I just wanted all you new just found outers to know that being in your position a while back ago, I understand all the pain, heartache, and confusion that you are all in. I know the pain all too well. I am sorry you are all going through this.

But I do want to mention to all of you. Not that an affair is planned by God, But I do think things happen for a reason. It is the end result that proves the out come of the affair. For me, as it took me 2 years to figure it out, it was a wake up call for me. I have learned so much from about myself that I never knew that this part of me ever existed inside of me. I realized who I am and what my values are. Before WS affair? I was walking around trying to be someone who I wasn't. Trying to please a person who doesn't love himself and that was like bouncing a ball of a wall. No matter how much I gave to this man, it came back to me. He was unfufilled because he couldn't love himself!!!

As much as the affair hurts. Please realize that it is not YOU that is at fault but your WS. Issues within themselves is the key to their affairs.

What ever you decide to do with your marriage, in my case I am going through a divorce, it will get better. I know that for sure. I never thought I was as strong as I am. Who knew I was capable of healing through the worst humilination in my life? What an eye opener. I actually thanked my husband for his A. Because if he didn't cheat, I would have been cheating myself out of my own happiness.

Please know that because I am over the pain that he had caused me, I am scared. This is knew for me. I am traveling down a road that I have never experienced and I am taking my two kids with me. But on the upside. I can feel free again. I can finally be me!

Please look to the future and don't look back. Think about what you need from yourself, not from your WS and work on you first. Get a good therapist and us this terriable time for you to make yourself a bigger better person!

Good luck to you all. I wish you all the best on this hurtful journey..

Ali~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Wow Ali! Thank you for posting this uplifting message. I am sorry you are getting divorced, but I agree with you that we learn a lot about ourselves when we are faced with such a huge crisis.

In my case, it was my H who had issues that caused him to not feel loved despite all I did for him. Fortunately, he agreed to serious counceling and realizes HE is the one with the issue. We are in recovery...hard, but working most of the time.

God bless you and good luck and I know the Lord has big plans for you!
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Great msg, I really think there is a plan for me, and for her. I really hate to see her in so much pain, but she has been in pain for so long. She needs to heal and find herself even though now I am the bad guy who caused all the problems; I am not without fault, but I really believe the concepts in this site. They are super. I dream of a relationship with the kind of cooperation and acceptance found in the concepts in this site. More to follow.

Hi DogDad!

The big difference between you and my STBX is that my husband never ever helped me through the pain and suffering that he had caused from his A. At least YOU are responsible for your actions and that is a great sign that you want to work on it.

I don't know your story because I have moved on to the Divorce side of MB but...continue to stay with her and be there every moment when she needs you. There are success stories from A's but people rarely take full responsibility for their actions and don't take a look deep with in themselves. It is so important to take a look at yourself and her too (gulp) to find out why it happened. You will learn and so will she as painful as it is.

Again, I believe things happen for a reason. Either it is our inner self that is crying and trying to change something or pure selfishness. Either way, what will be will be! I just hated being in that rut and it was very painful but a long learned journey!!! There is light! TRUST ME!!!

Ali~

You are getting there girl..A year or two ago we never would have thought we could/would get thru this- yet you and I have come sooooo far..I was so weak, fragile, in love w/WH now I pity him..I see his weakness so clearly and I feel bad for him - but, I no longer feel the need to "fix it anymore"..It takes time for it all to "sink in" and when it does ..Look out WS..we are on the mend...

Did you file yet???

Is your WH still living w/you?

Hugs

Yeah, unfortunately he is still here WHICH wasn't the agreement. But this is marital property and he will not leave. I cannot leave until the house sells because I cannot afford to live without CS. But I am almost tempted to pack up and move with my parents for a while. Yes, I have filed. But I did not have him served yet. He will be very vindictive towards me and until the house sells I have know idea what else he is capable of doing to me. He will jeopardized my happiness and will use the kids against me to keep me a prisoner in my own home. He did mention this to me and I mentioned back if I have to get a court order to make him spend time with his kids...later on they will hate him knowing that a judge made him spend time with them. He knows that I have filed but he just "doesn't get it"? Make sense? He is living a life in a bubble because he just doens't want to face it. But he did tell me that he screwed up and realized all the crap that he has put me through the last 8 years. Before the affair. What I stated above it sooo true. If he didn't have that affair? I would be cheating myself out entirely.

I am so freaking scared right now. I hate fear. I like to know what is ahead of me. I guess it is all the anticipation that freaks me out. What I know is that it will somehow all fall into place. Somehow.

So hurt, how are you? I haven't heard from you in awhile.
Hanging out in the barn? I have been. Me and my friend was in her barn just gabbing for three hours. It was great. We are going through some of the same fear issues but the nice this is that she has a good marriage. I am headed over to the barn in a little bit and give the horses a bath. Hey I am riding western! Ouch!!! I was working the mare english while riding western. It was kinda weird because I couldn't get my leg right. Well duhhhh. LOL!

I just want this over with and the only thing left is this house. I have several job leads too! YAY!!! But I am kinda of bummed to have to put my kids with a sitter.

Alright, let me know how you are doing?

Take care,

Ali~