you have a cable modem, there are phone services such as Vonage that offer Voice Over IP. Most homes are wired with a network interface box. That is the line where the phone company says you own the wiring downstream of the box.

(So no, you wouldn't have to rewire the home, and I really doubt you would need to get a new line run to that box if you wanted POTS Plain Old Telephone Service run to your home.)

But the cell phone idea is a good one as well, you can just get a good cell plan and use that instead of POTS.

T

thanks to all of you. The question was if I didn't have phone service how did i post? I went to a friends house to make some phone calls and she graciously let me get on line for a little while.

My Order of Protection is what they call a plenary - already had the temporary which was good for 2 weeks, the plenary is good for 2 years. apparently he is of the opinion that it is for any one but him and that by calling me from pay phones there would be no way to track him. He had been calling my now disfunctional cell phone and when I'd answer and hear it was him, I'd immediately hang up, because if I engage in conversation with him, then I too violate the order of protection and I'm not going to do that for anything.

I have to wonder, do the mean spirited ex's ever give up and get tired of trying to wreak havoc in the lives of their ex's? Wouldn't you think that they could find better things to do, like get on with their own lives, rather than annoy us?

Why did you get an order of protection if you aren't going to enforce it?

It depends on how much of an [censored] they make of themselves... especially in Court. Took my ex-wife 6 years to finally give up on me.. although she never misses a chance to screw with our kids whenever she can.
But.. that's HER problem - not mine. I would focus on YOURSELF and your dear children.
Only my experience with HATEFUL persons..
Harold

My STBXH ibeing a jerk too. I would go let the police know he's harrassing you and then go get a cell phone in your own name. Change everything into your name.....

It makes me so angry that these WS think they can control everything. They are the one's that chose to leave so can't they just dissappear? UUggghhhh!!

Good luck!!!

For the record, why did I get the order of protection if I wasn't going to enforce it? Well since he is calling from payphones and his cell phone getting a definate location is tough. I have notified the local police and that is what I was told. I was told that since he called from a pay phone by the time the police would get there he would most likely be gone, and calling from his cell he could be any where. They have noted all the complaints and my attorney has informed his attorney. We go back to court on the 24th of this month.

I am not having any contact with him what-so-ever. I do not speak when he calls, since he's cut off our home phone he can't call me there. I did try to get a cell phone in my name, however, those of you who think that the bankruptcy automatically drops off your record after 10 years better check again. It's been 12 years and it's still showing up on mine. I can't get anything other than a prepaid without a huge deposit. Now the only number anyone can call me at is work for right now. I'm not seeing him, I want no contact, I'm following the rules of the OP. Like I said I have reported it to the police and the complaints are on file. They have to catch him. Yes we can get the phone records thru the phone company for the payphones if needed.

The games he's playing are stressful not only on me but on my children as well (no they aren't his children).

Dana,

Order the cable package I talked about for your home...cable, internet and home phone all in one.

Did you try T-Mobile?

Sorry to hear that. AS USUAL, the peeps at the Credit Reporting Agencies are NOT doing their job, so you have to DO IT FOR THEM, like I did 2 years ago. Get their snail-mail address, get a copy of your Discharge Papers, then copy it and enclose a nice little letter reminding them that Bankruptcy drops off after 10 years, not 12 and they NEED to UPDATE your file. Give it about 3 months - they'll fix it.
Harold

Rebornman: Yes I did get the prepaid cell phone. Thanks for the tip. I have also called our cable company about getting a cable modem installed. It'll be sometime next week, they are pretty busy! So I came to the library today to get on line.

What about trying to tape your x's calls? Even if from a pay phone the voice recognition might be there. Taping may be illegal, but technically that's what an answering machine or voice mail does. Plus, the x might back off if he thinks that he's being taped for legal purposes. You wouldn't have to answer your phone in person. A pre-recorded message could inform all callers that you are screening all calls, that a message can be left, and you will return the calls as appropriate.

Caller I.D. could also help, in terms of answering or not.

The phone company in my area (Michigan)also has a plan where the calls can be screened as they come in. You can pre-set phone numbers that are automatically allowed through. (friends, relatives, etc.)and have all other calls go through your screening system. Someone makes a call to your home. The person calling is informed by a recording (I think a recording, it might be an answering service)that your calls are being screened. The caller is asked to state their name. You find out whose calling as they make the call. You decide whether to accept or refuse the call. The caller is asked to hold until you answer or refuse the call. I have no idea what this feature costs. I have been at the caller end of this service and experienced it.

And yes, bankruptcy is to be totally removed from all records at least at the 10 year point...and I'm thinking that it may be as early as 7 years. I filed a couple of years ago when I was left with all the debt in divorcing my x. And your right about trying to get services!! Up front payment...total amount...highest prices!!!

Good luck...don't let the so-and-so get you down!

I know for a fact that credit bureaus keep things they are not supposed to. In these cases you can force them to remove them. One of these is keeping records of expired deliquencies - like your bankrupcy. Another is if you dispute the claims of a creditor, and that creditor cannot produce records to substantiate the claim - they HAVE to remove it.

How to get these off? That's another story - I wrote on one of Lordslady's posts earlier today with suggestions for how to get help with getting credit records fixed. But if there is an erroneous report you have to pursue it, because if you don't, nobody will.

Heartmending has a great idea about screening all calls. And.. why should you have to give him your new number? Nobody says you have to - you just tell him if he needs to contact you, then for him to use your lawyer.You can give the number out to friends and family you KNOW won't pass it along to him - no sense getting harrassed by him on your new number, coz you KNOW he will do it! And good for you about getting broadband - welcome to the wonderful world of ALWAYS ONLINE - you'll love it! And DejaVu is exactly right on getting credit agencies to remove info if the creditor can't prove it.
Pursue it.
They're all online.
Experian.com is one.
You can Google the rest. I believe there are three major ones, Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. Do not fall for the BULL 'we can repair your credit' line - only you can do that. They're a scam.
I wish you the best.
Harold