How are you doing? Please post an update on you girls!
I miss you!

Hey Mily,

Just decided to get on & see whats up. I pray all is well. I have been thinking about u, whats going on with u?

I am ok, hanging in there still talking to the X, things seem less hopeful. If nothing else we will be friends I hope. We spent what would have been our 9th anniversary together a couple of weeks ago. There has just been so much hurt & pain & now the life long baggage he has created w/ FOW & OC. I am not sure if I want to deal with that since I have gotten used to not having too. I don't think love is enough to overcome all of our past hurts & current problems.

So I continue to pray & try to be patient, listen for God's voice and direction.

I am glad I checked here today, will be around more often.



I actually got on an online dating site, talked to a man who lives nearby online & on the phone, he is out of the country at the moment & I doubt we will ever meet. The longer I talked to him the weirder he got, wanted to get married to me by the end of the year. Can we say cuckoo??????

Ahh...... Hello we have never met in person, spent anytime together, saw one another's picture not even to start a serious relationship much less a marriage!!!
It is really scary out in the dating world,

I'm so sorry to hear about you and xH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ... but I like your attitude about at least being friends with him ...


This is exactly what I'm scared the most ... right now, I've separated myself from OW/OC and xH's situation ... I'm trying to see it as I did when we were dating in the beginning, as if OC was from a previous relationship that I was not part of ... as it was for xH's S from his first marriage ... xH's xW was very demanding and unreasonable and it wasn't until she got into another relationship and remarried that she left him alone ...
but I still don't know what my reaction is going to be if we ever got back together (meaning living together) and OW is still acting with her demands ... I just don't know ... which is one of the reasons why I'm seriously thinking about moving back home next year ...
I feel sorry that DD and OC would not have a closer relationship but I think that it will be the best solution for us.




<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> cuckoo! cuckoo!

Hey Mily,

It makes it really hard once u get away from the "baby mama drama" that almost always comes w/ FOW & OC to go back to that. I don't even ask about OC anymore when I talk to XH, not that I don't think about her, cuz I do, and of course I see pics of her at his apt. I pray for her often cuz she was a means to an end to her mother & nothing more. Of course now that the D is final FOW & XH can't stand each other & he keeps conversation & dealings w/ her strictly revolving around OC as far as I know anyway. If only he had done that before......

I told him last week that I don't know if I want to deal w/ it again & he got really upset & said it was like I was saying I didn't want to try again, even after all this time it is like he doesn't understand how this tore us apart & that I could get used to not having to deal with all his baggage.

I dont know, I think I said this before but somehow I foolishly thought D would make me happy, allow me to move on, but I haven't. I only went on the dating site to try & push myself into getting away from XH, but I am not ready for a new relationship, haven't totally closed the door on the last one.

U r thinking of moving back home next yr. w/o your XH? I too am thinking of moving away next yr.

It may be the best choice I could make for B!

Not to mention that she might want him back if she knows you are back together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Same here ... as fas as I know anyways <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
She's been giving him a lot of problems because of the little time he spends with OC ... apparently Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays afternoons are not enough for her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

{{{{hugs}}}}


When he started making comments about us being back together, before the divorce was final and before me knowing about OC, I suggested to him for us to move to another state or back home ... he didn't want to ...
Now, while we were on vacation, peaceful vacations without OW's shadows ... just one call a day from him ... we talked about moving back home next year ... he said that he knows if we stay close to OW, she is still going to be dramatic about everything and make our lives difficult.
So we have been discussing that and plans are on the table ...
For me, the more I think about it, the more I'm getting used to the idea of moving back home ... with him or without him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I don't see myself dealing with OW for the next five, ten years or whatever time ...
Not that we don't have to deal with her if we do move back together and far away ... but the stress will be less.
He's been paranoid about her actions, she is driving by my house apparently frequently just to see if he is there or not, since she doesn't know where he lives ...
he gets all stressed out when his cell rings ...

And she still doesn't get it! The other day she left him a message " where the hell are you? I prepared dinner for you and you are not here" ... and it is things like this that I do not want to live with ...

Dang Mily,

Can we say "obsession"!!!! I am well aware of the fact that if by some miracle XH & I ever reconciled FOW would most likely start acting a fool again w/o a doubt, unless she had a new victim to torture. U would think that now that I am out of the picture she would be happy but I think that she found out that it was never about her but what she could give him that I couldn't & for that reason she thought he would chose to be with her once I D him - NOT! It is not like he ever told her he wanted to be with her & would if he was no longer with me anyway.

It would be great if the two of u could move away, far far away, no it won't make OC or FOW go away but it sounds as if there needs to be some distance between her & your XH. The best thing about it also is that it would provide some real geniune time for you guys to heal & work on your relationship w/o FOW's interference. The nerve of her to drive by your house, who does she think she is???? She does not own your XH, he is a big boy, can go wherever he pleases & see whoever he pleases. That is soooooo sick. I pray u guys can move, leave her to be a single parent & miserable by herself.

