SPEED DATING

Procedure:

1. Pay a registration fee to the organizer of the event

2. Wait for the day of the event

3. Go to the supposedly "hip" venue where the event is being held

4. Pick up your worksheet and your numbered name tag (first name only, for anonymity)

5a. Stand around pretending that you are part of the decor, or

5b. Talk with desperately lonely registrants who are looking for love, or

5c. Talk with registrants who have come with their friends for a lark so that they can later compare notes with each other about all the social misfits and desperately lonely people there

6. Watch while the organizer arranges lots of tables, each with two chairs and a numbered placard

7. When instructed, sit at the table you are assigned and wait for the signal to begin

8. Spend a designated amount of time (typically 3-8 minutes) talking to the other person at your table

9. When you are told that the time is up, either move to another table or wait for a different person to come to yours (according to instructions)

10. Repeat until the organizer tells you that the event is over

11. On your worksheet, mark which of the people you talked to you would like to communicate with further

12. Turn in your worksheet

13. Flee

14a. Wait for the organizer to send you contact information for those people you wanted to see again who also indicated that they wanted to see you, or

14b. Wait for the organizer to tell you that you are a total loser and that no one at all was interested in you

Advantages:

1. You get to practice meeting people of the opposite sex

2. You have a perfect excuse for walking away in the middle of a conversation

3. You get to let the organizer do the dirty work of rejection

4. Your privacy is to some degree preserved

Gnome~~
Ahhh, maybe you are Will Smith in real life! Wasn't this off the movie Hitch??

Thanks for cluing me in!
Karona

Alot of great info here. Sorry I didn't respond earlier, but my account was being silly and I couldn't log on and respond. I know there's alot of ways to get out there and I know I have to "be out there" for things to happen, but its been a long time. Its tough getting out of your comfort zone, but I guess that's the only way. Thanks again for all the advice. When I "get out there" and start dating again, I'll let you all know how things are going. It'd be nice to hear about others out there going out for the first times...

So true...I am 42 and only learned this a few years ago...it's a great way to fill those "awkward silences"...ask your date about themselves!

WNB

Same here...said hello to a lady at work, no eye contact...nothing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

BUT...as I was leaving my IC appt yesterday, an ATTRACTIVE pharmaceutical rep was getting out of her vehicle and I commented on the cloudburst that had just passed. We made nice eye contact and chatted for a minute...it was nice! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

WNB

Karona:

LOL! I thought the same thing. What the heck is "speed-dating"? I thought maybe we would all go to the local go-kart track and the 1st man and 1st woman across the finish line were to go out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now I remember the scene in "Hitch". It's an interesting concept - but probably not for my personality. I wonder how successful this is?

FR

Karona,


I'm not Gnome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />, but [color:"purple"] YES!!! [/color] . Exactly!!! I wanted to post something about Hitch last night, to reference the speed-dating, but didn't feel like logging in. hehe. There was a speed-dating scene (or 2?) in Hitch... and by the way... that was SUCH a cute dating movie!!!!!

Hey, Welcome back FR!!!
I can't say that I would fair too well with that scene either.

I would do the go-karts though!

I agree Faith, it was a cute movie!

Karona

GG,

I'm sorry I never replied back to what you wrote. I was paging up, and I think I missed this first time around. It was not intentional what so ever.

Good tips!!
That is a common game around these parts. However, I'm at a slight disadvantage because I'm a transplant here. But, if put in a situation, I may be able to some do you know's out!

By the way, how are things progressing in your life? Are things about done?

Thanks,
K.

I agree with others that you aren't old at 40, but like it or not, probably too old for the dating game you played when you were younger. We "older" people just aren't terribly interested in that peacock dance. Women in your age group definitely aren't into it. Folks here have given you some ideas on where to meet poeple. One place you should avoid are bars/clubs. Not only are the patrons generally much younger, the pickings in such places aren't of very high quality. They are a good place to find a whole lot of trouble.

Don't think about finding someone to "date." Rather, just try meeting people of both sexes. If you and a lady you meet hit the right chord, you'll know it and take it from there. Women in our age group tend to run fast when a man seems to "relationship-minded" too early in the process.

You learned already about on-line dating sites. People there are looking instant romance and tend to be scared, bitter and jaded. Most typical of these sites are rebounders and people how flit from relationship to relationship because they have increditbly unrealistic expectations. Dates obtained from those sites can be more like job interviews than dates. Women know from hard experience that most men on dating sites are only looking for sex and will feed them any line they want to hear to get it. Some of them are too. If sex is all you are looking for, consider that women in your age group, especially if they've been back out there for awhile, have heard it all. Some will want to play, but most will not.

This is hard, but it's true. Many women in our age group tend to withdraw somewhat after a divorce. They focus on their children and have no interest whatsoever in dating. This is one reason why it can be so difficult for men our age to find women to date. There are a lot of women in their late thirties/early fourties who have never been married. These are usually professional women and will be found primarily in larger cities. Some of them never married because they got caught up in their careers and just never got around to it. These may be genuinely seeking a partner. Many, though, never married because they've been chasing after Mr. Perfect all their lives and are completely puzzled why they have never found him. They cannot separate fantasy from reality and will reject you for the most minor "flaws."

One final caveat. Just as there are men out there who use women for sex, there are women out there who use men for money. Avoid these like a disease. Lonely, divorced men are they marks. They will drain you and, when the money's gone, they will be too.

Oh and I meant to suggest that until you are ready to refer to yourself as something other than "lost-without-her" you probably shouldn't be dating at all. You're too vulnerable. You've only been divorced seven months and that was really just yesterday to your heart. Smart women will pick up on this very quickly, and they have no desire to be any man's transitional woman.