Rejection is no fun, and men are up for more of it.

GC

Lordslady, you are still focusing on what you can't do instead of what you can do. Yeah, I'm sure you could go on listing things, but if I wanted to play that game I'll bet I could match you one for one. Dining, traveling, going out some place where everyone else seems to be with someone, even watching a DVD at home...yeah, it's nicer to do these things with a companion instead of going it alone. But so what? Instead of lamenting my limitations, I like to choose from either of two positive options: I count my blessings that I can do these things at all and I do them anyway; or I just do one of the many many many other things available to me which don't tempt me into a pity party.

You say that you don't feel that you can go very far from home and can't be unavailable for an extended period of time. That still leaves you with a lot of options if you're a little creative. Do you have a cell phone so your daughter can reach you even if you are away from home? Or what about inviting people over to your home? Yeah, I know that you're embarrassed about the state of your home, but my home was always a wreck too until I just went ahead and started having people over. That forced me to find a balance between getting my house into some semblance of order and just accepting that it didn't have to be perfect. I found out that people didn't care if I lived in a model home or prepared a Martha Stewart evening for them; they were just delighted to be invited! Of course, it often takes months before we can find a time in our busy schedules to actually get a date set, but that's life these days.

At some point complaints about what one has lost cease to be part of a necessary mourning process and instead become excuses for not getting on with life. No, I'm not proposing that one should go all Pollyanna, because that's no more honest than focusing on the bad stuff; the glass is half-full and half-empty (or perhaps one-quarter full and three-quarters empty). But, lordslady, you've got a lot more choices in how to look at your life than you seem to accept. And whose lady are you, anyway?

Oh, rejection isn't so bad, just as long as you remember not to take it personally. After all, more often than not the reasons for rejection have little or nothing to do with who you are as a person, and a whole lot to do with circumstances and/or limited perception.

At least, if that's not true, and you really are being rejected because you are a bona fide loser, then for goodness' sake start working on what's wrong with your own life instead of trying to find someone else to make up for your inadequacies.

(Please note that the above use of the word "you" is intended in an entirely generic sense, and should in no way be construed as an aspersion directed toward any particular person.)

i cant say that all women have more fun but my ex certainly is....

she has a large income so she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants....my income is smaller, i gave up a high paying , very demanding job to have more time for her as we wanted to start a family(had triplets but they didnt make it)...

we decided to build a new large home for our family to be...we each had our own homes, living in hers and mine rented...i sold mine (2 actually) to buy the land on the river and build our huge home....

we lost the babies and we lost ourselves....

i am stuck here in a 2 income mortgage barely making ends meet with roommates and she is off out and about partying several night a week, dating alot...

so ,yes women have more fun being single...

yeah...i got the million dollar + home but have no life for the next several years until the IRS will let me sell this place and not take half

I guess if I reread my posts, I do sound like I'm having a pity party. I'm not sad. I'm just tired, and a little resentful toward my XH for leaving me with all the responsibility of parenting, and I find myself hoping that there is more than this to life someday, but knowing that I should be darned happy that I even have what I have and not starving children, disease and a hut with a dirt floor. And then I get angry at myself for not being content wherever I am in life and for wanting more.

In answer to an earlier question, my XH is an alcoholic. He's frequently not a suitable parent, but since the DV, he also seems totally uninterested in being a parent. He doesn't pursue a relationship with his daughter except for occasional phone calls. He did tell her that once he gets moved into his new house before long, they'll have her over to "hang out".

(The only time in the last 6 months that she "hung out" with him for a night, he had been drinking and was doing coke all evening...sneaking in his bedroom like he didn't think she'd know, but she could see him in the mirror.)

So while I don't discourage it, I also don't push her to spend time with him because I'm afraid that I could push her to go, he could take her somewhere drunk and they could wreck, and I'd blame myself forever.

GNP,

First, the though of having people over doesn't appeal to me. I don't like to entertain at my place, even if it does look nice. It stresses me out. And even if I did, WHO would I invite?

I used to travel alone to other states on business and was forced to go out to eat by myself. I didn't like it then and still don't. I became very talented at finding the nearest Wendy's.

Travel--maybe. Just statistically it's not as safe for a woman to travel alone as it is for a man...from staying in hotels, to driving alone in a strange place, to hiking alone around parks, beaches, etc.

As for local travel--Iowa is a great place to live for many reasons and I have no intentions of leaving, but I've seen about everything of interest within a 150 mile radius. When I say I like to travel, I mean TRAVEL. XH and I took a number of little 3,000-4,000 mile car rides during our marriage.

Life is peaceful for the most part. In fact, if you were around me on a daily basis, you'd find I sound fairly happy. It's a peaceful but empty happy.

I just don't share the excitement some people seem to have after exiting a difficult relationship and being out in the dating world again.

Absolutely true, GDP; words of wisdom. Takes getting used to though.

GC

LL, this is OT, but... is there anything you might need to do to keep your DD away from that insanity? You've said she's not all that interested, but XH seems like he wants to be her cool buddy. IIRC she's had some troubled times in her adolescence. Certainly having her hang around XH and the silicone bim while they sniff heaven knows what and invite her to party with them... not the best place for a hurt, confused, and somewhat squirrely adolescent.

LL, do not deny yourself joy. That denial, in and of itself, is not noble, it's just wasteful.

GC

I think whether or not you enjoy being newly single depends on your circumstances. If you were married to someone who was financially irresponsible - having control over your money to save or spend as you see fit can be liberating and a great deal of fun.

It also depends on how many obligations to your personal time you have. If you have custody of children for instance - there wouldn't be much in the way of free time to enjoy newly singleton status.