I feel sorry for OC I really do, the child is obviously NOT her first priority. OC's usually never are though are they???

[color:"red"] [/color] Hey!! Ladies,

How's everything with the two of you? OOOPS, I just finished reading your updates didn't I..Oh Well! My life sounds pretty much similar to yours. My H was served and the D is rolling on its way, but we have been closer than we ever have before. Does that sound crazy or what? We don't even speak about the D, yet I have no incling of stopping it. the kids are happy, we spend so much family time until it is ridiculous. He tells me constantly how sorry he is for everything and how I was SOOOOOOO RIIIIGHT about OW/OC situation.

He as far as I know is not in contact with her or OC and does not want to be (So he says). He still has not done any of the things I requested such as DNA, CS, or legal NC order. So I just roll with the punches. I am happy because for once in a long time no I am in complete control of my life.

I just got back from a trip to Europe with three other girlfriends. It was great. I have no clue what will come of the future, but feel that I will be in the exact same boat as you girlies soon. I will be D'd, but dating my X.
We have been getting along well together and I am determined to make this coparenting thing work all the way.
I think he is still going to freak out when the D is final or when we have to face the judge. I know it'll go to trial because he really does not want it so he'll fight until the bitter end.

I just hope that we can keep things smooth like we are doing right now. He really believes that we'll always be together, but like the two of you I can not live with the drama nor will I live a cloudy future because of OW/OC.

I have come to realize during our conversations (WH and I) that he has finally looked into the mirror and sees the damage he has done. Our conversations about the whole situation is so much different from previous ones. He is so saddened when speaking, yet terrified of losing what we have or had a FAMILY!!! HE has never belonged to one and now he faces daily the threat and newness of LOSING ONE!!!
Boy, is that a profound thought or what?

I couldn't imagine losing something that I have always wanting to stupidity on my part. Especially something that I took great pride in having. I was a wife, and mother that supported him in all that he did and provided a great deal for or family. Through it all was faithful and willing to work it out. Where do these guys find women like us? We do not come a dime a dozen!!! And once we are gone it is pretty hard to find another - ????

Enough for now I'll talk to you later..... I better get back to work. I lerk often, but never post really. I don't know hardly anyone anymore and miss you girls drastically. Please don't wait so long to show up!!!

B - I love ya girl!!!
Mily -- DITTO:

Waiting 2 Exhale <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
JT

Hey,
Where are you girls? I know I responded late, but I thought you all would be on more. I miss you girls and need to know what's going on; plus I look forward to your input on what is now my LIFE!!!!

I hope that everything is going well with the two of you and wish you would reply soon. I am trying to keep our thread going, but I can't do it alone -----

So B, Mily, LOG IN!!!

JT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Waiting 2 Exhale, your situation sounds similar to mine in some ways. My H and I will also be divorcing although we've not filed yet. I am pregnant and we are waiting for my baby to be born before we file. We spend more time together now than ever. He is also nicer to me now than ever. Yet, we don't talk about reconcilliation. It is a strange situation.

B, I don't think (and sometimes xH thinks this too) that she cares a lot for OC ... she even told him once that if she knew he was going to be like that, she would have had an abortion <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> that it was not 'fun' for her to spend time with OC without him ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I love my DD with all my heart and the time I spend with her alone for me is quality/treasured time ...

Anyway, he told her a couple of days ago that we were going to move ... of course she didn't took the news well, especially when he told her it was going to be US, not him alone ... We'll see what new games she will be playing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
OW already told him that she wasn't going to let him take OC anymore from her house ... but she did expect me to let DD go there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
xH said no ... good
I feel bad for DD because I do want her to have a relationship with her brother and she has a picture of him and she calls him everyday ... and everynight before going to sleep she includes OC in her list of people ... we pray an 'Our Father' and then I said 'Dear God protect and take care of our family ... and she starts her list ... Mami, Papi, DD, OC ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

JT, you are alive!!!!!


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm just reading your post and except for the part of NC with OC (and the trip to Europe! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />) ... the same here! Even the part about losing his family ... he says 'I lost my family once and I'm not going to let that happen again' ...
and I made him cry this morning ... it was a little LB but he was talking about us and then he said how much he loves DD and how from the first time he saw her he fell in love ... and I couldn't help it ... I just opened my mouth and said 'Do you regret now not touching my belly during the nine months that I carried her?'
At that time he was already with OW, denied the A and we were going to Retrouvaille and the follow-up sessions .... but not even by mistake he touched the belly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ... it is something that always hurt me and made me believe that there was someone else ...
He got tears in his eyes and said how sorry he was for all the hurt he caused me ... it was a bitter-sweet weird moment ...

Anyway, we already have a place for you in the boat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi,

Mily, It is so gooooooood to hear from you. I have missed you girlies. Thanks for the seat in the boat!!!! I need it!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Wow! I know OW must have really freaked when she heard him say that You (all of you) were moving. I don't understand these women, but yes i do. It is never eally about the children it was only about having something to keep their claws into the men (H's)!!!!

