Coach,

Like all "players" your Prof has used an age old manipulative technique. Isolate your prey and all the other ancillary principles then make sure all the information gleaned comes through the Prof without corroboration. He appears to have masterfully played everyone except your WW, who didn't need any playing from day one.

You have a two pronged problem. One how to deal with WW(to which you are making the correct legal preparations) and secondly, how to convince your daughter that the rubbish she has been fed by the two lovebirds has no foundation in truth.

Best of luck Coach, my prayers go with you.

JL:

Well, I can't say for sure that I "understand" even remotely what's going on with the DD, but I do know that my own daughter threw me for somewhat of a loop yes2rday when I'd asked her for my W's friend's email. In retrospect, she was right and I was caught up in the drama, although her "rightness" wasn't entirely well thought out. (but it was a lot more sentient than my drama!).

Some things in coach's sitch now make more sense. Sadly, this appears, at "best," 2 be an EA masquerading as a friendship, though it's probably a whole lot more than that, what with the Prof's his2ry and your W's "missing time" recently. Don't be surprised if your DD's been hoodwinked by all this. She may not be as "guilty" as you might think (but I'm only guessing here).

I've been quiet on my thread (and here) last night and 2day because I've been overwhelmed by a tremendous sadness by all that *I've* been through - including, maybe even chiefly due 2 my years of futile hope that we'd be one of the happy 2ples that recover and become stronger for our experiences. I no longer have faith in our ability 2 recover. Compounded by the realization that I don't trust my W, don't have any desire 2 try 2 trust her, and now that she's emailing me daily happy [censored] about what's going on at her OOSP, I realize I'm happy she's there and not here. 2 bad it isn't for the whole summer.

I wish I could believe in MB applied successfully 2 LTAs, but with the notable exception of UsedLongAgo's story, last I heard anyway, I don't know of any that really recovered 2 thrive.

Problem is that I'm losing my desire 2 try.

-ol' 2long

(((coach)))

I think you did very well today. Sometimes I wonder if the whole world is insane and only a couple of people are actually not blind or deaf.

The response of your DD, the Prof's DD is so much like my father's once I exposed his latest tirade of love letters to his lover.

Suddenly my brother and I were insane people making a mess of everybody's lives, we had taken everything out of proportion, yadda yadda yadda.

Load of bull that's what that is.

Keep safe tonight and in the days to come, you'll be in our thoughts.

I was thinking the same thing. Wow, coach you are doing the right thing IMHO.

Dude. Your story is riveting. I am pulling for you! Hang in there.

Wow Coach,

Well, I'm glad you've got the essense of the thing now, even if not quite all the way to the bottom of it, and it's about what was expected.

As for the Prof, I'm guessing that he's a very charming guy - and figured out a long time ago (when she was an innocent child) how to play his daughter against his wife - and having secured his daughter in his corner, has used her for his various schemes for years - all the while remaining in her eyes almost god-like in his glory. If she ever realizes the truth it will be a great shock to her.

Since you're not a snake like him, you didn't get the same result out of yours.

As someone else wrote, your DD may be more innocent than you think. She's got two maniplo-charmers working on her (her Mom and the Prof) - and the Prof's daughter makes three. She's been outnumbered by the morally south-seekers and gotten her compass switched around too. But, good man, if you are gentle, patient and fair with her, she may end up seeing the light before all is said and done. In the worst case, she'll figure it out in 10 or 15 years - but God forbid that she follow in her mother's footsteps.

Have you called back the groom's family with the information that you have gleened? It might be interesting to hear their take on it - given the testimony of the Prof's wife - and the cell phone records.

Now about that police report...

-AD

Coach-
Your decision, imho, is the right one for you to take. She's been overly maliscious, abusive, and, now you know, deceptive for months.

Get a bulldog lawyer because I have a feeling you are going to need one.

police report, police report, police report...

Why would your daughter think of you this way?

Oh, I can answer that one for Coach. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
(he can correct me if I'm wrong)

Coach's DD thinks her Mom is completely innocent - that the Prof is a good, wise and platonic friend - and a valuable friend at that. So, since Coach's phone calls and accusations introduced the "ridiculous" (in DD's mind) idea that Prof and Mom were doing something inappropriate, all the uproar was obviously Coache's fault. And his accusation was a result, as he says, of what, in the context of DD's presumption of Mom's innocence, must look like Coach's "childish fears".

-AD

How can be so sure? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hm... Why "you are so wrong, Dad" wouldn't be sufficient...?
Why were Insecure and Selfish chosen at all?

