It does get better.

I haven't seen myself as a BS for a very long time now. I haven't seen my H as WH or FWH for a very long time either. We are H and W. Recovered from mistakes that both of us are responsible for. We have taken responsibility for our own mistakes and we have worked both together and on our own to make sure that those mistakes are not repeated in the future.

We have a normal marriage now. Nobody walks on egg shells.

We have good days....and we have bad days. Fortunately the good days outnumber the bad. We don't live in a fantasy world where every day is a good one and we are all happy ALL of the time. Life happens. We face those "not so happy" days head on though. We can't act like they don't happen...because they do. We ALL have off days.

Lots of different things can "trigger" an off day.

3 children with 3 different schedules, unexpected bills, only a 24 hour day when you need 36 hours to get EVERYTHING done, long hours at work....and then getting calls from work almost as soon as you get home, people constantly wanting something from you...especially when you don't have the time to do what YOU need to do....forget about what you WANT to do.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with it....but IMHO....we all CHOOSE how we are going to deal with it. We either suck it up and smile through it....or we scream into the phone the next time it rings and say....."Just leave me the hell alone will ya!".

I myself CHOOSE to smile through it....though I know my limits and will say no when my limit has been reached. I try to be as nice as possible about it but know when I have to be more aggresive with certain things. My H says I'm so good at that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

4 years ago this month my H and I seperated for the 3rd and what we both thought would be the last time.

We went our seperate ways. He with the OW and I with our 3 daughters. We set up a visitation schedule, which would coincide with divorce proceedings. Of course at first I wasn't happy about it....but eventually....I was the one that filed for divorce.

I was tired. I had no fight left in me and I certainly wasn't going to fight for someone I didn't know, and I didn't know or like the man my H had become.

I fought the good fight. I didn't win....and I didn't lose.

I gained something though. I found myself. Just me. Not the wife in me...not the mom in me. It took me 29 years to find out exactly who I was...what I wanted....and what I could be. I also found out things about myself that I didn't like...but by then I had the tools to change those things.

I went from an overweight meek and eager to please person to a stunning blonde hair, blue eyed (both natural by the way) WOMAN with a mind of her own with a determination that nobody was going to choose MY path in life other than ME.

I CHOSE to take my H back and halt the divorce proceedings when my H and the OW's relationship ended. Granted it took my H a while to convince me to give him one LAST chance.....but he did everything on his own. I didn't have to ask him to do anything. That's how I knew he was completely sincere about wanting us to be a family again.

Almost 4 years into Recovery now. It's been a LONG and ROUGH road...but a road well worth traveling.

Life happens.....you either sit back and watch it happen around you or you cross the median and make it happen for you.

This is one of the most inspiring things I have ever read. Thank you, Miss Priss for posting it.

Minus, the blond hair and blue eyes, my story is almost exactly the same as yours. I'm two years behind you but certainly life is more normal now!

Thanks for your post! It's encouraging to know that I am on the right track.......

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well done to you, both. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's sooo nice to hear about couples getting throught their pain and dealing with the issues that have brought things to the point of an affair or break-up. Seeing our own mistakes and behaviour through others eyes is very difficult, but it must be addressed.

You are never the same again after an affair though. Your views on many things change and I myself feel I have 'hardened up'. But that maybe not such a bad thing. I know now that there will always be people in the world who will take things from you if they want them bad enough. I was very naive before my H affair and didn't think someone would try to take my H away from me and the kids. We were married right, and happy enough, and that to me, made us affair proof. But I was wrong.

We, like yourselves, are recovering now. Good days mostly, but some bad too. But life was always like that anyway, it's just more profound now.

I often wonder how much pain he feels too!
His affair was never meant to hurt me, it was about keeping him and his needs happy and I know he's always loved me, I've never doubted that. I catch him looking at me sometimes, and can see the hurt that he's caused me in his eyes. And all the sadness. It's good in one way cos I know he's remorseful, but the flip side of it is that its a trigger for me, a reminder of what's gone on in the past between us.

Anyway, the sun is shining here in Scotland very brightly (and that's not too normal over here), I'm taking a break from work right now, and enjoying my life..... again.

Carry on being good to eah other, I'm sure you both deserve it.

Hope <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Miss Priss,

Great post....your post will be an inspiration to many...it shows that you with MB principles were prepared to go on and be a success in all ways...with or without your H.

