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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 18 |
I am a BW and newly starting the road to recovery with my WH, he has been to IC six times and I am starting our first MC.
I have thought a lot about our marriage vows and my brother in law was just married. I hold them so sacred and my H is realizing that there are many forms of "cheating" and affairs, not just sexual ones. Has anyone renewed their vows after starting recovery?
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. There are lots of people here who have renewed their vows. If I were recovering, I know I would want to.
You will probably get more ideas on the recovery thread.
How long has it been since D-day for you?
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106 |
Hi brokenlove,
WH and I are on the road to recovery. I too hold my vows extremely sacred. I have not worn my rings since D-Day. My WH had A with employee a year and a half ago. The A started a few months after I almost lost my life to an ectopic rupture. Apparently the A lasted six months.
WH broke off the A, but OW continued working for him in our business...when OW left Aug. 04 on her own terms (she took a mental leave of absence and never returned...as WH never called her back).
The truth started to unfold from there.
Anyhow, when WH asked me why I wasn't wearing my wedding rings I told him exactly how I felt. We discussed renewing our vows.
If all goes well with recovery, our projected date is our Anniversary day in 4 months. If I feel it's time...
Hugs
BW (Me) 32
WH 43
D-Day 5/25
DS-9
DS-3
In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 267
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 267 |
After about a year and a half of being in recovery with my wife our church was having a special service for couples who wanted to renew their vows so I asked my wife to renew our vows and marry me once again and she said yes. The words of the vows really rang in my ears this time around much more so than when I was 22. I think the focus is so much on the ceremony we forgot the actual vow we are committing to both God and our spouse.
Art
Romans 7:24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
Married to my beautiful and gracious wife 26 years
1 son 1 daughter both grown
In SA recovery since July 2003
Christian faith
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
We did not renew our vows.
Thought about it, yes.
Here is our reasoning.....
this is the marriage we made.... flawed like anything else human
we decided to love and honor our flawed marriage
to re-do the vows seemed superficial to us .... nothing wrong with the vows the first time we said them .... the problem was with US .... not the vows
so we live with the marriage we made ....
we made peace with our errors .... and we improved our marriage starting with the low place we found ourselves after recovery began
we did not "start over"
we started "from that point" knee deep in a pile of doo-doo of our own making
it was not a pretty mess
it was not an easy mess to clean up
it was not a "do over"
it was an uphill battle
we learned from our mistakes, hence our decision to not try to errase our mistakes .... we decided to correct them and to move forward from where we were
progress .... not perfection
that's our style
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