Its right though Alph. Its how MB works. We make it impossible for a WS to forget the reasons why they love us.

Even though they only see through peripheral vision, they SEE, as wise Smur says.

Its about consistency. What happens on any one day is less important than your consistency.

Detach a little and you're doing GREAT !

Detach, detach, detach...

Think I'll have to cut short my Plan A, bOb.

Due to WH's drinking.

I am so not ready for Plan B! I had such high hopes for plan A.

But if WH is an alcoholic, I have to change my tactics.

Alph.

Alph

Do you, UNDELUDED and panic free really think your WH may be an alcoholic right now ?

Nobody is certain your H is an alcoholic. Don't worry about things that may not happen.

I am not expert like some of the other folks who posted you, but I know that during her affair Squid wa sdrinking sometimes two bottles of wine per day.

KiwiJ was pissed most of the time when her A was active.

And we both pulled recoveries out of that.

This board is like trying to drink from a hosepipe sometimes. SO much advice and you so desperate.

But you must be the arbiter of what is the right way.

I would "Plan A" until you see how exposure works and take each step as it comes.

I can feel your panic from here Alph, and I really don;t think theres any need yet.

{{{{Alph}}}}

As Woody in Toystory would say: 'It's a perfect time to panic!' but only because I've got the nice Child Support Agency man coming around here this morning.

CSA: Good morning, madam. I need to ask you some questions to make sure this is a genuine broken home so we can screw plenty of money out of your ex-partner.
ME: Sure. Go ahead.
CSA: Are you sure you have children?
ME: Yes!
CSA: And the children are... where, exactly?
ME: At school.
CSA: Hmm. *writes in notebook*. Do you have a partner?
ME: Er, no.
CSA: Hmm. *writes more in notebook* Are you certain?
ME: Yes!
CSA: Would you mind if I checked your cupboards and under your bed?

Perhaps it won't be so bad...

Alph.

See ? Infidelity pollutes everybody it touches.

Your WH's trouser trouble subjects you to the indignity of a scrounger check amongst its 'joys'.

Affairs are [censored]. Absolutely [censored].

Well, as long as the CSA do their job QUICKLY (which they should, as I'm on Income Support, and the entire point of the CSA is to cut down the number of lone parents claiming Income Support) WH will soon be paying me quite a bit of money each month, much more than he can afford.

If this puts pressure on his A, the CSA are welcome to check my cupboards!

Alph.

Hi Alphin,
I just want to say how well you are handling things. I've been on MB website since March but only put in my first "tuppenceworth" yesterday on a different topic. I have been following your posts since day one and think you are doing amazingly well. You are very inspiring. And Wow - what a great sense of humour you have (never let that get foggy)!
Detachment from your H is possible, but understandably difficult for you. And remember, you're not doing it to be mean to him, you're doing it for yourself and the girls - self preservation - you are Number 1.
I hope this message comes across as a "wee cuddle" for you too, cos we all need one of those from time to time and having the MB site to come to these last few months has allowed me to work through a very difficult time.
Another friend (up here in Scotland) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope17

Hope!

Thank you so much for that.

I am honoured that you find me inspiring. That is a great compliment. I must say I don't feel it myself - I seem to have as many wobbles as strong times!

But I'll keep going until I'm sure there's nothing else to do. Someone has to, right?

It's kind of like when WH was still H, and living here. Basically, we are a family of slobs here, none of us have that 'naturally tidy' thing unfortunately. But someone had to tidy up after the chaos, right? Someone had to pick up the dishes, dirty socks, toys... certainly H never did it, so that left yours truly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Same thing with the affair. No-one else is going to clear up this mess. Certainly not WH! So, again, that leaves yours truly.

*pulls on the Marigolds*

Alph

I hope your Marigolds are like Kim and Aggie's with feathers and lace!!

Good luck with the CSA and keep strong (you have incredible strength!).

(((((Alphin)))))

Stupid, &%^"@ CSA didn't turn up!!!

Phoned them; sorry, nothing we can do, you'll have to reschedule.

