Mschuter:
For what its worth, it takes a few month for the WS to go thru the initial Withdrawal. The reconnection back with the BS takes much longer and it is a painful uneasy experience. Much doubt will remain with both of you. The kids and the family itself is the main reason to play it out and see if the bond can be rekindled.
It took me, the BS, to feel more comfortable with our marriage about 18 months after DD. I think up and till then, I would give and receive mixed messages casting doubt about Recovery even being possible.
I had the need to discuss, discuss, and rediscuss the things my WS did, where they went, and I needed to know on a frequent basis if she was thinking of him and how was she feeling, etc. She complained to our MC about it. The MC explained that I needed to work this out inside and my wife was the only one who could help me with my questions. The MC set some rules for us by having my wife give me 10 minutes per day to discuss my feelings and for her to answer my repetitive questions. This way it didn't keep the affair talk ongoing throughout the day. That worked for us and after awhile, you simply don't have anything else to say about the affair. Every once in the while we talk about the past but it is more matter of fact talk with no emotion to it.
Your wife being home means she wants to be with the kids and family or she wouldn't be there. (Blackmail feelings or not) Accept that as a committment in itself. The relationship will rebuild in time bringing back the comforts of the past. You just have a long way to go but you both have started.
You might feel like the dog who finally caught the car, now that you got it, what do you do with it!
Early on in Recovery, I changed my name to TooSoonToBeComfortable because of the uncertainty of Recovery.
Be patient and take life one day at a time.
TooSoon
