Just out of curiosity Dana, why did you get an OFP in the first place? What actions on his part led to you requiring protection?

I only ask because I am in a similar spot... kind of. I mentioned earlier that I have gotten served with OFP papers from my XWW. I did nothing wrong. I have only tried to maintain a relationship with my kids. XWW doesn't seem to want that. I thnk she just wants me to go away. I'm not going away... those are my kids too, and they need their dad. But, she gets angry when I try to be involved and she goes and files an order. Or, in the last case, she barged into MY house and wouldn't leave. So, I helped her back across the threshold. She got P*SSED and went to the police. The judge said I was out of order.... HUH!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Don't take this the wrong way Dana,'cause I'm really not trying to pick on you, but you were the WS... one could understand why your XH would be angry with you. Granted, he ought to eventually work thru those feelings and move on with his life... but one could understand his anger. That said, you shouldn't have to live in fear either. Thus the question, what did he do?

I realize that being the WS my H had every right to be angry with me, however, there is a history of physical abuse going back almost 12 years. I got the OP because he put his hands on me for the last time. I had always threatened to do it before but I was afraid that it would make him more angry. This time was the last straw. I don't care how angry you are at someone, that gives no one any right to physically touch anyone in an angry manner. Enough was enough. It was not the first time he hit me but it definately was the very last. No matter what one has done, no one deserves to be physically, emotionally or verbally abused. No one, not even a WS.

Agreed, and I never claimed otherwise. However, from the tone of one of your previous posts it struck me as though perhaps you were using the systems to end contact because the contact itself made you uncomfortable... not necessarily due to any threatening action on his part. I appologize if I was wrong. Like I said, i wasn't trying to pick on you.

You see, I am on the other side of the coin here. In the last 15 months my XW has filed for 5 OFP's, 3 of which I have been served with, and 1 that was finally granted. The grounds of which, I felt were completely obsurd... I can't imagine what that judge was thinking when he made that ruling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have done nothing wrong. I have never threatened her, never abused her, and the only time I ever laid a hand on her was to help her out the door because she IS NOT allowed in my home. She came in un-invited and wouldn't leave. Over that 15 months though, she has called the police on numerous occasions to try and have me arrested. Usually the cops tell her to go and pound sand.... they can see how evil she is. However, once early on, they did arrest me. 12 hours I spent in jail before the county attorney dropped the charges... stating that I was erroniously taken into custody and that I didn't do anything wrong. XW calls me whenever she wants, she has contact with me whenever SHE sees fit... but she will call the police at the drop of a hat if she gets upset. In addition, she tries to enlist the services of the battered women's shelter whenever possible... AND THEY HELP HER! I can't get over that one. I have never, ever harmed one hair on that woman's head and that advocacy group will just take her word for it without any proof, or any evidence of any kind. They just assume "Well... if she's saying it... it must be true..."

Sorry to go off on a rant there... but you can get a feel for my synical view of OFP's and how they are issued and enforced. At least around here.

I'm sorry for your past pain and suffering. If he is as you say, then by all means, have that order enforced to the hilt.

Take care and God bless.

WMWB - apology accepted. I know that you weren't trying to pick on me you just wanted to understand why I got the OP. After hearing your story I can understand why you'd question it. This was the very first time in 12 years that I finally stood up for myself with my H. The first 2 years we were married he drank heavily, and he would come home and take it out on me. I used to lie about the bruises. I was too embarrassed, afraid and ashamed to admit what was going on in my home. My children knew what the truth was, but I didn't want anyone else to know. I didn't want to think that I made a mistake by marrying my H. To his credit he quit drinking cold turkey, no AA, no support group nothing. He's been sober 10 years this october. However, he still has a temper and will go off at the littlest thing. For years we all have walked on pins & needles trying not to set him off. Since he quit drinking the physical is less often, but it has still happened. The verbal and the emotional seemed to step up quite a bit. It is not at all uncommon for me to be called stupid, worthless, a waste of time.

Anyhow, on April 19th, that was the last straw. He had grabbed my face so hard he left a bruise under my right eye, threatened to f*(king kill me right there and spit on me. I finally had enough. I was tired of ignoring what was happening, I was tired of being blamed for absolutely everything that had ever gone wrong in our M. I was tired of never knowing if I'd say the wrong thing and set him off. I'd had it. I called the police and the next day went and filed for the OP. Never had I ever done this, it's not a good feeling, but I'm protecting myself. I'm not using the legal system for personal profit, I'm not fabricating the events, the judge saw the pictures that were taken, he heard my testimony, my H's testimony and the testimony of a long time family friend that had witnessed previous incidents.

Now since my H can't come to the house he's sending his son to threaten me. It seems to be a never ending battle with his family. I'm the one that's wrong because he's not in OUR house. He's justified in abusing me (and he did the same thing to his first wife and previous girlfriends) because "he has buttons that can be pushed". We all have buttons that can be pushed, but again there is no justification to hurt someone just because your buttons have been pushed.

I hope this answered your questions. I apologize for the length of the response.

I know some women (and men too) can get OP's for all the wrong reasons, I got mine for the right reasons. Yes I should have done it a long time ago, however, in less you are in an abusive relationship it's hard to understand why it takes someone so long to finally get out. It's not that easy when you're in an abusive relationship. Your selfesteem is so low, you just get so used to being beat down, you truly think that there is no way out and that this is all you deserve. NO matter what anyone tells you, YOU have to be ready, YOU have to have reached bottom, had enough.....I'm an educated, smart, working mother of 2, I thought I would never be in this situation, it can happen to anyone, rich, poor, educated, non-educated. Abuse has no boundaries, no age limits or economic limits. It's wrong, it's hurtful and it can destroy both men and women.