<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I know. I know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The good part is you do know he cares about you. I also noticed you said you are from a Christian faith and so there is someone else who cares about you too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is there anything I can do between now and my counseling appointment (July 5) to keep me out of trouble?

secret:

You should get yourself a copy of "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley and available from the home page (though I found it pretty easily in a local bookstore). At this stage, it's probably better for your H 2 find you reading THAT than "Surviving An Affair", though that book deals with infidelity - including the kind you're involved in - in much greater detail.

HNHN is a good outline form with a broader focus on building a healthy marriage.

I agree with Chris, if your counselor does NOT advocate telling your H about your problems, you should immediately find another counselor. Consider marriage coaching by one of the Harleys (again, you can find them on the home page). They are costly, but they do phone counseling, and are very efficient at it. In the long haul, they're a bargain when you consider the alternatives - slogging through this alone, possibly being miserable for an extended period of time, possibly divorced.

I sincerely hope your definition of "sex" isn't similar 2 our former president's definition. In any case, any kind of romantic physical contact with someone other than your H is inappropriate, whether you define it as "sexual" or not.

best,
-ol' 2long

I just don't understand why my husband needs to know. He will surely leave me. I have a better chance at keeping this marriage together if I keep my mouth shut.


For the record, I have not had any type of sex with any person outside of my marriage. Things have happened that have almost led up to sex (I don't want to go into specifics) but it has never happened....yet. That is why I am here. I have come too close. I am afraid to even go outside my home anymore. Though I have not had any type of sex outside my marriage, I still consider what I have done cheating.

You ARE going out with your husband, correct?
You are NOT going out with girlfriends to places where you know and possibly have in the past gotten into "trouble", correct?

Hi Secret.

You say you've suffered from Anorexia, as well as a host of other addicitons. . .

Are you totally free from it?

I've been on that road, too, Hon, and it sucks. 13 years of sucks, LOL, though I have not had a bout with Bulimia in 10 at least. Anorexia, and the need to be "good enough" is an incredibly strong pull for some people (me included) and I am ashamed to admit I still struggle with it to a point where I am either way thin, or overweight in my efforts. Where are you in your Recovery from your Eating Disorder?

Although I was fortunate to not have many of the other addicitons accompanying my Ana, in group therapy I learned that for most people other addicitions was standard fare. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex (in the form of affairs or one night stands), compulsive spending, etc are all pretty common. Seems like Affairs are still your weakness. Have you conquered the others you were plagued with?

I am inclined to agree with TRA here and say that your situation is somewhat different from most Affair scenerios here, in that your affair is not necessarily a symptom of something else going on in your marriage (needs not being met, etc) but unresolved issues on your part. Does this sound right, and make sense?

As for affirmations and such to help "keep you straight" before your appt. . . I don't know of any MB ones. Most of the affirmations I recall were for addiciton situations (and which you too are probably familiar with, if you were hospitalized with Ana and fed the typical 12-step stuff I was), which isn't as common as you'd think on this board. But I will give you a personal one of mine, that I meditate on and helps me thru the day when my Demons are nipping & biting. . .


[color:"purple"] I believe that I am always divinely guided,
I believe that I will always take the right turn in the road,
I believe that God will make a way where there [b]is no way.[/color][/b]


I don't recall where I had heard that but it has helped me on more than a few occassions.


You can do this, Secret. Hold tight and check in with us when you are feeling weak. . . we can keep you accountable!


StillLovingHim

Things to keep you out of trouble:

Avoid places where you know you have previously been tempted.

Don't allow yourself to be in situations alone with men.

Try to understand what feelings drive you to seeking out someone and when those feelings are present call a friend to call about the feelings.

Have a backup plan for those moments of weakness, like calling a friend, calling the husband, something that will keep you accountable.

Pray about your problems and ask for peace about them.




Those are some that you can start with.

Here is a web resource you can take a look at. It's a web site http://www.celebraterecovery.com which is a Christian based addiction program hosted at churched for various additions, not just a single one. It might be something worth looking at. It includes food additions, drug addictions, etc.....

My husband doesn't drink and has no interest in going to the bars. I have no girlfriends. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have gained 10 pounds since my lowest and am nearing my healthy weight. I still take diet pills and watch what I eat. But for the most part, I think I'm pretty far in recovery considering where I've been.


Yes that does make sense...a lot of sense. Thank you.


I will write these down. Thank you so much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When you call a "friend" for help, it needs to be a female friend.

Wow. Thank you so much. I think I'm going to print off this entire thread. I need as much help as I can get. I think I will go some place different tonight. And if temptation strikes, I will leave. I will.

Unfortunately, I have no friends.

Can I ask why do you feel that you have no friends?

I've never really be a "friends" kind of person. I've always been a very independent person in that regard. My only friend is my husband, and he is my BEST friend.

So I made some progress today....I burned that guy's phone number. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hello,

Clearly you love your husband although I find it strange that you don't plan to spend the evening of your birthday with your husband. Maybe the next time you have the urge to do something bad maybe you should ask yourself the following:
How would I feel if my husband was doing to me what I am doing to him? Your husband loves and respects you and made a commitment to you and married you. Why would you wish to disrespect and humiliate a man and a husband who loves you so much? Again how would you feel if your husband was doing these things to you? Please think about these questions when you feel weak. Do you wish your husband to leave the marriage and find someone else? If you do then continue what you are doing and it will surely happen. The choice is yours. I wish you luck.

I am going out tonight and spending tomorrow (my birthday) with my husband. I know what I've done is wrong and I'm trying to fix it. Do I want my husband to hurt? Do I want to humiliate and disrespect him? Most of all, do I want to breach the vow I made to God? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I am here and have made an appointment with a counselor because I care. Because I love him so much. Because he doesn't deserve this.

Hey, I'm proud of you for burning the number! I use to have emails with numbers that I would delete, restore, delete, restore...you get the picture.

I needed to see your answer on friends because I suspected you would say what you did. It tends to be a common answer when people are dealing with this type of issue.

I know what you're thinking...and you're probably right. I can get away with more when I don't have any friends. So true. How ugly I am.