So as to not T/J Faiths anymore than we already have <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />




actually, I know a fair amount about your situation, but I don't remember if you ever said if you would be willing to have your H bring the OC into your house. I only ask because I find there often exists a double standard here at MB whereby a man is expected to give up (have NC) the OC in order to save marriage with his BW. But in the reverse situation, a man is also generally expected to accept the OC into his life and his marriage if he wants to save the M with his WW.

For those who say a man should accept the OC into his life and marriage, I always ask this question. If your H would not be willing to give up his child and you would accept the OC in your life, well, good for you. If you would not, and based on the advice you gave, you are a hypocrit.

I'm not saying she should give up her child if she does not want too. I am only pointing out that I also think its fair that he is asking nothing more than what is often asked when the situation is reversed.

Sorry, but thats how I see it.
Michael [/quote]

Ok, here is a quick and as breif as possible run down...OC was born in Feb...I always, always told my H that I would most definitely accept that child into MY HOME and raise it with him...or have visitation in my home or whatever...We even saw a lawyer together...

I never, ever denied acceptance of the child...I knew that it was my H's baby and I could and would find someway to accept the child...it is NOT the childs Fault...and this is where I feel so badly for Faith...this is not her baby's fault...I wish her H could see that!

I bought a baby swing, was looking at car seats, beds, etc...Then H decided one day in May that he wantd to go see the baby...I said "ok, lets go see her" he made it clear that he wanted to see the baby AND the OW without ME there! I said "OK, go ahead, but dont come back home" and that was it!

So yes, I always wanted to have the baby in my life...it was never ABOUT the baby...but the OW..I would not accept the OW in my life...and my H could NOT get that thru his thick skull!

I do understand where you are coming from Michael...I really do...

As I said, I could not remember exactly what you stance was on this. But, good for you. You are one of the few who would live by the advice she gives to others, and I think you are to be admired and respected for it.

I too feel badly for Faith. You see, I am a man who could not and would not give up his children. My ExW on the other hand, is one of the women who could give up her children. During negotiations for our D, and on the advice of my lawyer, I offered her more money if she would give me primary custody. She gave it to me. They live with me and she gets them two weekends a month and a two weeks in the summer. The sad thing is, half the time its pulling teeth to get her to take them that much. I also know that every day there are women who do give up thier child for adoption. So while I understand that most women would not and could not give up thier child, there are some women who can and do.

We don't know Faith, maybe its more important to her to have her H, maybe to have her child. I don't know. Either way I would support her decision. I don't think an abortion is the best option, but other options are open and may be acceptable to her.

I did not mean to offend you in any way MF4M, I just could not remember your position relative to this. Quite the contrary, I think you are a wonderful woman.
Sincerely,
Michael

You did not offend me in any way...I just wasn't sure if you knew of my story because of the way you asked the question....I am more than HAPPY to share my story as I feel in some way it can help woman and men alike to move FORWARD! either way, you have to move forward...and moving forward has many ways it can happen...

Recovery with the WS and BS/OC
Recovery with the WS and BS/Without OC
Divorce for the WS and BS

and many other scenerios...

Lots of times people get STUCK...I was stuck for a long time...I was in LIMBO and I realized the only way for ME to heal was to MOVE FORWARD and leave the WS behind in his misery.

I admire YOU, Michael for taking charge and doing what you have done with your children...it is sad when I see a woman, especially that can do that to her children...My H has done it to his own kids...it saddens me to see this happen to them, but I know in MY heart and in theirs in time that they will heal from this trauma...I believe we are much better off without him around...we are healthier, spiritually, and we are doing wonderfully!

I do have a feling though that my situation will be very similar to yours in the fact that it will be hard getting Ed to see his children even twice a month...He hansn't seen them in over a month except for an hour here and there...

WE go to court on Wednesday for Temp orders...we tried to settle out of court, but could not agree upon anything, of course...how can you with a very difficult spouse who blames the BS for everything and who blames the BS for HIM Not living in his own house...Yup, it is my fault he does not live in this luxuious house that he bought with me 6 years ago and CHOSE to move on...

Anyway, Michael, you did not offend me...You are right, we dont know Faith...but I hope we do get to know her better and I hope that she does continue to come her for support...I have a feeling she is in a bad way right now...

ME being a woman, I know the feelings a woman, or MOST woman go thru after birth...she should be holding, feeding, diapering her newborn, instead she is not...

Thank you so much for the compliments Michael...that means the world to me...I feel so much stronger and better nowadays...life is really good for me now!