Since the D-day 3 weeks or more, I have read everything on this sight I can get my hands on and have tried hard to follow the good advice I have read, but still am falling apart. WH has had no contact with OW and is in IC now, but seems to think that is enough. His patience for discussing what happened is wearing thin, and yet I can't get past the fear that we are doing nothing to change and make sure it doesn't happen again. Still can't hear his phone ring or pass it with out checking to see who has called or who he called. I have learned every phone number on his extensice client list to be sure. Now the pager is going off all night with no messages or call back numbers and it is making me crazy! He does not try to hide anything from me and we have talked about my insecurities but we can just be sitting around watching tv and the rage comes out of nowhere and I can't help but feel he should be doing something to try and understand what he did and to try and find someway to deal with his issues. It is no secret that patience is hard for me, I am very action oriented, but this is truly scaring me.

How do I motivate him to be more realistic about dealing with his problems? He is stressed out over work, the E, and what he has done to our M, but feels there is nothing he can DO, just wait for time to pass so he can show me how sorry he is, but what I am seeing is so different?

Hello twoblue!

I am the WS. D-D is July 30th. It has almost been a year. My H is still very sad and mistrusting. I thought after I told my H that I wanted to work it out, that would be it! It would be back to normal and we would be a happy couple. Boy, was I in for a surprise. It is a day to day journey. I tell him where I am going and call him throughout the day while I am at work. OM works at same place of employment but don't work in same department. I don't run into OM but could accidently.

My suggestion for your husband as the WS is to READ, READ, READ. This website has been an eye-opener for me. I see the pain an A afflicts on the family and BS. My H is still in so much pain. Your husband should get on the site and read the Marriage Builder books! Good luck! I am on the other side and am trying so hard to be a good wife to BS.