I am new and have been reading but not posting. I am still trying to figure out how my life got so out of control and where I go from here. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. There have been ups and down but for the most part a great marriage and friendship. We have both put ourselves through college and have great jobs. WE are very blessed with three wonderful girls.

Three months agao I caught my husband in a huge lie. He told me he was going to be on a business trip in NYC but ended up going to see his brother so they could use drugs and get high together. (He missed our twins birthday so he coudl do this). This was the first time I knew about my husbands drug problem. I knew he did drugs before we were married but did not know the problem was ongoing. It ended up that he has been using are whole married life. Really good at hiding it because no in his life except his brother knew about it. Anyways to make a long story short he ended up in rehab where the second week there he began a sexual affair with a woman who was at the rehab. I had no idea what was going on and could not figure out why he treated me so bad on the phone when he called. I went up for a family counseling weekend and really thought things were going well. I had no idea of the affair. He even introduced me to this woman, but did not introduce her has his lover. A week later he comes home and two days later I discover a text message on his cell phone that was sent to her. It was detailed and there was no question about what was going on. When questioned he lied but ended up telling me that he had a one night stand with this W. We start marriage counseling and he promiesed me, the counselor , and even a religous leader that it was only a one time thing and he was not in contact anymore with this W. (He called her in front of me to break it off). Well this week I found out that he has been talking to her on the phone several times a day and that instead of a one time affair it was very involved and he even left the rehab early with this woman so they could spend the weekend together in a hotel before they went home (She is married and her husband found out and left her and took their son with him). At first he did not want to end contact with her again because he said he would miss her and he had a lot of feelings for her. A few days ago he called her again (in front of me) and broke it off for the second time. I am so unsure though because all he does is lie. He does not show any remorse for what he has done. A lot of time he makes me feel like I am the one to blame. He says he wants to be married but his action say another thing. He has turned my life and my girls life upside down. I had him move out and the girls are really struggling. This all happen so fast and with no warning and we don't know how to pick up the pieces. I am sorry this is so long but I am so confused and don't know what to do. I love my h and want our marriage, I just don't know if I can get it back. I have never been so tired and hurt in my whole life. I did not know anything could hurt so bad.

It has been a week since I first posted. I feel my husband is being honest (I hope) and I am feeling so much better. I feel we are making progress. I really love my husband and want our marriage back. I want to start plan A but I am so scared of getting hurt. Anyone with some advice? I could sure use it. Thanks

hi just read your post and want to say i understand what you are feeling. I don't want to say this but i think you need to here it. He lied to you more than one time about her and told you its over ,called her and says over ,then goes right on talking to her. she is alone if her husband left her and your husband feels guilty for this and sorry for her to. please watch out and give it some time . i hope he is being truthful and you get back together. you have a long road ahead. i hate to give advice as i can't figture out what to do myself. one thing at least he told you about her and is being open thats more than i get always lies. take care and i hope for the best pansy

Pansy,
I just wanted to let you know what is going on with my husband. He joined an out patient rehab and things seem to be going well. For the first time since Feb. I am starting to see some positive change in him. I know I can't get my hopes up but it is encouraging. He has been clean for a week and has started to open up to me about his behavior. He called the other night and told me how sorry he was for everything he has done. He wrote out a contract and signed it and gave it to me. In the contract he stated that he would have not contact with the ow and that he would not have any other inappropriate contact with any other woman in the future. He said he would not use drugs and talked about a plan in he relapsed. He promised to be honest in all his dealings and said he knew his words held no value and that he had to prove himself through his actions. I know this is just the beginning of a long road but it is a start. Thanks for your postings. Ir really helped.
Conneen

I still hope all is going well . I will pray that it is . thinking of you Pansy