What kind of $!*# support agency for kids is this?

WH has given us NO MONEY since he left, the three of us have been living on £56.20 a week for over a month, whilst WH and OW sit on over 60K between them...

It's bad enough they don't even give you an appointment - I had to wait in all morning for this guy to come, and he doesn't turn up!!!

GRRR!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alph

Welcome to Britain.....

Alph - I wasn't meaning to rush you into Plan B: I cannot speak confidently on the drinking issue and how it should influence the timing of Plan A, although it makes sense that a quicker Plan B is in order. Pep is the go-to girl on this topic. You make the decision to go to Plan B when you are ready.

Your Holiday Season plans could actually be better NOT in Plan A: if the affair is still on-going, you minimize the drama around you in Plan B OR Plan B adversely affects the affair in the meantime and you have a LOT better holiday. We cannot tell. The wild card at the moment is whether exposure has an impact.

Speaking of exposure, it seems that since you have not reported any feedback from the school or Parent's Association AND your H has not called you ranting and raving about how you've REALLY done it now (by "ruining" everything <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) I'm getting suspicious that your first attempts have fallen on deaf, hypocritical ears. It would not be good if, when Omelette's parents get your letter and pictures, their questioning of Omelette gets answered that the school is aware of everything and "there is no problem here. No problemo"! i.e., the school/church has swept it all under the rug. Don't forget that the scumbag Headmaster wanted to do this from the beginning and he knows you intended to go over his head. Do not underestimate the damage control these people may have taken.

So, what do you think of following up on the letters with some phone calls? Start going up the ladder?

WAT

I agree with WAT, teh school is squishing in hope you will go way.

Time to use some of that fire of yours to press on further.

Board of governors ? Registered post ? Local Church head bloke, whatever you call 'em? Primate ?

WAT,

I am uncertain where to go from here regarding exposure.

I don't know what the next 'rung' of the ladder is. I have the address of the local bishop, but I doubt that would make a difference. I've thought about speaking to the body that funds the school, but I don't know how to contact them.

Perhaps I should start exposing to actual colleagues in the school, rather than the hypocritial school heirachy?

Alph.

The bishop ? I'd send a desperate letter to him saying that if he can'tt help you may be forced to write to the local paper asking for someone who can help.

WATs right of course, the various flavours of churches arent exactly paragons of executed morality, but I STILL have hope sthat you can embarrass a big wig into some action.

Not sure about work collagues.

If you found our would YOU ( before your own sit) have confronted an infidel co-worker or just though " shame, none of my business".

Phone Marrigecare NOW - I bet THEY know how to mobilise the church to help you if it can be done.

BTW,

My mom pointed out that 'boards' of anything, governors, parents associations etc, often need time to discuss things with each other before they contact someone like the head teacher about a problem.

How long might this take, though?

Not being familiar with the organization, I can only suggest some potential routes.

How about the Priest of the Church most closely associated with the school?

Does the school have a web site that might provide organizational information? If so, would you share that here? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WAT

* Alph - I'm a governor and theres one 'major' meeting per term.

* WAT, Marrigecare is a pro-M counselling service in the UK serving all comers but sponsored by the Catlick church.

The folks I spoke to there were ACE!.

bOb,

So it's slow going then with the governors!

I need to speed things up. I'm phoning Marriagecare now.

Alph.

Alph,

Your WH is behaving like an irresponsible jerk!

Actually, maybe you should be glad he is living with the OW, because reality is going to whack him right in the middle of the forehead. I think that you are going about this great. You've got out the big guns all at once... exposure and soon legal jurisdiction on some financial support (hopefully with some back payment) soon. Once faced with day-to-day life with OW, a less than rosy financial situation, and the loss of you, your family and all that you have built up together... his A will just plain not be fun or exciting anymore. You may be in for a long haul here, but once you are set financially, much of the stress will be gone and you can work on you and on detachment.

Hopefully WH will come begging for you to take him back one day. You could make some IC for him or AA a prerequisite for reconciliation.

Hang in the Alph!