Hello everyone,

Just looking for some advice. My H was the one who had the A its was a 2 month PA with a co worker sex happened 5 times.D day was at X-mas 2004. He did;nt tell me the whole truth. It took five months to find out it was P.I think this is why i am having a hard time.He says he could'nt hurt me anymore than he has already. He did get a new job. He is doing so much for me.He has given up so much for me. He was in to music. He sings and plays guitar. This was something he did everyday. Now he don't do it cause it takes time from us. He does so much around the house. We do sop mush as a family. He use to watch tv or be on the computer all the time.I can't even says he does that a hour a week. Everything is about us.WE were never able to talk openly. WE now do. before we hardly said i love you. Thats all i hear.He is trying everything to make me happy. He has giving up so much for us.He realized what a mistake he had made and now knows what he could of lost.He is showing me so much in both actions and in words.He will not let me take any blame for what he did.He just gave in to somebody who kept telling him it would be fun not to be caught.somebody who told him sob stories that wer'nt even true.

This is my problem how to you wake up and say the past is in the past. Start living for the future. He wants to make me happy.He loves me. I know and he knows we kept are feelings locked up for so long. That there is such a great love to share.

Why am i letting this other person win? I want her to go away. She means nothing to any of us.

Any advice,
LL

this i can help you with and it will take you time it is a hard thing to recover from. an a is the most tramatic event imaginable. but focus on your own self worth. if he is doing what you say he is genuine in his stead fastness for your relationship. remember that she the ow is a symptom of a problem in the relationship. forget about her she is not important. she is a fly in the ointment. just pick it out. you know the truth and now you have to give it time and remember that he choose you and family.not her and what ever. let him know how you are feeling try some counseling on you own read the books here and the articles they really help believe me i am now focused for my fight to win my husband back over to the light. you have already won the battle just focus on the clean up from the after math. i hope this helped

thanks,
to tell you the truth i did'nt have to win. We both wanted the same thing but did'nt know how to express it until it was to late.I say the OW is a fly on the wall i should of killed along time ago. thanks LL

Hi~

My situation is the same. My W had the affair. We are now reconciling. We both kept our feelings locked specially her. She had lost her feeling for me over the last 2 years and I never new about this. Now it's where I'm going through terrible resentment of being betrayed. Now my W shows more affection and tells me "I Love U" more then before. I just think it's a way for them to not feel guilty. If they truly loved you then the incident would not occur in the firs place. The best advice I can give you is that if you love your H and want to be him even after all the hurt then the only way to do it is be patient. Time will be the only healer. From what you are saying you H is really working towards making it work. Let your self be in those good moments with him and enjoy it. I know it's not easy to forget. I'm in a situation where my W wants to be freinds with the person she had the A with at the same time she shows me more affection then I ever got from her. I'm being patient and level headed and see what time brings up. You should be happy that your H is not talking to the other person. If that's the case then you will definitly get over the entire dilema. Good Luck and take care of your self first;)

connect,

I don't think hes saying i love you more out of guilty feelings.I don't think if he loved me this would of not happened in the first place. If i think these things i would'nt be able to move on. We both had trouble with our feelings and did'nt share them because we thought the other did'nt feel the same. come to find out we both loved eashother so much. Now that this has happened and now that its over i feel so much love from him. like someone said my husband did'nt stop loving me he forgot how. Months back my H said i never stopprd loving you i just forgot for a while.He is showing me how much with not only words but actions. Hes not out there buying me all these things.

LL

Just wondering can you really wake up and say enough is enough i'm going to live for today,tommorrow and forever. forget about the past. It's in the past. I really want to move on. I just need that push. ANY ADVICE

LL