I need a personal recovery toolkit.

There are days when I have no problem fighting for what I believe in, regardless of future outcome. But there are days when I want to fight for something in a realm that I completely control, like my personal recovery.

The foundation of personal recovery seems to rest on:
1. Sleep
2. Exercise
3. Healthy Diet
4. Anti-depressants as needed
5. Cleanliness (personal and home)
6. Get a life (pursue interests and engage with the living)

Personal recovery from affairs involves:
7. Accepting the fact that it happened (no more "if only..." or "why me?")
8. Understanding the complex reasons for affairs (not just "personal failure").
9. Deliberately focusing on dealing with it and talking openly about what happened.
10. Allowing time to heal.
11. Believing it's possible to recover.
12. Letting go.

I know there must great links for each of these categories. Are there other ways to think about working on personal recovery? Anyone else interested in this?

Can we add in there tons of pictures of cute kittens and puppies?

I am serious, nothing like a cute kitten to make me feel better.

I like kittens.

I'm allergic to kittens.

I love STUFFED ANIMALS.

Loy, Very good and definately needed right now. Just wanted to express my apppreciation for your post.

Loy,

A personal recovery toolkit for this forum is a great idea! I am fairly new here, but my time here as been mostly about personal recovery and familiarizing myself with MB concepts. I've found a wealth of information and people like WAT and bob pure* and ark^^ have put together some extremely helpful toolkits.

I would be interested in contributing to your project and if I were to agree or adjust your first suggestions, at least in this yet early stage for me, it would go as follows:

The foundation of personal recovery seems to rest on:
1. Meditation, prayer, spiritual calm
2. Sleep
3. Anti-depressant therapy as needed
4. Exercise in the fresh air
5. Healthy Diet - abstinence from alcohol and "recreational drugs"
6. Self discipline
7. Priority list of daily tasks combined with a personal reward system
8. Get a life (pursue interests and engage with the living)

Personal recovery from affairs involves:
7. Accepting the fact that your spouse will not be of assistance in the recovery from what they have done to you and your family
8. Understanding that you can only change yourself and not your partner.
9. Setting boundaries to protect yourself and your children ... in particular pertaining to respect and self esteem, but also safety, financial security, health, etc.
10. Allowing time to heal.
11. Believing it's possible to grow and become a better person because of all this.
12. Letting go of resentment and opening to forgivenss, everyday.

There are others here that are far more knowledgable about personal recovery. But for me, finally realizing that my life is only as complete as I am, no more, no less, was the turning point. Looking to relationships, my work, or even happy events for a feeling of wholeness did not work.

Only when I stopped looking outside of myself and started looking within, did I find contentment and peace.

Personal Recovery Toolkit?

[color:"brown"] CHOCOLATE!!! [/color] [color:"red"] It saves lives...... lots of lives. [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

im healing at orchids house!!!!!

We all recover from a tragidy in different ways and make no mistake what we've been through is tragic. I do think that no matter our personal style of recovery the longer we dwell on the past and what was the slower our progress will be. My new saying after all of this is "it is what it is". Not real deep but very accurate. We can't change what was only what will be.

A nice long ride on a Harley or a good horse always helps. Ya know what us cowboys say, there's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man.

Always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!

Willard, Steve or Jennifer?

Sorry!

Actually, strangely accurate, Mr. E...

okay it took awhile but now I'm cracking up

Planting flowers and watching them grow....

Hands in the dirt! YUM!

LIFE GOES ON...NO MATTER WHAT!!

Oh and BTW: I'm with ORCHID. Some chocolate a day keeps the Dr. away! If want to be healthy, try the KUDO's GRANOLA BARS. There are SNICKERS and M&M Varieties...

Ahhhh comfort food. Generally it's not chocolate for me (Although I enjoy the occasional bag of peanut M&M's). It's weird, but throughout my ordeal I seemed to crave protein, and I still do. I eat a lot of scrambled eggs.

I find that the greatest asset to my personal recovery is the ability to think things through rationally before acting, for a very long time I was just reacting to everything, life was just sort of happening to me. I was running on pure emotion, everything seemed to be a life or death decision. I am now able to put things more into perspective. I can identify my pain, and I can sit with it, I don't have to run around and try to pretend like it's not happening, or replace it with anger, I can say "I'm hurt and it's appropriate to feel that way".

Another thing that makes me different than I ever was before is that, my marriage is FAR from perfect and my personal happiness isn't hinging on that. I am trying really hard, I am making some headway, but I don't sit around and bemoan my fate anymore.....it's pointless.

I have also given up on regret. For the longest time, I wished that I had a rewind button for my life, so I could do things differently this time. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and although I can't say I'd want to do it all over again, I am a better person for the experience.

-Caren

Definately hands in the dirt!---and [color:"brown"]CHOCOLATE [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When I come inside from gardening with brown stuff all over me, no one can tell if it's dirt or chocolate! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Some personal recovery resources and ideas:

FOR THE BS:
Find a local support group – example: Beyond Affairs Network - BAN is made up of local support groups for people who are dealing with the devastating impact of a spouse's affair. It is for women and men (still married or divorced) seeking support in recovering from this experience. BAN

Every Heart Restored Intensive Workshop
Topics covered:
• Life after discovering your husband's sexual secret
• Understanding your husband's sexuality
• Now that you know, what should you do?
• Seeking healing in your marriage
• If change doesn't come
• Facing difficult decisions about your marriage

For the WS:

Every Man's Battle Workshop
Topics covered:
The Nature of Sexual Temptation
False Intimacy
Boundaries
Restoring Trust and Communication in Marriage
Temptation Cycles and How to Manage Them
Emotional Conflicts Common in Recovery
The Daily Disciplines in Recovery
Shame: Its Impact and Its Management
Relapse Prevention

FOR WOMEN: Woman Within International is a not-for-profit organization that offers educational opportunities for women to discover the power of who they are and encourages women to communicate this in their relationships, families, workplaces and communities.

Over 7100 women worldwide have attended the Woman Within Training weekend and many of these women have continued their journey at other Woman Within retreats and workshops including Healing the Wounds of Shame, Your Sexual Self, Woman Within Level II and Women Empowering Women.

Captivating Retreat Set deep in the heart of every woman are three core desires. Every woman longs for Romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to be the Beauty in the tale. It is for such that we were made. Join us at our four-day retreat as we journey together into the deep mysteries of our feminine souls in order to recapture our hearts. Through teaching sessions, films, music, guided periods of reflection and journaling, worship and beauty, we're inviting you to take the risk of coming alive as a woman . . . God's captivating woman.

FOR MEN:
2. The ManKind Projectoffers trainings which support men in developing lives of integrity, accountability, and connection to feeling. Our trainings challenge men to develop their abilities as leaders, fathers, and elders as ways of offering their deepest gifts in service to the world.

The ManKind Project's New Warrior Training Adventure® is an intense, transformative men's initiation which invites men to forge a deep conscious connection between head and heart. The NWTA offers men a powerful, challenging opportunity to look at all aspects of their lives in a richly supportive environment.

Wild At Heart Boot Camp We just couldn't offer this in a church setting. Or in the basement of a hotel. No, in order for a man to get his heart back, he's got to take a journey. One that involves risk, and danger, and a point of no return.

The Wild at Heart retreat is a four-day quest into the recovery of your masculine soul as outlined in John's book, Wild at Heart.

Through teaching sessions, films, guided periods of reflection and journaling, and question and answer, we have designed something far more than a retreat—its an expedition of the heart.