Hi Tess - Lets see how to move on - that is the exact question I have been asking myself for years - here is a little about my situation... started dating at 18 - married at 22 - found out just before 15years that he had an affair - lied to me for practically a year about who the affair was with - I then found out it was the lady next door - once I had all of the facts I realized how stupid I had been all of this time.. So now fast forward - he has been out of the house since April 2002 - we were divorced September 2002 - I have given up any kind of life to raise my two girls and give them a stable home... There has been emotional turmoil after turmoil - from him going over next door - to me reacting to it - to my girls reacting to it.. I remember how many nights I used to get up in the middle of the night to see if her car came home for the night... Anyways now - I am not sure I am over it - I am not sure that I ever really truly will be.. But I have come to the point where I dont' care they deserve each other.. and now they have supposedly broken up - not even sure if that is true but as long as my girls don't have to deal with it - or I don't have to see it.... well then I am better.... I miss him - truly I miss the person that I thought he was - the father that I thought he was gonna be to my children - I miss the fact that all of my dreams were shattered - and I was thrown into an emotional turmoil... but I am surviving everyday I think about it less and less.. I actually got a parttime job - I am very busy - but I am out in the human race again - I actually went on a date and I am even going on a second date... I am not even sure that I like him like that - but then again I don't even know how to date - I had like two boyfriends in high school and then married my husband - so I understand how you feel.... I hope some of this helps.. It isn't easy but I think once you accept the fact that it happened you cannot control any of it - and you are worthy of being loved or loving someone else - then you start to move on.... Will my life ever be the same probably not - but I still hope for that day when I can wake up and say you know what I should call and thank my exhusband because I am truly happier than I have ever been.....

Maw,

I truly understand how you feel. 8 mos. ago I used to drive by the OW's apt. just to see if my WH's car was there. I don't know how in the heck you've handled HER being right next door! OMG! You're a very strong woman whether you realize it or not.

I understand the 'not having a life to raise your girls' thing too. Between working to provide for us and his need for naps throughout the day and being up around twice yet during the night - I have no social life right now either.

Where am I going to go out and meet nice, christian, single men who aren't opposed to a woman with an infant - with an infant? It's not like we can just strap our kids to our side like an accessory or something.
The only reason I'm able to type this right now is because he's napping.

I understand the not having many relationships B4 marrying.

I understand not being sure exactly what's involved with dating at this point too.

I'm so glad for you that you are moving towards really not caring anymore about what THEY are doing. Really I am.

I hope I get there soon.

It's encouraging in that if you've reached that point in your life than it's possible for me too.

(p.s. I miss who I thought my WH was going to be too.....

I wore this cute little cami from victoria's secret on monday when he came to get/drop off our son and caught him twice checkin' me out and then quickly looking away. Part of me was a little amused and the other part was like - Why are you quickly looking away? I'm still your wife. *sigh* )

Since you're past caring about what they're doing do you no longer care if he's attracted to you at all as well ?

Do I need to not care if he's attracted to me any longer to truly heal?

And how do I realize if I do TRULY care or do I just want to see if I can steal him back from HER?

*SIGH*

So many questions ..........

I really don't see my exhusband at all.. And actually I just started talking to him in the last couple of weeks or so - somewhere it is like this calm came over me because they are no longer together - and actually I am at the point that if he was with someone else I think I would actually be ok with that - as long as it isn't the person that came into our marriage and caused so much destruction...and I would think finding someone who wanted a woman with a baby would be easier than having a 12 year old and 15 year old daughters.... Really you are so new to this it is really gonna take time and unfortunately at times you will be your worst enemy driving yourself nuts - but you will come through it.... you know -- stay strong and don't get to down on yourself when you have a bad day....

I'm glad he's no longer with her and you don't have to see it anymore.

You know I've said sort of the same thing at times.

I could handle him with someone totally new a heck of a lot better than him being with Cheryl because she's the one who came between us and had him move in with her only 3 weeks after our son was born. Dirty.

You know I wasn't thinking of myself as really new at this but I guess I am. It's been almost 9 mos. but I guess in the scheme of things that's not that long.

I can get really emotional about it at times and you're right, it makes me my own worst enemy.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Tess - you are new it takes everyone their own time to get over things... I mean when people would say to me who cares - good riddance - blah blah blah - I would say - listen dont' you think that I wish I could be one of those people that wake up one day and find out their spouses cheated on them and then they say screw you - end of story and never give them the time of day...God that would have made this whole mess so much easier on me.. I remember those nights of calling him crying saying why did you do this to me - can't you even apologize??? I mean really it was pathetic but that was how I felt - I needed to know why - but it just gets to a point that you have to accept that you are never gonna be able to really ever understand why.... But when you don't have to see it - or get a bit of your own life back - you tend to start feeling better about things.. I mean I am lonely - I truthfully don't even know what I am doing but I keep putting one foot in front of the other - and while I know I am not 100% back to normal and you know I don't even think I ever will be... I do know that I am 100% better than I was say even 6 months ago...I mean you have been through a horrible betrayal - you had a baby and you were left... of course you are gonna freak.. but you know what I am sure one day you are gonna wake up and say you know what he really did me a favor I deserve so much better.... Of course there are gonna be bad days - and they will get less and less over time.... Really you might not think it but it will... And no one can tell you how long it is gonna take you to get over it... No one truly cannot understand this betrayal unless they have actually gone through it - sure they can say what you should do ... But you are the one dealing with it and experiencing it - And really I personally I don't think there is a right or a wrong way - I could be wrong... But you have to protect yourself and your baby - he cannot be your concern .... You have to take care of you - so in turn you can take care of your baby - and someday he is gonna realize what a fool he was - of course will he admit it nope but someday I am sure he will feel it.... I will be around whenever you want to talk you can always email me... mimiw64@yahoo.com ....