Binder, you have my deepest sympathy. The wayward wreck such havoc upon our lives. I think you have a great plan. Look the best you can. Act the best you can. These days, I'm a single soccer and wrestling mom. I'd love to have a nice person to talk to during games and tournaments. Just remember to be honorable as long as you are still married on paper.

Are you absolutely sure that she's going to go? Maybe she's just yanking your chain. My WH only attends sporting events if it's a big time thing...like a large tournament or a championship. Otherwise, he can't be bothered. Would it be possible that she'll poke a few sticks at you, get your blood pressure up and then decide she has something better to do?

You're going to have to sort through your emotions about OM. As long as your divorce hasn't gone through, you can reasonably request him not be near your children. Has he been with them before? Once you're divorced, your going to have to deal with it. Your children are young and there will be many occasions that you will be forced to be with STXW. There's school plays, graduations, weddings and too many things to name. Some days, I feel like my WH has no right to attend these kind of things but of course, he does.

Keep on course and make it the high road.

Grapegirl, thanks for the sympathies.

She will be going. I inadvertently thought the tournament was on the weekend that I get the children on the Thurs. PM. I actually get them the Sat. AM at 9:00. The TM she sent me was to determine where the transfer takes place at the tournament town. When I realized that, I requested the children the day before so I could drive them out there and maybe she would reconsider going as it is a 3 ½ hour drive. She declined my request so she has to go so my son can play.

My knee jerk reaction plan which essentially consisted of sucking in my gut and sticking my chest out was a little shallow. Though the town is relatively small it is a tourist town and there are several other accommodations. I’ve booked one away from the team venue. Though my son won’t be around his buddies for the Sat. night another hotel solves a lot of the problems. I’m not ready to subject myself to her trying to act like were just one big happy family staying in two rooms. Blech. The alternate hotel is pricier, but I won’t have to go stay on the Friday night as the kids will be with the STBXWW. It also has a pool so they’ll be happy. I can’t say with any degree of certainty that she will stay the Sat night too, but in all likelihood she will.

I have told my STBXWW that I don’t want the kids around OM. She could care less and has had them stay at his place on occasion. She’s simply awful and has taken total leave of her moral senses. There is no legal way here in Canada to keep him away. I’m left with taking him behind the woodshed as my only option. BTW, we may be divorced by the time the tournament begins.

The rubber stamped judgment arrived in the mail today. It takes effect on March 16.

My STBXWW has backed of from attempting to change the parenting arrangement and will not see the children on weekends. It is up for review when my daughter reaches school age in 1 ½ years. I will not relax my right to my children; in fact I may attempt to get full custody at that time. She has become, in effect, my nanny.

Plan B for life

Well I'm glad Binder, that this painful chapter of your life is coming to an end.

It's time to begin anew, with the whole wide world as your oyster!

And I pray that the emotional divorce will happen soon as well, if it hasn't already.

Although your kids don't have the intact family you had envisioned and worked for for them, they have one of the best dang dads around...they are blessed Binder in so many ways.

Binder, I am breathing a sigh of relief for you. I just cannot imagine being so unimportant in my kids life like your STBXWW. Thank God they have a father like you. I think any judge with a sound mind would award you full custody.

It's done folks....I'm single.

{{Binder}} How are you? I would imagine it still hurts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Oh and did you get custody?

FF, I'd like to say something profound right now, but I only seem to be able to muster up some cliché bumper sticker philosophy. So I’m not even going to try other than to say my regrets are great, but are diminished by my enthusiasm. I look forward to my new unplanned life…..impromptu “adventures” always seem to be the most rewarding and create the most enduring memories. Bring it on.

In regards to the custody thing, what we agreed upon in the separation agreement survives the divorce, it will only come up for review when my daughter starts grade 1. I may try for full custody then

Hi, Binder.

Quote:
=======================
It's done folks....I'm single.
=======================

So, how do you feel?

Gimble

Thanks for stopping in Gimble. What I said to FF pretty much covers it. My concern lies with my children now, they didn't ask for this. For me though.....I know I'm going to be just fine.

(((Binder))) My sympathies are with you. I do NOT post here often anymore. BUt I remember you my friend. Dork filed in JUly but did not serve me til the anniversary sate of when I expesed his adutery to the miltary. Dumba$$. A few days before Christams. But it means NOTHING. Noseparation papers agreed on. Not even that fisst initial informal meeting with a judge.

Cakeeater and a DOrk all at the same time. But I am in no hurry. I am doing far more than exisitng. But the regrets run deep. And I still love him. Wish my heart wasn't so stubbonr. But I won't have him back the way he is now. And the courage it would take for him to even acknowledge the damage he did, well when ****** freezes over has a better chance.

NOt meant as a thread jack. Just a hi there and I am going down fighting. Hmm sound familiar, my friend. Weather's nice out her!

Binder:

Fine is good.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

Hi FAA,

I see you're still full of P and vinegar....good for you! Sorry about dork.....some men should have to take a test and get a licence before being allowed to have a penis. Too bad it can't be taken away. (well it can, but it's frowned on)

Glad the weather's great there....we've received all our winter in March. Still a foot of snow on the ground and more to come on the weekend........keeps the mosquitoes at bay though!

Good luck to you.

Hi, Binder.

Quote:
===================================
My concern lies with my children now, they didn't ask for this. For me though.....I know I'm going to be just fine.
===================================

I think you will find that if you are fine, they will be fine also. A single sane parent is always better than neither parent being sane.

God bless,
Gimble

Yup 2long......it is.


BTW....read about the loss of your friend...my regrets.

Nothing like the loss of a friend to render ones sense of priorities crystal clear. I wish you well.

Hi Binder.

Um, welcome to single life. Don't you feel different? I know I did, haw haw.

Plan B for life is... well, the jury's still out on that one, ain't it? I know it's not easy.

I'm glad you have your kids. I'm sure they're glad they have you, even if they don't know it yet.

I am not making sense. Rest assured, there are no chemicals involved.

GC

I am not long behind you on this one Binder...the reconciliation attempt was very short lived...spent Christmas and New Year's with me and then poof STBX got word OW was in a bad way (she is an alcoholic)...life threatening he stated and felt he could not live with himself if something happened to her...funny part is when he was crying at the front door to leave stated I had been so compassionate and loving during this time could we still remain friends <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />...my answer ..friends ..heck no..and you know why ? because friends don't hurt friends the way you have hurt your family...three days previous to this was our 32 wedding Anniversary and my Birthday...gave me beautiful cards promising his undying love and thanking me for giving him a second chance...had flowers delivered to the House...took me out to dinner the whole shabang..son and granddaughters saw those cards and flowers as well...I now know Divorce is the only option to protect my family from more pain....for those of you whose husbands just walk away and stay away thank your lucky stars...the only reason I did attempt reconciliaton was because I got a call at three in the morning from my STBX begging me for help...he had just left his OW at a bar in a drunken stupor and I thought he had hit rock bottom...he promised me he would see a Dr. for depression and a professional for his issues...now know I just enabled him to get back on his feet and once I did bang he was off running again...the man I saw before me was not even close to the man I married and it was a wake up call big time...so Binder I am now pushing hard to finalize Divorce and be free of this man...I now have a sense of peace and am looking forward to my many new adventures in life....good luck to you and your precious children Binder

Binder

You have done well by your children...
as best and as much as you can and could...

you earn your place of admiration in a society that so readily with skewed vision sees dads as replacable and unimportant...

seek comfort and strength knowing that your actions were not ones based on selfishness...

be well..

ARK

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />