Dipi,

You know where I stand on this.

This is solely a Dipi issue. This has nothing to do with your X. Yes, I realize that you must co-parent, but the rest of the crap, the rides, the family dinners, the money. These are easy to solve.

I need a ride.
I'm not your wife.

Let's all go out to eat.
That's what families do, we aren't a family.

I need money.
Go to the bank.

He will call you names, he will "hate" you. And he will not get it.

But your life does not rely upon his getting it. Because he may never.

I know this hurts you and your son, and the only thing that can heal that is time. Waiting for your H to get it and make everything all right may never happen. You HAVE to come to that realization. And I personally don't think you have.

Catering to your XH's whims isn't changing the situation. So, just don't engage him.

HE IS NOT YOUR CONCERN ANYMORE. AND HE MADE IT THAT WAY.

Hope I haven't been too harsh.

Ethan

Furnitureman,

Hey...at first, when I read your post, I was a little offended. The two sides of my conscious popped out on my shoulders.

Devil: Who does he think he is, anyway. How dare he claim this is a DIPI issue???
Angel: He's right.
Devil: I mean the nerve. Walk a day in my shoes, and you will know where this is coming from. To think...sheesh...that he is insinuating that I CHOOSE this tortue with XWH?
Angel: UH-HMMM. Excuse me. HE IS RIGHT.
Devil: I mean, anyone can see you are the victim here. Anyone can see you are just trying to do the Christian thing and continue to serve, turn the other cheek, etc.
Angel: I do not recall any passage of scripture that said, "Thou shalt lie down and be a doormat." Nor did I see anywhere where it said "You shall have pity parties for yourself when you LET people use, manipulate, or abuse you."

Then me, saying, Oh...that...RIGHT.

So, long story short, you are SOOO right! I just wish when it came down to making a choice, when I was in the moment, that I would make the right one...not reflect on it later. I wish I would have said "Wow...sucks to be you dude. Sucks to be the one who is NO LONGER MARRIED TO ME!!!"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Weaver, hey my friend. Your words are too nice. I always felt that way about you too. And I took some time to read your thread (albeit not today), and I am praying for you sister!

Faithfulfollower: I will stop in Idiotville and say "Hey freaks" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Dipi,

I love the way you write. I know you hear it all the time, but it seems like you can paint with your words. I can from time to time, but it just comes and goes on its own. You seem to have mastered it.

You also know that I love you.... (In a completely platonic, MB-approved manner.) We went through a lot of the same crap at the same time, and did our best to raise a weary hand to pat one another on the back, at a really tough time, so what I said was with "love."

I sometimes take for granted how "lucky" I am that I don't have to interact with my XW. All of the choices that I make are based solely upon me and my feelings, so it's easy to protect those. To make the "easy" choice.

Example. I heard through the grapevine on Monday that XW's pet chihuahua died at the age of 11 earlier this month. The dog and I didn't see eye to eye from the beginning, but I grew to love him. In fact shortly after we met, I remember telling XW that the dog would outlast me. I was right, but he had to earn it!!!!!! So I decided to send her a text message. "Sorry about pet. Condolences." I haven't heard back from her, (I don't even know if that is still her cell #), and I really don't care if I hear back. It was "safe" for me.

I guess your stuff by nature is more emotionally charged which can make decision making tough.

I've never heard an "I'm sorry" either. Closest I've gotten is an "I'm sorry you got hurt" after D-Day and "I don't want to always be mad at you" earlier this year after I filed for D. It was then that I realized then that was as close as I can ever expect.

I just want to see you let go. For you. So you can unleash your true, awesome DipiNess on the world, without being collared by a useless X. And I know you'll get there.

Ethan

I think FM is saying the same thing I am. Don't look to ExH for anything. Own it, and then you can solve it. As long as you are pleading for something from him, you are going to be angry and disappointed. If it's "solely a Dipi issue," solutions are at hand.

True Dat to all!

I love you guys (sniff sniff).

DipiT - I used to feel like you. I wanted my WH to tell the truth, admit to causing a tiny bit of the pain in my life. I think it is probably part of grieving and recovery. It was just not in him. What do they say? An elephant doesm't sing, and it eats peanuts - or something like that.

Now I hardly think about him at all, don't care what he is doing, nothing. I'm much happier without him. And we are not even divorced yet - but it has been almost 3 years of this stuff.