Hi,

I'm posting right now because I'm trying to figure out what exactly I am doing with my life right now, and how I'm going to move on with things.

Three weeks ago, my wife, who I married when I was 18, as was she, left me. When we married, we had never been happier in our lives - it was a match made in heaven, I've never met anyone like her before in my life. The love we shared for the first year of our marriage was the magic made in movies alone - everything was perfect. We were completely and utterly in love, we would gladly die for one another. Everynight we shared an intimacy unrivaled by anything I've ever witnessed or heard of - I was the luckiest man alive.

Then, things began to change. All of a sudden, the girl who had told me that I was her soulmate, and that she couldn't wait to spend eternity together was telling me that she didn't know if things were going to work. The same girl who told me that she couldn't live life without me in hers, and that I completed her was telling me that she didn't know if she loved me anymore. Then, a mere month after trying for our first child, and confessing her undying love for me; proclaiming that she was the happiest girl in the world, she left me to go to her mom's house. Three days later she told me that there was nothing I could do to make her love me again like she used to and that things would never be the same.

Over the past three weeks she has not called me once - her emails went from huge essays to small sentences. She stopped signing them "love" and every message I have gotten from her sense is completely void of emotion. She expresses no need nor want to actually contact me; it seems as if she does it out of necessity and not because she wants to. She has ended her last three messages with an unemotional "I hope all is well."

I've told her that e-mail is incredibly impersonal and that if shes going to be away from me, we need to at least talk on the phone. She expresses no desire to see me in person, and when I told her that not being with her was the hardest thing I've ever been through, she simply said, "Its not that bad".

The betrayal that I'm feeling inside hurts so incredibly bad, I don't know what to do. I don't understand how someone's emotions over the course of a week can go from being hopeful that problems are going to get fixed into complete emotional seclusion. I could never treat her the way she's treating me, not even if I tried to, or if I was completely pissed or angry. I don't understand how a love so incredibly strong that I used to see in her just disappeared off the face of the Earth like the last two years have meant nothing.

I know that its impossible to put this issue into perspective, especially because no words will ever express how strong our love for each other was, but I find myself lost every morning I wake up, wondering what in the hell I'm supposed to do with myself.

I want more than anything to let her go, and I'm trying to hard to - but I think the thing that is hurting more than anything is the fact that I had the girl of my dreams take back everything we ever promised together when we got married. Its like shes taking our dreams, our hopes, our love and somehow (which I'll never understand how) is just locking it away in some box that only she has the key to.

I want to go out and have fun, and I want to go see friends; but it seems as if nothing I do takes away the hurt and the betrayal. I've never felt so incredibly empty in my life before, and I don't know how or what I'm supposed to do about this situation. She wants to get together soon to talk about how we're going to go about divorce or whatever it is that she wants to do - but I don't know how I'm supposed to, or am going to be able to act around her when I see her. She acts like nothing is wrong when she emails me, and hse seems completely void of heartbreak, whereas I'm the biggest wreck I've ever been in my life.

What am I supposed to do? How do I move on? How do I tell her that I can't simply sit around and be her friend; how can she just discard all of this like it never meant anything; because I know at one point she loved me more than life itself - how can she ignore what we shared together? Times that she herself proclaimed as the best moments of her life?

I'm sorry you are here.

Check the site out, there is a lot of good info. Also, I hate to ask, but do you think there might be someone else? If so the General Questions II board is very useful.

Hi Fox----sorry you are going thru so much pain. Your question is a hard one cause it is so hard to know the motives of the heart. You will, unfortunately, have to spend time learning about yourself and trying to unearth the truth (if it is can be seen at all). It will not be easy but you will be able to find out what you should do.

The pain is unbearable at first but when you work through it, letting yourself feel the pain, face it and find some direction and answers for yourself, the pain will be less and less (very slowly). It is very normal to be in such pain when you have experienced such a loss....

I also wondered if your wife was having an affair because her actions are so irrational and fit the pattern of a WS. Or my other thought was what is the maturity level of your wife? How old is she?

Read the articles, get all the support you can and fight with everything in you to stay on top of the pain......You many never know what has happended to your wife but you need to learn what you need to do to recover from this and come out of it a better person. YOU WILL SURVIVE.

TW