What mother would not cerish moment alone or any other moments with her bundle of joy???? I'll tell ya --- A PSYCHO!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I never could understand why these women even have children?

Will talk to you later - Gotta go to work!!

JT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Wife30,

It is good to hear from you as well. What's been going on in your neck of the woods? I think i remember your story pretty well!!

So spill the beans!!!

W2E <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Waiting 2 Exhale, there really have not been any major changes. I am due in 7 weeks, although I've been told they may induce a few weeks early. H and I are getting along pretty well and spend a lot of time together. We've not talked about reconcilliation. I do not think H and OW are seeing each other anymore (although now she's decided she wants to be w/ him again). They do still talk frequently on the phone. H says it is about OC. For the most part I guess you could say I am just waiting until we can file. H and I are getting along very well usually which makes it all a little confusing. I just don't think I can put up w/ the OW and OC situation for the rest of my life. She makes any excuse to call him. If he doesn't want to be w/ her, she uses OC as an excuse to call him. OC fell off the bed, she wants to change OC's daycare, etc...always something. H stands up to her in some ways now. They have a custody agreement made now. He sticks to it. She does not like me watching OC when he works nights on his weekends, but he reminds her I am OC's stepmom, etc... It's all so very confusing!

OH MY GOSH!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> YOU ARE A GOOD ONE!! I don't know if I could ever do that!! Babysit his child of an affair - uhhh NO!!

It is not that I'd even have any ill will toward the child it would just be the fact that this is part of a reason my M is not working. I couldn't look into it's face and not feel such a betrayal. I could not be reminded of that. You are a good woman, I definately could not do it knowing that I am caring his child as well and the fact that this is my H offspring with another woman.

WHEW!!!! I'm telling you if he didn't know it he shoud know that he is going to lose a wonderful woman. Just make sure that they don't stress you out. The antics of some OW will really send you over the deep end, especially when they know you are about to give birth the H's chils as well.

They begin to get territorial - wow and why would they do that with your H?? who knows what enters the minds of some OW???

Just be careful and I wish you much success in the weeks to come.

W2E <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh, she's already been territorial! (w/ H and OC). She is not happy that I am about to have a baby. That's actually the only thing that has kept her from being w/ H. She doesn't want ME in HER life forever. But it was OK for me? OW goes back and forth on whether she wants to be w/ H or not. Right now, I don't think she wants him, but she wants to be sure he's not going to be w/ me either. She's very jealous of me, and feels H has always chosen me over her.I guess her antics have helped, because now H is not sure he wants to be w/ her. (She has another boyfriend she refused to stop seeing.)

I had already begun to form a bond w/ OC prior to me finding out the latest (the A. had cont.) I am able to see OC as an innocent victim in all of this. She will be this baby's sister, and I would like for them to know each other. It bothers OW for me to watch OC much more than it bothers me. OC is precious and very attached to me.

It just amazes me how you are handling this whole thing. I know the pain trust me, but to be pregnant and have my hormones up in the sir during this is something I don't think I could or would want to take on.

Be strong and keep the faith and maybe things will work out. Isn't it funny how they really don't want the H if he doesn't want them however, they definately do not want them to come back to their wives. what kind of thought paterns are those?

Mily and B,

Hey! Where are you girls I had a little shock to my system on yesterday. H finally sent in his response to the petition for divorce and his answers to the questionaire sent to him by attny. Of course he lied. I guess he is going to lie until the very end. I knew that he would do whatever he had to do to protect himself, but why lie when you have been caught with your pants down. It just hurt for him to think that I would be so stupid, but he doesn't know that hard caore proof that I have on him. My attny said he really did me a favor by lying.

He has now proven that he is a consistant liar and it is going to be bad for him in court when these lies come out. There will be no real recourse for him. Hey, guess what he also petitioned for sole and full custody of my babies. this is someone that does not spend any real time with them and has not even kept them alone before - granted they have always been with me.

I was hurt but I expected it to some degree. I need consoling right now so if you girlls would talk to me that'd be great!!!

Why does it take so long for us to reply to one another? we use to talk everday.

If not give me a email addy so we can talk privately......

Love ya,

W2E <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

:-P

Okay, I got it - so you can delete it now!!

JT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey Mily & JT (JWE)

Sorry I have not been around, spent some time in Canada last week with my son, had a good time, he is home now for a couple of weeks then back off to school so I am happy!

Not much at all going on w/ XH, think I am finally moving on, I started a business on the side & that is keeping me pretty busy, just what I needed, so I don't have time to call him or wonder what he's doing, now he is calling me all the time sounding sick & sad cuz I have no time for him & I am not "chasing" him like I was.

JT I know what u mean, for the first time in a long time I feel like I have my life back, it is no longer revolving around XH, FOW & OC. It is so funny, I don't even think he sees OC on a regular basis anymore, but when he was my H & living at home that was his main priority, now all he seems to do is work - gotta pay that CS!!!

I'd like to join in w/ u girls privately my email is Neicy02@hotmail.com

Love u both!!!!!!