Hang tough...IF your suspicions are true (I suspect they are), your PI will have some evidence for you in short order. Once the cover is blown of their deceitful R, your painful journey is only beginning.

You HAVE to keep up the "happy face" and not show your cards to H or OW...YET!

If you must vent...vent here...it's a great place for that.

Don't leave any telltale sign of your "snooping"...cover your tracks.

How are you doing? Now is the time to be good to YOU!! treat yourself to whatever tickles your fancy...that DOESN"T involve Chippendales! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WWNB

oh let her have the clydesdales...oh, i mean, chippendales....same thing though

Thanks you all are great. I can finally eat again and I slept pretty good last night. Lost 6 lbs though this week. I'm feeling stronger and you all are wonderful. H just called. He's coming home, I've got to go. Be back tomorrow. Thank you.

Hi Michelle-
I'm the wife of an active duty Navy cop.

Just wanted to tell you that your hiring a PI was a brilliant move that many of us wish we could have afforded. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Let the PI do the work, act as graceful and natural as you can, and it will be better for you in the long run.

I think its great you are gathering evidence- it doesn;t allow them to gaslight you further.

Good luck.

My WH's 2nd affair was with a 2003 HS graduate and airforce recruit at Whiteman AFC. I actually found out her info on classmates.com and then went to the Whiteman AFC website to find her commanding officer. I wrote the following letters regarding her behavior and I guess she was disciplined but nothing really became of it.

This is an extremely hard letter for me to write but I was encouraged by friend and navy officer X to report unclassy behavior by one of your recruits. OW, a 2003 recruit, met my husband by exposing herself online with her webcam and consequently engaged in an affair with him that has lead to the unwanted dissolution of my 4 year marriage to WH. She has flown out to San Diego to meet WH on several occasions where they have engaged in sexual behaviors with one another in a hotel room and also accepted many gifts from my husband. I know my husband is at fault in this case but adultery is not behavior that supports the ethical code I believe the US Military stands by. Furthermore, I am not sure how she is exposing herself online with her webcam but flirting with strange men and consequently engaging in sexual affairs with married men is just plain wrong. I am under the impression that she has potentially quit Whiteman Air Force to pursue a career in the army reserves and is conveniently flying out to San Diego where myself and my husband reside. I am not sure I am contacting the right person on this matter but I'd appreciate appropriate disciplinary action be taken on this matter. I have talked to OW and told her to please respect herself, myself, my husband, and our marriage by staying out of our lives at least until anything is finalized with our marriage and/or divorce; she has proceeded to ignore my request. I am not only worried about her career but also her wellbeing as my husband is not in a mentally sound place right now and also needs professional help.

Sincerely,

Dear Major X,

Thanks for your timely response. It was a hard step for me to take with respect to reporting OW but I grew up in a family that truly values what marriage entails and I needed to stand up for what was morally right. Society today seems to have devalued the true meaning of love and marriage which is why there are increasing statistics showing not only infidelity within marriage but also outsiders crossing over that marriage boundary and violating families and triggering an epidemic of divorce. Hopefully by enforcing the law in such cases, there will at least be a slow improvement with respect to this matter and the value of "family" and "marriage" will be rebuilt on a stronger foundation. I am sure OW has a bright future ahead of her with respect to her career and I can only hope that in the future, she shows the same kind of passion towards family and respects how important marriage/love really is.

Sincerely,



OW is no longer active duty and upon "almost" getting kicked in military jail, I not only received threatening words from WH and my MIL but it also seemingly brought the two of them closer as she now lives with WH 1/4 mile down the street from me and 2000 miles from her airforce academy. I am sure there are harsher consequences pending on who the commanding officer is and if the person has previous offenses. I felt like I had nothing to lose and that it was my duty to report the disgusting behavior as I sure as hell don't want to be paying taxes on nor seeing our country represented by such trash.

At the very least, report the OW to her commanding officer.

Hi. I am a military paralegal, and have been in the service for 8 years now. What you have been told is entirely UNTRUE. For the officer to be brought up on charges, three elements must be proven:

(1) That the accused wrongfully had sexual intercourse with a certain person;

(2) That, at the time, the accused or the other person was married to someone else; and

(3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

Element two is easy to prove, but you are going to have a hard time with one and three, and three is usually the reason why the military doesn't get involved. If the officer's 'lover' was not a military member or employee, it's unlikely that the military will prosecute.

In this case, based on the very few details you have given, the military is not going to get involved. If they do go after her, she's not going to be brought up on felony charges, she'll receive an administrative punishment under article 134 of the UCMJ. Punishment would not involve being moved across the country (wth??), but it could result in forfeiture of pay or reduction in rank. But I wouldn't count on that.

Hey, believer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Please read my above post. The military doesn't usually intervene in these situations unless certain requirments are met. Hope my post helped. I may not be able to help save any marriages, but legal issues in the military is one thing I *can* help with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Not hardly. Please check your facts before you go around touting them as "gospel." Thanks.

P.S. For future reference, it's "Court Martial." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[quote
In this case, based on the very few details you have given, the military is not going to get involved. If they do go after her, she's not going to be brought up on felony charges, she'll receive an administrative punishment under article 134 of the UCMJ. Punishment would not involve being moved across the country (wth??), but it could result in forfeiture of pay or reduction in rank. But I wouldn't count on that. [/quote]


I think he is right. In this case, the military will likely not take legal action. However.....I would still call the commander of OW. Raise a stink. Even if official action is not taken, she will certainly get called in and talked too. More importantly thought, reveal the A to her spouse.
Michael

Peachy,

What was untrue about requiring proof of the A that passes legal scrutiny?