I esp. like the passage you wrote...where you stated that you were ready to proceed with filing and H made choice to participate in the M with you and that was how you knew his commitment. Recovery is a tricky thing.....as the BS...I feel worn out by the fight and have little energy left. I am waiting for FWS to choose to rebuild as you H did...but it has not happened and I am now "fence-sitting" between him and D. I understand my feelings better now after reading your post.

Miss Priss, thank you for posting your story. It will be an inspiration to many here who need hope. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> God bless. ss

I really appreciate you all posting success stories. Too often we get bogged down ins sadness that we forget that happiness is an option. One that we can all have.

I am just at the beginning of my long road, but reading stories like this make me hopefully that I am going to be ok.

Thanks again!!!

Any success story gives me hope and strength. I hope I can post this type of story one day as well... I really hope and pray!!! Thanks for sharing your story.

Thank you for reading.

I can't say for certain that I posted this for inspiration or just the fact that I have recently just realized that I no longer think about my H's A or anything that has to do with it.

I've never really ever given the OW the time of day....other than the time I called her to tell her that she could have my H....because I didn't want him.

I've always felt that she was none of my business and not worth the energy that it would take to even give her a seconds worth of thought.

Oh yes....she was younger, thinner (at the time) and some may have thought prettier.....but that has nothing to do with who you REALLY are. She had nothing on me once I discovered who I was.

Though I can't say that I have followed the MB Principles (as alot of people know).....I've taken what has worked for me and my situation and used it.

I admit that these days I get a little worked up over the way others allow themselves to be treated.....but I only get worked up because I've been there.

I allowed my H to treat me horribly at one point in my life....but he knows better now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We are completely different people....leading a completely different life now.

We both jumped the median and made our lives what they are.

Congrats, Miss Priss. I went back and read your story, and I just say "oh my". I am happy that you were able to take the your Former Wayward back after his relationship with the OW failed (not suprisingly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).

I am happy that you are in this place in your life.

Bravo.

BOL,

Sour........

LM,

Ah...I must be an interesting subject eh?

Not really. I have went back and read through some of my old post...and today I can actually sit back and laugh about the way I handled some things. I can't believe that was me.

I can't believe that I begged, pleaded, lost sleep, begged some more, went into depression, damaged myself physically, pleaded some more and held on for as long as I did.

I rub some people the wrong way...that's okay with me.

Can't please all of the people all of the time.

You know Miss Priss, honestly I would have no understanding of that statement made in quotes above you made. It is completely foreign to me. I just can't fathom that concept in regards to my life. You will have to tell me about that sometime... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sour............... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You are not fooling me one bit...

I think that you are really LEMONADE and you are not SOUR!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LM,

I just couldn't imagine you rubbing anyone the wrong way.

I'm not sure what I was thinking in assuming you could relate to that in any way shape or form.

Let me explain it for you........

Now in order to do this right you have to be....

Over opinionated, highly self centered, have a flaunting attitude and don't forget the soap box.

1. You place the soap box in front of you and step onto it.....trying not to fall off.
2. Hold your head high and look down at those you are speaking to.
3. Proceed to tell them that you make over $100,000 a year so you are more entitled to your opinion than they are. Don't forget to mention your bumper sticker that states that opinions are like a--holes...everyone has one...but mine is the only one that counts.
4. Check your reflection in the sunglasses of the person standing next to or in front of you. Ask them to come closer so you can see if you have anything in your teeth left over from lunch.
5. Don't let ANYONE get a word in edgewize. If anyone tried to speak simply state....."I didn't yank your chain...you can have your turn when I'm gone".
6. Say what you have to say. Use as many profoundly big words as possible...even if you don't know what they mean.
7. Step off of the soap box. Walk away and leave it for someone to trip on.

I simply couldn't imagine you do any of that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Hey stranger! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I'm glad to read that all is still going well with you and the H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Karen

Topie!!

So good to see you!

Hope you and your little (probably not so little anymore) ones are doing good.

I've got to run right now. The newest member of our family is casuing all kinds of chaos this morning. I have to run middle daughter to eye doctor for new glasses....guess he thought they would be a good snack. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The twins, Alex and Jonathan, turned 4 yrs old in February, and Eric is now 6yrs old. Yup.. not so little anymore! LOL. Alex is in glasses now too, and will go in for his next upped prescription in September. People think he looks like the little guy in Jerry MacGuire. LOL.

Karen