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MelodyLane, I sent you mail, let me know if you have not rec'd it.
Thanks.
Me: BS 38 yrs
Her: ws 38 yrs
Married: 14 yrs
2 Boys: 9 & 7
I love my wife
SJCC
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sjcc, I am at the office right now and will pick it up when I get home. thanks!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, Thanks...I'll let you know what I find out.
Me: BS 38 yrs
Her: ws 38 yrs
Married: 14 yrs
2 Boys: 9 & 7
I love my wife
SJCC
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Can anyone tell me where the MB website talks about exposure. I know it is widely discussed here, and MelodyLane has been a big help to me, but it would help if I could review the thoughts of Dr Harley on this.
Any links?
Me: BS 38 yrs
Her: ws 38 yrs
Married: 14 yrs
2 Boys: 9 & 7
I love my wife
SJCC
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sjcc, I am not aware of any written material on the forum. Dr. Harley routinely recommends exposure on his radio show and has recommended this to our forum members who have counseled with him. He advises to "do everything short of taking out a billboard."
And the reasons are obvious, it is simply the most effective method of killing off an affair. An affair can't survive without secrecy.
What did you need to know about it specifically?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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...but it would help if I could review the thoughts of Dr Harley on this.
Any links? p.s. you can call him directly and get his thoughts. His # is on the main page.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's just such a huge step...I love my wife and family soooo much, eventhough she hurt me, I just can bear to bring on the pain that I know this will cause.
I am now monitoring my computer,(thanks ML) If I get solid proof that it is still going on, I will act. I'm just not sure yet.
Also, I have been trying to connect and score some points with her, but she just can't seem to let me in. I've been thinking of writing her a letter telling her how much I love her, and all the things I miss, and all the things I want to do & show her if she will just let me inside the walls she has put up over the years.
What do you think?
Me: BS 38 yrs
Her: ws 38 yrs
Married: 14 yrs
2 Boys: 9 & 7
I love my wife
SJCC
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Any words directed to a WS who is still involved with the OP is like throwing cotton balls at a crocodile.
Apparently you have taken steps to figure out what is going on. If even one more contact is made, you will have to step up and pull the trigger on exposure, or you'll endure a nightmare of fence sitting and cake eating, terms you don't even want to get familiar with. Affairs are really hard to influence, and exposure is the nuclear weapon to do the most to end one. You owe the exposure to yourself and the OM's W, to jump start a chance to reconnect with your W and save your marriage.
Please, please, reconsider.
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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It's just such a huge step...I love my wife and family soooo much, eventhough she hurt me, I just can bear to bring on the pain that I know this will cause. sjcc, it will bring on great pain to the affair, though, and that is what you are trying to do, no? Let me tell you about a much greater pain: DIVORCE. And divorce is where you are headed unless the affair is ended. Your marriage can survive the fallout from exposure, it can't survive the affair. Your fear is very misplaced. You also have an obligation to warn the OMW. She must be told so she can protect herself and her children frm your wife and her H. She has a RIGHT to know what is going on her life and should be afforded the same opportunity to save her marriage that you have received. Also, I have been trying to connect and score some points with her, but she just can't seem to let me in. I've been thinking of writing her a letter telling her how much I love her, and all the things I miss, and all the things I want to do & show her if she will just let me inside the walls she has put up over the years. It's good that you are trying to connect, however, sending a sentimental letter to a detached person usually does not accomplish much except to push them away more.
Last edited by MelodyLane; 07/29/05 05:06 AM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's just such a huge step...I love my wife and family soooo much, eventhough she hurt me, I just can bear to bring on the pain that I know this will cause. sjcc, allowing the affair to continue is what will bring on the most pain to your family. It is the affair that is threatening your family and marriage. That is why you have a responsibility to do everything in your power to STOP the affair. It is not exposure that is harming your family, but the affair. Do you understand?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, I have been trying to connect and score some points with her, but she just can't seem to let me in. I've been thinking of writing her a letter telling her how much I love her, and all the things I miss, and all the things I want to do & show her if she will just let me inside the walls she has put up over the years.
What do you think? sjcc, I'm a novice at this stuff, but I must agree with the vets on this one. Don't waste your time. I sen't my WW a letter and she basically just said thanks, it had no effect on her. She didn't even want me to do nice things for her. You see when their heart is with someone else, they won't accept these displays of affection. I have learned that the hard way and that is why I have exposed her to try and end this EA. You need to stop the affair by exposing, it really is the only way. good luck
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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