What was untrue about my assertions that, if there IS proof, the LCDR OW will more than likely receive punishment under Article 15 unless there are EXTREME circumstances?

WRT to the effect on "good order and discipline", that is a BROAD category...my OW, then W, then WW, now STBXW, and I were in separate units, both enlisted (I was an E-6, she was an E-5), both M'ed to other people, yet we breached "good order and discipline? How so? Very vague and BROAD discretion in it.

It is my belief and experience that IF (BIG IF) the first two of your listed criteria are legally met AND an indignant spouse is presenting this evidence to OW's CO, he she will investigate and take action, if the evidence meets standard.

If the CO is foolish enough NOT to do so AND you have good EVIDENCE, I would contact the local paper and see if they are interested in your story. The military is loathe to have any bad press regarding sexual misconduct.

Again, the EVIDENCE is KEY!

Having been on the receiving end of this process, when faced with court-martial (again, the evidence is crucial), accepting punishment under Article 15 is far more palatable. Unlike enlisted, who can recover from an Article 15 (I retired as an E-7), officers may not be able to recover a career post-Article 15.

What I am curious about is this...do JAG's bluff? If the evidence doesn't quite meet standard, will the JAG have the CO offer Article 15 punishment, hoping the accused will take it in lieu of court-martial? I MIGHT have been able to weather a court-martial, but I knew I was guilty and the RISK was WAY too high!

Any insight on that?

I know that proving sexual intercourse would be nearly impossible. How could you really get that? A picture of them naked together? But that doesn't prove it either, really. The OW is 3rd in command at her work. And most people ,men, I mean, won't give her a hard time over anything. So I would suspect that if I called the CO up that they would try to cover it up and let it go.
The PI said that a civilian judge doesn't need pictures of them "together" just hard circumstantial evidence. But it has to be on 2 separate occasions.
Peachy, I can give you other detals if you want. She is a dentist in the Coast Guard. Does that help?

Michele,

My 20 years experience with the Navy tells me contacting the CO WILL NOT end her career, but should stop any further contact, especially when you explain to the C.O. you have the evidence, and if any further contact is noted you will expose this situation to anyone who wants to listen. Adding the warning you are posting to the Commanding Officer. You may also want to ask the C.O. a simple question like "who do you answer to, and how can I contact them?" I can assure you he or she will not want this information to get up the chain of command. This will tie his or her hands into taking action. at least ensuring the affair will not continue.

If they do communicate via Email, I would also install a key logger before you leave town. Then you will be able to view all communication when you return.

Keep in mind how bad it makes the CO look if he or she has a LCDR acting this way. Especially after a warning has been issued. If it comes down to it and you do talk to the CO, say via phone conversation, record it, and let them know you are recording the conversation.

Michele,

Did you get a chance to read that thread link I sent you? Again should give you some great advice and info on what to expect.

Yes I will when it comes to that.I'd like to put a spyware on my computer at home. However we are both computer savy and we run all the spyware stuff on the computer all the time. Scan it frequently. I saw a spyware named spector that said the antispyware would not pick it up. Does anyone know of this or one that is better. I've got Mcafee, adaware, spybot, spyblaster, etc. running on this computer. I'm afraid it would show up somewhere. He also has his own laptop. I can't get to.I have a feeling he has another email account I don't know. I can see him log in at work than log into the office account and then log back in to his personal one. He's on my contact list and so is the office. He just did it a minute ago. I will go to radio shack and see about that phone tap thing. I may even get a digital recorder to stick under his seat in his truck. That's where he basically calls her from. Has anyone tried them before. Thanks for any help. I want to get as much evidence along with the PI's. This has got to get over soon. I'm getting that bad stomach again.

You can buy a keylogger component that plugs in between your CPU and your keyboard cable. Spyware won't pick it up and unless you're looking for it, you'd never see it. My friend has one and thinks it works very well. I think she has
KeyGhost.

Dobie

I will look into that one. I need it real soon. I'm heading out next week. He'll probably keep his laptop at work knowing he can use mine without me here. Thanks for your help. I'll check back later.

Any Spy software can be located if your search software is looking for the correct registry entries.

External's work great, and will only be found if someone is specifically looking for it connected to the back of the computer.

Bugging the car with digial recorder, will work for a day or so before the AAA batteries die.

A few points.

Peachy - regarding "proof" of sexual intercourse should not be discussed as if you need pictures or a witness seeing them in the act. Depending on the legal standard that the military applies (I honestly don't know what it is) the evidence could be entirely circumstantial and only need be a preponderance - more likely than not. In non-military settings this can be merely predisposition and opportunity . e.g., e-mails showing desire for hanky panky and a picture of them together in a hotel parking lot.

The test of "prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces" seems to be easily met. Given the likelihood that this officer has some sort of security clearance, and that a normallly applied criteria for granting a security cleaerance is a determination that the person is trustworthy and reliable, it seems that a reasonable conclusion can be made that any such clearance should be questioned. As a taxpayer, I do not want a known liar and a cheat helping to defend my country. It brings discredit upon the armed forces to me. I'll be stopping by the Pentagon on my way home today and would like to hear an explanation of why such actions of an officer should be concluded to be anythng BUT bringing discredit upon the armed forces.

Michelle - independent of taking this up the chain in the military, do you know how to contact this skank's husband? No need to worry about hypocritical protocol there.

WAT - You are correct, but OW's actions already tell us what she thinks of her husband.

If Michele really wants to make an impact here, exposing to OW's Chain of Command will result in a
non-emotional "This will not be tolerated OR ELSE" response that the OW will certianly heed.

Not to say that the OWH wouldn't expose to COC for you!