I am so confused as to what my counseler is doing. i lke him but he is not dealing with the a he just keeps asking about how things are and if any changes. he allows my wh to avoid avoid avoid. i just don't get it he is not being very helpful right now cause he's afraid that my anger will get the best of me. yes i do have issue with someone saying they want a d or the house not being clean or me not being there to pat them on the head all the time or asking him to do somethings when he gets home or even bit#@ing about me not letting him rest when he got home from work. who the he!! is he. i never got naps running after a 2 year old and never sleeping for a year and a half. i was so torn up over this weekend that i saw the dr yesterday and was placed on ad's to cool me out.still can't make counseler see that i will not be moved and we need to discuss the a. haven't even touched on it yet but we are still early. mc e-mailed me something about something stopping him from being faithful or committing to be faithful. i guess i should be happy he is going to mc with me but i hate being called on the carpet about crap that had i known i would have ajusted a long time ago but wh seems to think i should have know. bingo i'm a mind reader now. he stated he should not have to ask or tell me those things. i am just clueless maybe mc has a plan i don't know about. wh has also told his b that i was trying to turn the kids against him. so untrue never happened straightened that out with him at least. he is so foggy. i can't belive some of the things he is believing. sorry this is so long i just needed to blow off steam <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

How many sessions have you been to so far?

1 single for him me i have had 2 sessions on my own and we have had 1 together

It's still early in the counseling, so give the counselor a little more time.

Keep this in mind, counseling is about what you are doing for yourself, not what you are doing about your husband. And it's not about what your husband is doing about you. You cannot change the other person, they can only change themselves. So when you go to counseling, it can only be about you. Be glad your husband is going, that is positive.

I'll just take a guess and I'm sure like most, you want to know everything about the affair. It's an understandable feeling. But start with the most important issues and work down. The details are the lesser of the important issues. If you are very angry and having trouble dealing, then that is important to you and your health. A counselor is trying to prioritize the things that are most important and focus on them first. Obviously if you stay at home taking care of your kids, anger is not good to have. So my priority would be to focus on you and make sure you are ok.

Does that make senses? Once things are settled, then you start working on the other issues. But you have to get the important things out of the way first. And where you see getting to the affair important, the counselor sees having a mother in control for her kids important.

Are you doing MC while your husband is still involved in the affair?

Susan

yeah i kinda understand thats what he is doing. i started a new ad so it may help. i'm not really angry just really frustrated at this point. as far as his a i have know idea if he is still seeing her he said he wasn't hard to tell with him not living at home.

Okay guys got an up date from mc. now i understand what he is doing. i was so confused as to what was happening.makes things clear he is trying to get passed his blame and to the source. thank god for e-mail my mc stays in contact with me that way. it really helps to know what the plan is.

Counseling takes time....and the person who is going to counseling has to want to work at it or it's not effective. I'm hopeful your husband really wants to work at the problem. I'll keep you in my prayers.