What I mean - you can be right, and also opposite - we'll never? know... just looking at one side of the story...

I read here so many 'scenarios', and every one can be right, and every one can be wrong... (most hope his daughter is not lover of Prof though) but being just on the side of a writer can damage that person (their existing relationships and - their future actions!) more then we might possibly imagine, if on the wrong track...
So, anyone can be sure in anything nowadays, by just reading some letters?
And, no healing/improvement/rebuilding if we don't look at ourselves the way we REALLY are, then change what should be changed...

Eh B2M,

I'm getting too fuzzy-headed to follow.

Sorry. I missed the subtle point of your Q.

Wasn't my business to answer for Coach anyway.

Sorry again.

This is childlish, and selfish...


And this is - insecurity... 'he could invade MY territory too'...

That's OK (& thank you for your post)
My 'question' is actually an answer itself - we can never be sure we know REAL story, just one side of it... can't we?

No one c/b sure. Our outlook can change as we are 'enlightened'. Hm.... but the path Coach has taken seems to be pushing more buttons than getting answers.

What makes the red flags go up is WHY, WHY does Coach's daughter, Prof's daughter in addition to the WS so riled up with the Prof's reputation when the Prof and Prof's W already know full well what the Prof is capable of? C/b that the Prof is just real good at making himself look like a KISA and victim at the same time. Think he has pulled this stunt before? Hm..... more pondering.

Coach, you gotta take the high road on this one. We want you happy and healthy, ya hear? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> The more chaos you throw their way, the more the A or As w/b stirred up.

Scary piece is that your daughter is now resorting to threats to keep you in 'control'. Hm.... what kind of wife is your new son-in-law getting? His parents need to wonder.

So the Prof is playing the role of you out west? hm..... now with you, her fiance's family, why would she need another relative telling her what t/d? More Hm......

Ok, go find out the truth so I can stop wondering. I am getting those frown lines on my foreheard and I don't need them there. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

What is it about the Prof that you do know (besides the slimy stuff)? We got some MBers out that way ya know.


take care,
L.

If I may summarize...

- WW has overnight "lost" time with a KNOWN philanderer (as confirmed by his W).

- Why would a KNOWN philanderer "waste" his time and energy on a woman that he didn't have "plans" to "meet" with?

- WW lied to you about who she was with

- WW's cell phone has NUMEROUS calls to/from this KNOWN philanderer.

- Men and women are NOTORIOUS for not being able to maintain non-sexual REAL friendships. Some can, but most cannot.

- Their continued contact is an intimacy OUTSIDE the marriage...if their "friendship" was TRULY "harmless", why didn't you know about it?

- At NO time has WW tried to tell you the REAL story about what happened...if, in fact, it was truly "platonic".

You have everything you need, short of coital pictures, to prove that there was, AT LEAST, an EA and more than likely a PA for a time period LONGER than you thought!

Perhaps in a period of time, your D can come to see the REAL truth about this...

SOmeone had mentioned the POSSIBILITY of your D ALSO having an A with the Prof...what do you think? I sincerely hope it is not true.

If so, her future H needs to know about it...if he doesn't suspect something already.

Your story REALLY convinces me NOT to get back with STBXW...that character flaw of serial adultery is TOO high a mountain for most to overcome.

Should she "get better", I will remember your story before I even THINK about opening myself up to that again. I could really see myself in your shoes in seven years.

Be well Coach...keep writing...

WNB

Good summary, WHnowBS.

I had this awful thought of the Prof walking DD down the isle.

How could she actually be thinking that having the Prof at her wedding is still okay at the expense of her Dad's presence. How warped it that? No matter how innocent she thinks the friendship is between her mom and the Prof. If her Dad is footing the bill he should have a say in someone being uninvited for whatever reason.

So, if you don't go to the wedding...what will that do to your future R with your D? What a mess. I think you need to have a talk with your future son in law to tell this from your point of view.

Maybe these are minor points in this big mess.

Surely, we can't be the crazy ones in the world?

B2M, could you hold off on the disrespectful judgements [which I think are wrong] for the time being? I think coach has enough on his hands without your sermonizing, and wrongheaded, judgements. Thanks.

Coach

there has been so much said here I really dont feel I have the exact experience to help you.,,haven't read it all either.

I remember the honest straight forward words you spoke to me a long time ago that helped me put things in perspective so if all I can is be a soundng board for you go ahead.

I'm not going to try to tell you what to do other than be the one who maintains the high ground because even if you walk away you need to feel good inside yourself. As hard as that may be.

You have my best wishes Coach.

JL ... you read my mind!

Pep